- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
North Carolina Babies
Nanny Dilemma
I need some advice about a situation with my nanny and we are not sure what to do.
A couple weeks ago, my DH noticed one of our speakers in the basement was broken. It looked like someone had ripped off part of it and then put it back to look like nothing happened.
One of my nannies brings her three year old daughter with her and always takes all the kids into the basement to play. She is not really good at disciplining her own DD and I know for a fact, she gets on our computer sometimes when she is in the basement (on facebook). I do have a couple other people watch my kids during the week, but they never go in the basement, she is the only one that takes them down there.
After my DH discovered the broken speaker, I asked my DD if she knew what happened (I did not mention my nanny or her daughter). My DD said that the nanny's DD broke it, that she got in trouble and they had to go upstairs. I know she is only 4, but she said this completely unprompted and it was over the weekend, so she had not seen them or had we talked about then in several days.
We asked my nanny about it and she denied knowing anything about it. However, I felt her whole demeanor changed when we were discussing it (she got very sweet, etc) and she even texted me during the day to let me know of possible people that may have done it. My DH was there when I asked her and he thinks she is lying (he is very very good at reading people).
To fix the speaker is going to cost $1500, my nanny has broken two other things in our home (a baby swing and an expensive trash can), she told me about those but did not offer to fix or help pay for them. I should also mention she is very "hung" up on money and is not very well off.
We are very upset and I feel as time goes by, I am getting more frustrated with her. I want to ask her again about the speaker and tell her exactly what my DD said. I don't know if I will get anywhere with her, but at this point, I don't trust her and once someone loses my trust, I don't know how to fix things.
What do you think? Should we talk to her again? Fire her? My DH and I are both ready to do this, but want to be 100% sure because she has been a big help (very flexible with her schedule, etc).
Thanks!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Nanny Dilemma
That is a hard situation. I would hate for someone to be fired for something they potentially did not do. However, I would tend to believe your DD, why would she make up the story? We also have large speakers in our theater room and Jocelyn knows not to touch them, so if we had people in the house and they ended up broken, I would know she wasn't the one to touch them.
My sister was in a similar situation with a housekeeper she swore stole her son's Nintendo DS. Her son was in tears, she was frantic, only to find it later hidden in a compartment of her sons back pack....and my sister was SURE it was the housekeeper that took it. So you just don't know in these situations. I guess you have to go with your gut, can you trust her, do you feel she isn't a good influence on your daughter, etc? That is a hard one. If it were me I would probably not fire her unless this was just the last instance in a whole slew of issues.
Tough one but I understand where you're coming from. I'm the same way -- once you lose my trust, it's really hard for me to give it back to you.
I'm also bad at confrontation. I would be tempted to bring it up again and ask why DD would state her daughter did it if she didn't, laying out the scenario of the discussion. But it's hard to know -- DD#1 is already starting to tell a lot of lies about DD#2 breaking x or hitting herself, etc. but with something like this I would probably be tempted to believe her as there doesn't seem to be a reason to make up a story when you hadn't prompted her.
If you're already having issues with her breaking things and not covering it, and having a trust issue, I'd look into a new nanny.
Thanks so much for the response, I appreciate it! Yes, I don't want to fire her if she really did not do it. I don't know if I would even fire her if she did do it and came clean, I would have to really think about it. At this point, I have no choice but to believe she did not do it or know anything about it because that is what she said. But I do want to ask her about it again, not in an accusing way, but just let her know what my DD said and tell her we won't be mad etc, we understand accidents happen. But my hesitation with talking to her again is that if she really did not do it, she will be upset and put more of a strain on our relationship.
My DH and I both are believers in "trust your gut" and we have had other issues with her (breaking the other things, the way she handles things with her DD, the way her DD treats my DD) and before this even happened, my DH wanted to possibly cut ties with her. But I have not been 100% on board with this because she is a good nanny and she is super flexible with her schedule which I really need.
So hard!! Thanks again!