Postpartum Depression
emt852
member
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Baby Blues or PPD?
emt852
member
I am 10 days PP. I have been crying nonstop. I have no appetitte. I don't feel like getting out of bed. This baby was planned. My husband and I started trying right after we got married and were very lucky to get pregnant right away. I wanted a baby more than anything. I feel like a horrible person for saying this, because I know how lucky I am, but I am suddenly questioning why I wanted children at all. I feel like my life is over. I feel like I am stuck in this house for the rest of my life, and all I will do is change diapers and feed him. I'm worried about him every second. I have severe anxiety over leaving him to go back to work. I can't remember what I was thinking when I said I wanted a baby so badly. I feel like I was expecting something totally different. I am scared my relationship with my husband will never be the same, and I feel like our marriage is ruined. He's great and he helps all the time, and he loves our son, but I feel SO alone. I don't know what to do. I have a history of severe depression and am taking medication, as I was throughout my pregnancy. This is something i've never felt before and I don't know if it is PPD or related to my hormones. Any advice would be appreciated. I just need to know if these are normal feelings, and it will get better as he gets older...
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Re: Baby Blues or PPD?
PPD or hormones? it could be both. 'Baby Blues' is the sort of panic and depression that can last for the first few weeks, but if it continues, it changes into PPD. Hormones have you all screwed up, too, which doesn't help and if you are breastfeeding, all THOSE hormones are complicating life too!
These are normal feelings. From my own experience and from reading blogs, and watching thebump forums, it happens to the best of us, even the ones who excitedly planned and anticipated our babies. I know the feeling of doubt that having a child was maybe the wrong decision. I felt overwhelmed, completely lacked confident and doubted everything I did - despite reassurance from family that I was doing great.
It will get better as he gets older. Right now it's true, all you do is change diapers and feed him (I notice you don't mention sleep, because that's also true. there's not much sleep happening, and that makes the situation worse). As he gets older, the sleeping will get better, the eating will get better, it will become more regular and you will learn your baby better (I think here are really only a few magic women who can differentiate her baby's cries after only a few days.. the rest of us are just confused). Once you are able to sleep more, it will help. Once he is able to stay away longer, interact and can smile at you, it will help.
Personally, I was anticipating going back to work so my daughter would be with a 'professional' all day and wouldn't be stuck with me. Thinking that made me feel horrible, but it also sounded great.
My daughter is now 5 months old. Life really turned around at 10 weeks when we did (pediatrician recommended) sleep training and I started to get better sleep. At 4 months she turned a corner and really started smiling more than she was crying. There are still some times when I get extremely anxious, worried and have doubts, but I'm taking medication and it is much much better.
It's possible that you will read this, any other advice and experiences here, or at other sources and think: rationally this makes sense. Of course it will be better when he can tell me what hurts, when he can feed himself and is toilet trained. When he is old enough to go to school and take on fun outings. But emotionally? This newborn stage feels like it will last foreeeevvvveeeer! That was me.
Don't hesitate to talk to your husband, share your fears with your OB at your next PP check up (or before then, even!) If it does turn out to be PPD, you do not deserve it - you do deserve the helpful support of your family, friends and medical professionals.
Hang in there, it's hard. I know ~hug~
I have this same question. I have had all of your exact same feelings with all 3 of my babies. My first only lasted a couple weeks. My second didn't get better until I started on Zoloft. Then with my third I still felt this way even though I started the Zoloft right after I delivered.It lasted about 2 1/2 weeks. And I slowly come out of it a little each day. I am 4 weeks postpartum now and I still have moments but its not as intense as it was at first. I tend to think mine is caused by the drop in hormones since it usually gets better after 2-3 weeks.
Just know that so many women experience this. You are not alone in the way you are feeling. I completely understand how hard and scary it is to go through this though. You are completely normal and I PROMISE it will get better. I never thought it would, but it did and I even decided to have more children.
I would say if it doesn't start to get better in another few days give your Dr a call. It really made me feel better after my second little one once I started to get help.
Good luck with all of this and if you ever need to talk you can message me.