Disciplining with hot sauce?

Tapatio · August 2011

I'll admit that what got me were the keywords "hot sauce." I only watched the first minute of the video clip before turning it off. I'm all for disciplining kids but I'm not sure the hot sauce route is the way to go. It almost seems like torture! However I have a friend who washed out her little girl's mouth out with soap if/when she said a bad word. It worked... I've never heard her say another curse word.

https://news.yahoo.com/video/health-15749655/hot-sauce-mom-found-guilty-for-spicy-punishment-26405354.html#crsl=%252Fvideo%252Fhealth-15749655%252Fhot-sauce-mom-found-guilty-for-spicy-punishment-26405354.html

Do any of you think this might be a little excessive or is this tough love?

noah-bear · August 2011

I believe it should be considered child abuse. Just like forcing them in freezing cold showers.

I was spanked as a child and had my mouth washed out with soap. I was spanked with belts, buckles, spoons (plastic and metal), hands, paddles and looking back, that was too much.

Discipline does not have to equal hitting your child in my eyes. Patting their hands away or patting their bottom to get their attention isn't spanking/hitting. Leaving marks, temporary (red print) or bruise, crosses lines in my eyes.

DCWJes · August 2011

noah-bear:

I believe it should be considered child abuse. Just like forcing them in freezing cold showers.

I was spanked as a child and had my mouth washed out with soap. I was spanked with belts, buckles, spoons (plastic and metal), hands, paddles and looking back, that was too much.

Discipline does not have to equal hitting your child in my eyes. Patting their hands away or patting their bottom to get their attention isn't spanking/hitting. Leaving marks, temporary (red print) or bruise, crosses lines in my eyes.

I agree with you noah-bear.

When DD was small (around Noah's age) she would laugh at me when I would swat her hands. She then took it upon herself to start swatting her own hands when she did something bad. (Grabbing something she shouldn't...) But I have never spanked her. Right now, we put her in the corner but I never spank her.

GraceInCA · August 2011

I don't really believe in corporal punishment of any kind. Not spanking, hot saucing, any of it. Study after study shows that corporal punishment is ineffective. So even putting aside the fact that it can be cruel and sadistic, it doesn't really work in the long run. There are many better and more effective ways of parenting. I don't think anyone needs to resort to something that extreme for discipline. Positive reinforcement, encouraging kids to verbalize their feelings, giving explanations for acceptable behavior, etc., all are much more effective than anything physical.

My son isn't a saint, but he's pretty awesome, and we have never laid a finger on him. My parents were the same with me, and DH's parents with him. We mostly all stayed out of trouble, and were decent kids.

holliekriegel · August 2011

I think disciplining with hot sauce is way out of line. As a teacher I would have called DHS in a heartbeat.

Tapatio · August 2011

GraceInCA:

I don't really believe in corporal punishment of any kind. Not spanking, hot saucing, any of it. Study after study shows that corporal punishment is ineffective. So even putting aside the fact that it can be cruel and sadistic, it doesn't really work in the long run. There are many better and more effective ways of parenting. I don't think anyone needs to resort to something that extreme for discipline. Positive reinforcement, encouraging kids to verbalize their feelings, giving explanations for acceptable behavior, etc., all are much more effective than anything physical.

My son isn't a saint, but he's pretty awesome, and we have never laid a finger on him. My parents were the same with me, and DH's parents with him. We mostly all stayed out of trouble, and were decent kids.

I agree with Noah Bear and I agree with all of this. Even if the corporal punishment doesn't leave behind physical scars you have to wonder what emotional scars are created as that child grows up.

sabrina69barnes · August 2011

noah-bear:

I believe it should be considered child abuse. Just like forcing them in freezing cold showers.

In the state of MO forcing you kids in a freezing cold shower isn't abuse at all. DFS doesn't care. I know this because DH's ex did this to SS and SD as a punishment and DFS told me it wasn't an issue.

Tapatio · August 2011

sabrina69barnes:
noah-bear:

I believe it should be considered child abuse. Just like forcing them in freezing cold showers.

In the state of MO forcing you kids in a freezing cold shower isn't abuse at all. DFS doesn't care. I know this because DH's ex did this to SS and SD as a punishment and DFS told me it wasn't an issue.

Wow! I don't undertsand the point of throwing a kid into a cold shower. It seems so sadistic.

lauralew · August 2011

GraceInCA:
I don't really believe in corporal punishment of any kind. Not spanking, hot saucing, any of it. Study after study shows that corporal punishment is ineffective. So even putting aside the fact that it can be cruel and sadistic, it doesn't really work in the long run. There are many better and more effective ways of parenting. I don't think anyone needs to resort to something that extreme for discipline. Positive reinforcement, encouraging kids to verbalize their feelings, giving explanations for acceptable behavior, etc., all are much more effective than anything physical.

My son isn't a saint, but he's pretty awesome, and we have never laid a finger on him. My parents were the same with me, and DH's parents with him. We mostly all stayed out of trouble, and were decent kids.

Totes butting in, but since this is my career and life passion, I feel like I need to interject.

I agree with Noah and Grace. You want your child to be intrinsically motivated (meaning THEY want to do the good things) not motivated by fear. I work with so many parents who chose to use physical discipline rather than any other type of discipline. They get so frustrated when their children become violent (hitting other children or siblings), not understanding they are teaching their child how to be violent.

In the state of Kansas you are allowed to spank. Any CPS worker will tell you it's your choice, but encourage you to not use objects and caution that if you leave marks it is considered child abuse.

Also, to kind of address Sabrina's situation, many times CPS can only provide limited intervention until things get "bad enough." I'm not saying this is right, but that's also done to protect families who may not need extreme intervention. Obviously, in your situation maybe this woman does need extreme intervention, but CPS's standards tend to be different than most people's standards. I hate it, but sometimes their hands are tied (and other times it's just a bad worker). I will also say in the state of MO the CPS workers are NOT social workers. They are any person with a bachelor's degree who takes a 10 week training...because for some reason MO thinks 10 weeks is equal to four years of college.

GraceInCA · August 2011

lauralew:
GraceInCA:

I don't really believe in corporal punishment of any kind. Not spanking, hot saucing, any of it. Study after study shows that corporal punishment is ineffective. So even putting aside the fact that it can be cruel and sadistic, it doesn't really work in the long run. There are many better and more effective ways of parenting. I don't think anyone needs to resort to something that extreme for discipline. Positive reinforcement, encouraging kids to verbalize their feelings, giving explanations for acceptable behavior, etc., all are much more effective than anything physical.

My son isn't a saint, but he's pretty awesome, and we have never laid a finger on him. My parents were the same with me, and DH's parents with him. We mostly all stayed out of trouble, and were decent kids.

Totes butting in, but since this is my career and life passion, I feel like I need to interject.

I agree with Noah and Grace. You want your child to be intrinsically motivated (meaning THEY want to do the good things) not motivated by fear. I work with so many parents who chose to use physical discipline rather than any other type of discipline. They get so frustrated when their children become violent (hitting other children or siblings), not understanding they are teaching their child how to be violent.

In the state of Kansas you are allowed to spank. Any CPS worker will tell you it's your choice, but encourage you to not use objects and caution that if you leave marks it is considered child abuse.

Also, to kind of address Sabrina's situation, many times CPS can only provide limited intervention until things get "bad enough." I'm not saying this is right, but that's also done to protect families who may not need extreme intervention. Obviously, in your situation maybe this woman does need extreme intervention, but CPS's standards tend to be different than most people's standards. I hate it, but sometimes their hands are tied (and other times it's just a bad worker). I will also say in the state of MO the CPS workers are NOT social workers. They are any person with a bachelor's degree who takes a 10 week training...because for some reason MO thinks 10 weeks is equal to four years of college.

Thank you for doing such important work. It's heartening to know that kids out there have advocates like you!

Rawr08 · August 2011

I believe that parents should have to right to raise their children however they want. I was spanked and that was about as far as my parents went with me. I feel like the hot sauce is better than soap, I mean at least it is edible. As long as the children are in a safe and loving environment who cares how the parents raise them? It's none of my business.

I know you are all going to hate me for what I just said. Oh well. It's just my opinion, no need to get all up in arms about it.

I will not discipline my children with hot sauce in case you are wondering.

DesiraeSunshine · August 2011

I think there are worse things. I wouldnt do it tho.

Tapatio · August 2011

Rawr08:

I believe that parents should have to right to raise their children however they want. I was spanked and that was about as far as my parents went with me. I feel like the hot sauce is better than soap, I mean at least it is edible. As long as the children are in a safe and loving environment who cares how the parents raise them? It's none of my business.

I know you are all going to hate me for what I just said. Oh well. It's just my opinion, no need to get all up in arms about it.

I will not discipline my children with hot sauce in case you are wondering.

No flames from me! You are entitled to your opinion as is everyone else. I also won't discipline my kids with hot sauce (or any type of corporal punishment) but that's just me. I think Lauralew had a great point. I really feel you'll get much farther with your parenting by exercising patience and positive reinforcement rather than attempting to beat/torture a kid into submission.

somnybooks · August 2011

Rawr08:
I believe that parents should have to right to raise their children however they want. I was spanked and that was about as far as my parents went with me. I feel like the hot sauce is better than soap, I mean at least it is edible. As long as the children are in a safe and loving environment who cares how the parents raise them? It's none of my business.

I know you are all going to hate me for what I just said. Oh well. It's just my opinion, no need to get all up in arms about it.

I will not discipline my children with hot sauce in case you are wondering.

This is kind of how I feel, however, I do not see myself ever doing it. There are much, much better ways to discipline a child. The cold shower thing? Insane.

LaTi07 · August 2011

There are so many variables that play into how kids turn out as young adults/adults that go way beyond method of discipline. Physical discipline does not always mean the child will turn into a violent, angry member of society.

Personally I wouldn?t use hot sauce, but I don?t necessarily feel it was ?abuse.? I think that word gets thrown around a bit too much.

kevinandmonica2011 · August 2011

I might be the minority here... no flames please.

I don't have any children yet, so I can't say how I would or would not discipline them. But... I can tell you I grew up down south... spanking and all that stuff was perfectly ok. I can also say, though, that I was one helluva little monster and I think I needed some of it. Ok maybe a lot of it.

My parents spanked (grandparents too... even sent me to get my own "switch") when I did something physically unacceptable (hit my brother, ran out into the street)... dangerous physical things. When I was mouthy, they used soap. After a while, the soap didn't bother me, so they used hot sauce. ick.

I can tell you that I turned out just fine. As a matter of fact, I wonder how much of a hellion I would be if they had done anything different. Some kids are great and do well with positive reinforcement (which I am sure my parents tried), but I think others may just be a little tougher to "break". I was stubborn and mouthy... and I just didn't "get it" with a sweet little "please don't do this" or a time out. TBH, I think I probably needed a good butt-whooping every once in a while.. and I got it.

Maybe I would have turned out to be a much different person had they stuck with the postive reinforcement... but I can tell you that physical punishment does not necessarily turn one into a child abuser or aggressive person.... I think I'm pretty ok.

pb127 · August 2011

kevinandmonica2011:

I might be the minority here... no flames please.

...

I can tell you that I turned out just fine. As a matter of fact, I wonder how much of a hellion I would be if they had done anything different. Some kids are great and do well with positive reinforcement (which I am sure my parents tried), but I think others may just be a little tougher to "break". I was stubborn and mouthy... and I just didn't "get it" with a sweet little "please don't do this" or a time out. TBH, I think I probably needed a good butt-whooping every once in a while.. and I got it.

Maybe I would have turned out to be a much different person had they stuck with the postive reinforcement... but I can tell you that physical punishment does not necessarily turn one into a child abuser or aggressive person.... I think I'm pretty ok.

I can see your point (and coming from Texas, I've heard a lot of the same). I just wonder if the "I turned out just fine" thing is BECAUSE of or IN SPITE of this type of punishment. No flames, just honestly pondering.

LauraLew, I was really interested to read your perspective on this situation.

Tapatio · August 2011

kevinandmonica2011:

I might be the minority here... no flames please.

I don't have any children yet, so I can't say how I would or would not discipline them. But... I can tell you I grew up down south... spanking and all that stuff was perfectly ok. I can also say, though, that I was one helluva little monster and I think I needed some of it. Ok maybe a lot of it.

My parents spanked (grandparents too... even sent me to get my own "switch") when I did something physically unacceptable (hit my brother, ran out into the street)... dangerous physical things. When I was mouthy, they used soap. After a while, the soap didn't bother me, so they used hot sauce. ick.

I can tell you that I turned out just fine. As a matter of fact, I wonder how much of a hellion I would be if they had done anything different. Some kids are great and do well with positive reinforcement (which I am sure my parents tried), but I think others may just be a little tougher to "break". I was stubborn and mouthy... and I just didn't "get it" with a sweet little "please don't do this" or a time out. TBH, I think I probably needed a good butt-whooping every once in a while.. and I got it.

Maybe I would have turned out to be a much different person had they stuck with the postive reinforcement... but I can tell you that physical punishment does not necessarily turn one into a child abuser or aggressive person.... I think I'm pretty ok.

Good point. My DH also shares this point of view and has to interact with his daughter and youngest son the same way because otherwise they get out of hand. Time outs don't work on them.

kevinandmonica2011 · August 2011

That's a good point, pb (because of or in spite of...)... and I really don't know, TBH. Possibly a little of both?

I can tell you that I ended up going into the Marine Corps shortly after my first semester of college... and the military works very similarly to this type of parenting. What I noticed, and found interesting, if that soooo many other people had a serious problem with authority, spoiled whiney brats who were used to being treated gently and "asked" to do things (*I am not saying that children who are not punished physically grow up to be this way... but you can tell who had it easy and who was used to being physical). These people had a really hard time getting used to military life. I had a very smooth transition.

I realize that the rest of the world is nothing like the military, but I can tell you that I have had a really easy time with school and work since then as well as personal relationships. People always comment about work ethic and just "getting things done" without complaint... and I attribute a lot of that to how I was raised... do as you are told, no negotiating, no whining. If you don't do as you are told, you will be punished and then we will talk about it.

I am sure there are lots of people out there who develop this same type of personality/work ethic without physical punishment... but I am not sure that I would have gotten there without it.

kevinandmonica2011 · August 2011

Tapatio:
kevinandmonica2011:

I might be the minority here... no flames please.

I don't have any children yet, so I can't say how I would or would not discipline them. But... I can tell you I grew up down south... spanking and all that stuff was perfectly ok. I can also say, though, that I was one helluva little monster and I think I needed some of it. Ok maybe a lot of it.

My parents spanked (grandparents too... even sent me to get my own "switch") when I did something physically unacceptable (hit my brother, ran out into the street)... dangerous physical things. When I was mouthy, they used soap. After a while, the soap didn't bother me, so they used hot sauce. ick.

I can tell you that I turned out just fine. As a matter of fact, I wonder how much of a hellion I would be if they had done anything different. Some kids are great and do well with positive reinforcement (which I am sure my parents tried), but I think others may just be a little tougher to "break". I was stubborn and mouthy... and I just didn't "get it" with a sweet little "please don't do this" or a time out. TBH, I think I probably needed a good butt-whooping every once in a while.. and I got it.

Maybe I would have turned out to be a much different person had they stuck with the postive reinforcement... but I can tell you that physical punishment does not necessarily turn one into a child abuser or aggressive person.... I think I'm pretty ok.

Good point. My DH also shares this point of view and has to interact with his daughter and youngest son the same way because otherwise they get out of hand. Time outs don't work on them.

My parents told me they tried time-outs... and I would just run out of my room or scream non-stop. They would hold the door shut while I screamed in my room and I would bang on the door non-stop. It sounds like I was a real little terror (sooo embarrassed.). From what they told me, they would usually start out with a verbal warning, then a time out, then if I got physical (kicking, biting, hitting) or just would not stop (we're talking an hour + here), they would tell me they were going to spank me and if I still didn't stop (stubborn little monster), they would spank me. I guess it just took getting to that point for me. What a brat.

My parents used to tell me too (once I was a teenager), that they hoped I had children just like me. Man am I in for it. yikes!

Bonnini · August 2011

noah-bear:
I believe it should be considered child abuse. Just like forcing them in freezing cold showers.
I was spanked as a child and had my mouth washed out with soap. I was spanked with belts, buckles, spoons (plastic and metal), hands, paddles and looking back, that was too much.

Discipline does not have to equal hitting your child in my eyes. Patting their hands away or patting their bottom to get their attention isn't spanking/hitting. Leaving marks, temporary (red print) or bruise, crosses lines in my eyes.

I agree with you as well. I have been subject to all of these things, and my older sister tried hot sauce on me, and it didn't work. I have a very high heat index and loooove hot sauce, so yeah there's that.

Bonnini · August 2011

lauralew:
GraceInCA:
I don't really believe in corporal punishment of any kind. Not spanking, hot saucing, any of it. Study after study shows that corporal punishment is ineffective. So even putting aside the fact that it can be cruel and sadistic, it doesn't really work in the long run. There are many better and more effective ways of parenting. I don't think anyone needs to resort to something that extreme for discipline. Positive reinforcement, encouraging kids to verbalize their feelings, giving explanations for acceptable behavior, etc., all are much more effective than anything physical.

My son isn't a saint, but he's pretty awesome, and we have never laid a finger on him. My parents were the same with me, and DH's parents with him. We mostly all stayed out of trouble, and were decent kids.
Totes butting in, but since this is my career and life passion, I feel like I need to interject.
I agree with Noah and Grace. You want your child to be intrinsically motivated (meaning THEY want to do the good things) not motivated by fear. I work with so many parents who chose to use physical discipline rather than any other type of discipline. They get so frustrated when their children become violent (hitting other children or siblings), not understanding they are teaching their child how to be violent.
In the state of Kansas you are allowed to spank. Any CPS worker will tell you it's your choice, but encourage you to not use objects and caution that if you leave marks it is considered child abuse.
Also, to kind of address Sabrina's situation, many times CPS can only provide limited intervention until things get "bad enough." I'm not saying this is right, but that's also done to protect families who may not need extreme intervention. Obviously, in your situation maybe this woman does need extreme intervention, but CPS's standards tend to be different than most people's standards. I hate it, but sometimes their hands are tied (and other times it's just a bad worker). I will also say in the state of MO the CPS workers are NOT social workers. They are any person with a bachelor's degree who takes a 10 week training...because for some reason MO thinks 10 weeks is equal to four years of college.

I just wanted to say Congrats on the Twins! I think I missed your posts (I have been on a bumpie break the last few months..Also I love the expression on your husbands face in your siggy. It made me smile.

CashewsMommy · August 2011

DH was punished with hot sauce. He had an ulcer by age 6.... that's when his mother finally found another home for him. DH's step-father used to be very very mean, until child protective services came to the house one day.

Tapatio · August 2011

CashewsMommy:
DH was punished with hot sauce. He had an ulcer by age 6.... that's when his mother finally found another home for him. DH's step-father used to be very very mean, until child protective services came to the house one day.

That's heartbreaking!

LottaLattes · August 2011

I think it's totally excessive and not appropriate (personally). I also tend to be kinda lax about disciplining my kids and, when needed, they are models of good behavior. Until they get home

I have a friend who is a spanker who was firmly convinced that spanking is why her daughter was so well-behaved (my eldest at the time was a terror on legs, but cute!) Then she had her son and began to eat her words, he was spanked as well but really didn't care at all, he was just a hellion! Ultimately, kids are kind of how they are, you can give them love and good guidance but you can't change who and what they are.

But again, I'm so not a tough love person at all, so it's from that opinion for sure!

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