I feel People Expect me to be more Excited . . .

cinderella4282 · August 2011

I am very excited to be having a little one . . . DH and I always knew we wanted children. But with this being our first, I'm not really sure what to expect. When people run up and congratulate me . . . I feel like they expect me to be more excited.

It's just hard because I have no clue what I'm getting myself into and up until this week I have been throwing up twice a day . . . now it's more like every other day . . . so the joys of being pregnant haven't quite kicked in yet. I think once the LO starts moving and I can feel it, it will be different.

Does anyone else feel this way?

Sweetest116 · August 2011

I don't feel that way, but I completely understand why you feel the way you do! Sounds like this pregnancy has taken a lot out of you already, so you're not yourself, you're tired, you feel icky and you haven't really gotten into the fun part of the 2nd tri yet. I'm sure the excitement will come when you feel human again and you look more pregnant and feel baby. Until then, take it easy! Smile

pinksweetpea2 · August 2011

Don't worry about it. You are going through this every day, while they really are only thinking about it when they see you. Of course they are going to be more excited in that one moment that they are thinking about it. ;b

It does get more exciting as you approach the end, but right now we have more than halfway to go. No one can hold onto that kind of excitement for that long.

AmyMhuston · August 2011

I know how you feel. This is baby number 2 for me...but pregnancy number 3. With my first I was overly excited and would be talking about the baby 24/7! Then I was TTC for about 6 years and managed to get pregnant suddenly, after all that time. As excited as I was....it never felt "right" and I ended up losing the baby. So this time I'm just quietly happy but very cautious. I don't know that the joy will come completely until maybe the 3rd trimester.

I do feel weird when people approach me at church with huge smiles on their face asking me...or telling me, how excited I must be for this baby...and I'm just like yeah.....it's cool. All the while I'm just thinking I would rather not be talking about it publicly at all yet. Weird....I know.

aglenn · August 2011

When I was pregnant with DD, I was definitely more terrified than excited. I know exactly what you mean, because I felt like something must be wrong with me, but in talking to other people about it afterwards it's actually really common and totally normal. I know the first time around I hit a point around week 20 where I suddenly got "on board" more; not sure how else to describe it. I think it took a while for me to get my mind around the hugeness of having a baby.

This time, I'm scared about the changes a second one is going to bring to our family dynamic, and how the heck I'm ever going to have time to sleep again....but I'm less scared than before, and I'm starting to get excited a little earlier. Hang in there, you will get there on your own time.

Lizzama · August 2011

This is #2 for me and I wouldn't say I'm excited (jumping around and throwing parties excited). I'm happy we're having a baby. I don't remember feeling excited with my first either though. Not sure how to describe it. I've been sick for both though too. I was more excited about my son after he was born. I think that's how I'll feel this time around too. People always seem to give me a weird look when they ask "Are you guys excited?" and my response is usually "Meh. Sure." We have lots of time left until baby is here, and then we have a 2 year old to worry about :-/

cathom7 · August 2011

I am cracked out excited, but too nervous/scared to really let it out and let myself feel it(nervous of m/c)(had 1 before DS and bleeding this time). And exhausted. And trying not to puke. So, sometimes people catch me when I can't talk too much bc I don't want to dry heave. LOL But, yesterday we could hear heartbeat AND hear baby kicking it up in there, which I started feeling. It took MUCH of the weight off my shoulders and I am feeling more.... Free? To be excited?

aggie1983 · August 2011

I feel the same way. I'm not an overly emotional person to begin with, but it made me feel bad when I would tell people and they would start crying and hugging me and screaming. I didn't even cry when I find out! I think I'll be more excited when I know the sex and can start really thinking of names and picturing him or her.

hmhiggin · August 2011

I know how you feel. Every keeps saying how excited I must be...And I am. It almost comes and goes. When I'm nauseous and tired and bloated...not so excited. But then I look at my picture from the NT scan and I get all smiley and excited again. I'm also very nervous because I cant stop thinking about the fact that at any time something could go wrong. I know all the odds are against it, and the chances are sooooooooooooooo small. But I think once I get to the point where the kid would be viable outside I'll feel better. And once I can feel her. And hear the HB with my stethoscope everyday.

My husband says I'm nuts when I tell him that sometimes, I feel like someone is playing an elaborate prank on me. And that when I go for an u/s they are playing a recorded video of someone else. I'm not showing at all, and I cant even feel my uterus. For all I know its empty down there!!

It's probably all crazy hormones talking. I just want to feel it.

JhawkCE · August 2011

Don't feel bad. I felt that way with my first and I feel that way with my second. For me, it's just who I am. I love my son and will love my new kid, but I'm just really emotional. It's ok.

I'll provide you with an analogy because I do LOVE analogies.

There are some churches where you dance in the aisles and sing out praise with exuberance and there are some churches with more sedate and ritualistic methods of worship. Are those who participate at churches with more outward energy any less devoted and faithful than those whom choose to pray/worship in a more internal capacity? No they aren't. They may not "feel the spirit move them", but they can be just as devout and faithful. Likewise you are not any less of a parent or good person for not feeling or expressing overwhelming joy and happiness over this event (not that you aren't happy in your own way). You can not be expected to change your personality just to suit what others perceive as an appropriate response to your own life changing events.

Just smile and say "yes, thank you" and try not to roll your eyes when they ask "ARE YOU EXCITED SQEEEEEEE!!!!!"

Just for the record, I never had one defining moment where I was just over the moon. Even when my son was born I was kind of shell shocked. I look back and I can't tell you when it happened, but I know that I would do anything for him. I love him just as much as any one of those ecstatic pregnant women will love their children. From my own observations of my own friends I think I actually have an easier time handling what he throws at me than a lot of my friends who were blissfully happy pregnant women because I tend to take a more practical approach and prepare myself mentally for the challenges rather than all the cuddling and cooing.

Neither way is more right, it just is what it is.

applejack85 · August 2011

i feel the same way. i feel bad when people start crying and jumping up and down for me because i've never done that for me. i think i've just been surprised at how worried i am and how sick and low energy i feel. i'm really excited when other people are pregnant but the other feelings are totally overriding my feelings of excitement at this point.

mlbohannon1120 · August 2011

applejack85:
but the other feelings are totally overriding my feelings of excitement at this point.

This EXACTLY! We are happy that we are having a baby, but this pregnancy was a big surprise. My mother ended up spreading the word very early, so we were getting "congrats" from several people before we'd even had a chance to get over the initial shock. We are not upset at all, but most days the excitement is masked by all of the other scary, overwhelming, self conscious feelings.

I'm uncomfortable, swelling, widening all over, have little energy, cry at the drop of a hat - I just don't feel like myself. I'm still getting used to this new person that pregnancy has turned ME into, much less getting excited about the LO that's growing in my uterus. I'm sure that we'll get there - there are some days when I can glimpse what I may start feeling soon - I think I felt baby move the other day so that was very neat - weird but neat.

badtzmaru22 · August 2011

I totally feel like this. I am SO excited to be pregnant, but I'm also still grieving my loss, and my previous EDD is coming up. I don't get excited about u/s because I'm so worried we'll have another bad one. Even people who know about my loss think I should be more excited. And why does EVERYONE have to ask if this is my first? Hopefully it's my first take-home baby... it's not my first pregnancy... I never know what to say, and I don't want to emotionally vomit my sad story all over well-meaning people. But at the same time, I don't feel like I can just ignore my angel baby.

Anyway, I get how you can feel like this without having been through a loss as well. Some people are just the crazy excited type, and think everyone needs to be that way, or else they're not really excited. Part of my lack of outward excitement is also related to the fact that I just don't want to be the center of attention, and I feel like people are gravitating toward me.

jja0812 · August 2011

You just have to remind yourself that unlike these other people, your baby is not an "out of sight, out of mind" thing for you. While they may only see you for a few minutes a day, you carry the baby with you 24/7... that is a lot of time for your emotions to be spread over. You can't be jumping up and down for 40 weeks (nor should you be, haha), and maybe you're not the type of person to do that anyway, but it doesn't make you any less happy about your baby. I really like the above analogy about churches! And while you have every aspect of the pregnancy to deal with, from the fear of the unknown, to morning sickness, to money matters etc., these things are the furthest from other people's minds when it comes to your pregnancy. Same with when the baby is here, and you're the one changing poopy diapers while friends just see your little cherub smile and coo. I feel like I'm rambling, but does that make sense?

When I told my sister we were expecting, she asked me, "why are you not more excited?!". I had to remind her that we had already known for weeks, it's not like I'm announcing it to myself for the first time!

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