On the fence...
With DD we had a c-sect because she was upside down and backwards. My c-sect experience was pretty good and my recovery wasn't too bad.
I've asked my doc his stance on me possible having a VBAC and he said that he thinks I would make a pretty good candidate. He gave us pretty thorough information and statistics regarding both options, but made it very clear that it is my choice.
DH wants me to have another c-sect, but I'm on the fence.
A part of me liked the fact that I knew the exact day that I was going to meet my little girl and I wasn't going to have to sit and wait forever in labor. The other part of me feels like maybe I've missed out on some right of passage into motherhood. I didn't have to work hard to get my DD here, the doctors did everything for me (other than the healing part).
I think my biggest fear is that I'll decide to do the VBAC, spend hours in labor, and then end up having to have another c-sect for one reason or another (this has happened to friends of mine and it was scary stuff!). That would be my luck too...
The main appealing factor for having a VBAC would be the recovery time. I'm under the assumption that those who have vaginal births recover more quickly, and seeing as how I'll be at home with the LO and an almost 3yo, a quick recovery is probably best.
I don't know ladies...WWYD?
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Re: On the fence...
Personally, I don't find the 'rite of passage' thing to be an issue at all. Every moment of every day since your child got here, you're a mother. That's far more work than what doctors and nurses and midwives do, I might add. Whether you have a vaginal birth, a c/s, or no birth at all (in the case of adoptive parents), you're still a mother. Some women have really easy labors, some have really hard labors, some don't labor at all, and they're all mothers. And I say this as someone who had a VBAC and thought it was great. It really was great. But it's nothing compared to the 10+ months since then that I've been a mother to the baby that came out of it.
I did worry that I would need a c/s again, and I too was attracted to VBAC for the recovery time. I knew it was a bit of a gamble (I know some women who have had long, hard recoveries after vaginal births) but the odds were in my favor. And it paid off wonderfully. I was walking around, bending over, picking things up about an hour after delivery. I felt on top of the world!
FWIW, my c/s was after three days of labor, and it wasn't particularly scary, and my recovery wasn't that bad. Yes, my VBAC recovery was way easier, but it was uncomplicated and easy to manage. A c/s after laboring doesn't have be a nightmare experience.
This is a very personal decision and I can only tell you my story. DS1 turned breech 5 days before my due date and I had a c/s 2 days later. For me, I KNEW that I wanted a VBAC. I wound up being induced and after 20 hours of labor, lots of decels and being stuck at 7 cm for 8+ hours, I had another c/s. I am not gonna lie, I cried when we made the decision, but my hospital made it a great experience (as they did with my first c/s). I was worried about the recovery time with another c/s, especially with a newly turned 2 year old toddler at home. Fortunately for me, I had little to worry about. I was off the pain meds and felt about 95% within 5 days of my c/s. My OB gave me permission to start picking up DS1 (who was about 24lbs) at the 2 week mark. My recovery with DS1 was fairly easy, but this one was a breeze. While I would have loved to given birth vaginally, I'm ok with my c/s and I know that for me, I would have regretted it if I hadn't at least attempted my VBAC.
Good luck with your decision.
I completely understand the rite of passage feeling. For 9 months you are looking forward to an ending that never came. At least it felt that way for me, but my c/s was not a good experience. DD turned breech about a week before I had her, and we didn't realize it until my water was broke to induce labor. When I was told I had to have a csection, at that moment, I truly didn't care. It just meant the baby was there in a few minutes, instead of hours, and I thought it would be funny to text a picture to work (I was going to be induced the next day, so I took off the day before to be with DH, but was leaking something, and it turns out I was really dilated so they were inducing me a day early).
But then the spinal didn't take, and they started the surgery, and I felt everything, so they knocked me out, and I missed out on dd's birth, and for a long time couldn't get past that, and never felt a completion to my pregnancy.
Also, my recovery sucked. I am not sure if it is because my incision is super low, since she had dropped, or just because I injured myself after, from doing too much, but I was miserable for almost 3 weeks.
We just decided to ttc, and I am definantly wanting to VBAC, the odds are really in my favor. But I also know everyone's odds for a c section is high these days, so I am trying to remind myself everyday that I might have a rcs, and I really don't think it will be the end of the world. I don't think I would have cared about the csection if I was awake.
My main reason for VBAC was one that you mentioned. I have a 35 lb toddler at home that I will be taking care of solo all day along with my new son. He is just shy of 2, so he still very much needs my help. I had my VBAC yesterday at 3:31 AM and I am already almost feeling up to picking him up, not that I will try for another day or so, just to give my body a little more chance to heal. I hope this helps. If you have any more questions, I would be happy to share more of my experience with you.
Good luck with your decision making process!