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Please Help! The "No" Phase.

petrockprincesspetrockprincess
in Toddlers: 24 Months+
DD is driving me crazy! She's 2.5 (29 months) and "No" is her response to EVERYTHING. She's also flat out not listening. She can follow directions, but lately I can't even get her to do the simplist of tasks. Sometimes she won't even look at me. It's really frustrating. I'm almost 20 weeks pregnant with #2 and I know my patience isn't what it used to be. DH is in the military and gone ALL THE TIME. He's not deployed, but is still gone at least twice a month anywhere from 3 days to 3 weeks at a time. I really think her behavior has to do with daddy being gone, but I can't figure out the best way to parent and correct this behavior. We just moved her to her big girl room with all her toys in preparation for the new baby a day or two before DH left this time. I'm not sure if that has anything to do with it or not.
PLEASE HELP! Any advice would be helpful. We do spank in our house. I am a firm believer and I'm not looking to defend my stance on that. However, I don't believe this is a situation where spanking is going to work. Our best working form of discipline right now is standing in the corner. But again, not sure if it will work with the "no" thing because of how often it happens. How do I get her to start listening to me as an authority figure whether daddy is here or not?
Thank you!
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Re: Please Help! The "No" Phase.

  • mrsseguinmrsseguin member
    When DS, usually yells 'no' at me, I give him a warning and tell him he doesn't tell mommy and daddy 'no'.  If he does it again, he goes to his room for a time out.  If he does it again we will spank him.  It's how we handle every situation.  He gets a warning, time out then spanking.  I RARELY spank him...he knows to stop after his time out.  We found being consistent with our discipline has worked the best for us in all different situations.  Good luck...toddlers sure are frustrating!
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  • Shayna0182Shayna0182 member
    One of ds's favorite things is to say point his finger and say no, immediately after doing something he's not supposed to.  Such as press buttons on the surround sound, try to open the fireplace, and climb up on the coffee table.  His therapists and behavorial doctors told us that instead of telling him no all the time, try incorporating positive feedback.  Or explain why he shouldn't be doing what he's doing.  They recommended the toddlerese section of "The Happiest Toddler on the Block."   I'm trying to do that, but it's hard to break old habits.  Especially when he's trying to splash in the toilet.
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  • Emilia0101Emilia0101
    My husband is military as well and always during the time he is gone for a few days or weeks at a time all hell breaks loose at our place to (even the dogs act out). I wish I had some advice but just wanted to say I know a lot of us military mom's are in your same boat.
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  • KathrynMDKathrynMD member

    you may be disciplining for too much, you know? 

    are you letting her make a lot of choices about minor stuff - pink plate or purple plate, banana or oranges for lunch? where should we put the banana, etc., etc.  I think if you see yourself as an authority figure and are confident about it, she will too.

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  • KathrynMDKathrynMD member
    also - could you try to incorporate Daddy into every day, even when he's not there.  Like - kiss Daddy's pillow goodnight or could he give her something special of his to take care of while he's gone, or a special Daddy night light, teddy bear, etc., etc.
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  • WiggleBabyWiggleBaby
    imageKathrynMD:

    you may be disciplining for too much, you know? 

    are you letting her make a lot of choices about minor stuff - pink plate or purple plate, banana or oranges for lunch? where should we put the banana, etc., etc.  I think if you see yourself as an authority figure and are confident about it, she will too.

    i was going to suggest the same thing.  maybe for one day, write down how often you tell her "no"... it can add up to more than we think sometimes.  if that is the case then, try to create an environment for success, where she can hear more positive feedback instead of negative.  if she feels like she has SOME power, she will be less likely to fight against yours.  (and if all she hears is no, it makes sense that she repeats it... i'm not saying this is true, but sometimes we say it more than we think.)

    what i learned in my Child Devt major, which has stuck with me, is phrasing things in a positive way.  when my 2.5 yr old DD wakes up and immediately asks for a cookie, instead of saying "No" i phrase it as "what a great idea!  i want one too!  after we eat a healthy breakfast, we can share one cookie!"  sometimes she'll still resist a little, but she's much less likely to retaliate with a huge tantrum because she knows she'll get some later AND she thinks it was this awesome idea that makes mommy happy.  :)

     

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  • petrockprincesspetrockprincess

    One of my friends suggested re-phrasing instead of just saying "No" to her. I don't think I realized how much I actually said it! I've been trying today, and it's really hard! I'm hoping that will help.

    I DO think it has to do with daddy being gone since it happens every time he leaves. When he's home, she listens to me.

    As for disciplining too much...Discipline is not a bad thing and doesn't have to be negative. I would rather teach my child right from wrong and the proper way to act and have her know that I will stand firm on that than rather than playing it off lightly. And I DO let her make choices. And I AM a confident mother. It's almost like she does things just when daddy is gone to see what she can get away with. (My dog used to do the same thing.) She does it around grandparents too when she thinks she can get away with more. I actually feel bad for her. She never knows when daddy will be gone. I HAVE to be consistant and she HAS to know that no matter how much daddy is gone or no matter for how long, our rules and our love still stands. I'm really hoping re-phrasing helps.

    I'll look into some of those books. I know part of it is my own lack of patience because of pregnancy hormones. We just got back from a trip seeing the grandparents and didn't get set back into our daily home routine before daddy left. Hopefully we will have him around for a little longer when he gets back.

    Thank you for your suggestions.

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