Attachment Parenting

Please help - zommmbbieee mom

I'm going to try to keep this brief...but we'll see. Actual questions in bold.

 DS sleeps a LOT better than he used to. Until 9 months he woke up 8-12 times a night. If he sleep with us I don't sleep much at all, so we try not to let him sleep in our bed too much. Still, at least once a night DH and I fall back asleep while DS is nursing and my sleep isn't great. I'm so tired of being tired that I'm wanting to night wean (at this point he wakes up ~2 times a night wanting mom). At the same time, it takes hours to get DS to sleep, and usually at this point he is awake until 9-10, even though he only takes one nap and is awake by 2ish.

 So. I want DS to sleep better, go to sleep easier, and stop nursing at night (or at least only after 5a or something reasonable like that). He is 16 months, so I think that he is old enough to understand somewhat, we just need to convince him that it is okay. I'm NOT okay with CIO and while NCSS was useful in some ways, it has never solved our problems, no matter how strictly we stick to it.

 I'm thinking about trying the Sleep Lady Shuffle (if I ever make it to the library to get the book...though I think the gist is to leave him in the crib and comfort him but let him figure it out on his own??). One question I have is: Is there any way to work him up more gradually to just crying in his crib, even with us there? Are there smaller steps we can do to make it an easier transition?

The other thing I'm worried about is that for as long as I can remember, I've never had an easy time getting to sleep. My brain is ON and while I enjoy BEING asleep and I enjoy sleeping IN, I just don't want to go to bed. My husband LOVES to go to bed and can go to sleep anywhere, anytime. I worry that this is a personality trait that I've passed along to my son. Does that make sense? Is it possible that DS is genetically predisposed to fight sleep, and is there a way that anyone knows of to convince him that sleep is a good thing?

 I really appreciate any help you ladies can give me. I'm kinda at my wits end and tired of being tired all the time.

 

 

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Re: Please help - zommmbbieee mom

  • When I was in your shoes, Ferber's book was the cure for us. Nothing else worked. No shuffling or NCSS ... just didn't work. I do remember that his book said something about people worrying or assuming that they just have a "bad sleeper." And he believes that in almost all of those cases, it's just a matter of changing habits and watching your child's sleep clues. (I could be remembering this wrong ... I was really sleep deprived when I read it.) But anyway, his method worked and it was not torturous, like CIO would be. We were all ready for a little sleep.
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  • Are you my long lost sister lol?  I'm the same way as you in that I have a hard time going to bed because I have "too much to do" and my DH is half a narcoleptic (I swear he would sleep standing up if he didn't fall over).  I've had sleep problems with both of my girls so I might not be the best help but this is what I did that worked for DD#1.  I used the NCSS but had DH do the actual sleep training.  I'm a wuss and can't hear the girls crying without just wanting to grab them and make them feel better (also after being alone with them all day I'm sick of hearing the crying).  DH put a mattress on the floor of the nursery and would lay down with DD#1 until she fell asleep, he would then put her in the crib, make sure she stayed asleep, and then come back to bed.  She would get up 2-3/night until 15 mo (she was still taking some formula because she just had to eat and I was pregnant with DD#1 and had lost my milk) and then it slowly decreased.  Because DH could sleep better and wasn't as bothered by the crying, he was fine doing the sleep training and wasn't even that tired since he had a mattress in the nursery while he was helping DD#1 get to sleep.  DD#1 is now a great sleeper and almost never gets up at night.  She's still not a great napper unless she is at home in her own bed (she'll nap for 2 hrs then) but otherwise she's great.  I have the same problem with DD#2 in that she still nurses due to a feeding delay and refuses a bottle or paci.  Some kids are just orally fixated and I would try to get LO to take a paci to help with the comfort.  GL and I hope you get some sleep.  Oh and I know I hated it when other people said it but I really do nap when the girls nap.  DD#2 naps in bed with me so she doesn't wake her sister and it forces me to lay down with her and take a short nap too so I'm not dead on my feet.
  • What time are you starting his bedtime routine? 

    Around that age we had to move bath time up to 6pm. We found out we were starting way too late so she was overtired. I think we were starting at 8pm or so. Once we switched it to 6pm, she slept through the night until 6am.  

  • Thanks you guys! Please keep the advice coming!

     I think I'm going to give the Sleep Lady Shuffle and Ferber books a try. I've heard Ferber's whole book isn't as bad as the small part he is known for. *sigh* We've tried CIO (Ferber-style, checking every few minutes) back in January and it didn't go well at all. We were all miserable and my happy, independent little boy became very clingy and nervous all the time. It was horrible. Maybe the increase in age will change that?

     Maybe we'll also try bathtime in a few minutes too....right now we start bedtime routine around 8 and then give up and he plays til sometime between 9 or 10, or else screams and fights us. We've tried earlier bedtimes before and sometimes it will work for a day, and sometimes he decides he took a nap and is ready to play for hours at 8 or 9... :) We'll see.

     I'm hoping if we don't get it fixed before that the time change will help. We live in an apartment complex full of kids and have to leave his window open for airflow, so he hears kids playing. And it is bright (even with light blocking curtains). ugh.

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  • imageterri.m.reid@gmail.com:


     Maybe we'll also try bathtime in a few minutes too....right now we start bedtime routine around 8 and then give up and he plays til sometime between 9 or 10, or else screams and fights us. We've tried earlier bedtimes before and sometimes it will work for a day, and sometimes he decides he took a nap and is ready to play for hours at 8 or 9... :) We'll see.

     

    This was us! I finally called the pedi to ask for advice and she suggested moving the bedtime up to six. The very first night it worked. I called her to tell her I felt like I owed her a fortune. We stayed consistent and it kept working. 

    GL!  

     

  • So it is 6:35p here and I have a very happy active little toddler (til we try to calm him down). He isn't showing any signs of tiredness. Did your LOs show signs they were tired at 6?

     I'm also wondering if giving him a bath right before bedtime is part of our problem. Bathtime is very active and exciting. Maybe we need to start giving him a bath at other times so that bedtime doesn't start with a rousing party?

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  • OMG y'all.....it is 7:15 and my son is asleep! Lord I hope he doesn't decide this is a nap! :)
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  • imageterri.m.reid@gmail.com:
    OMG y'all.....it is 7:15 and my son is asleep! Lord I hope he doesn't decide this is a nap! :)

    Holy crap! Fingers crossed he's out until morning! 

  • How did it go last night?
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