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Babies: 3 - 6 Months
Grandma wants to be called "Mom Mom" by my DS...
Ok, so my MIL keeps signing cards to DS as "Mom Mom." How do I delicately approach the subject that she needs to pick a different name to be calling herself? I'm Mom, Momma, Mommy, etc. She's the grandmother. I don't want DS (who will be 4 months on Saturday) to get confused as he is learning names, nor do I ever want to ever hear him calling her "Mom." DH will not discuss the subject with MIL because, basically, he never wants to offend her and lets her get away with everything. So this means that I have to broach the subject because it REALLY bothers me. Advice please!!
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Re: Grandma wants to be called "Mom Mom" by my DS...
Tell her it bothers you and that she needs to pick a different name.
Then suggest options: Nana, Grams, etc. I don't know your background, but perhaps there is a special name you can pull from (my father is Opa, as we have German heritage.)
And tell your DH he needs to grow up and back up his wife when something bothers her.
I think the upfront/honest approach is best but never easy! It might sting a little for your MIL when you tell her you'd prefer your children to call her something more traditional/different/specific, but it will save you a lot of stress and hurt feelings in the future. Nip it in the bud! Rip it like a band-aid... do something fast and get it over with !
I know I have a huge problem setting boundaries with IL's, this is just me talking after learning the hard way too many times.
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Personally, I would focus more on your husband. She is his mom and it would mean more coming from him. He doesn't have to be mean or rude, he can simply say " Mom, you are going to have to find another name. Mom Mom won't work and will be too confusing to the baby."
I would ask him why he would rather you be upset than his mom. Especially since you are the one that he made vows to forsake all others and you are the one that gave birth to his child. I know you are thinking that this mom mom business is small but it really isn't. IMO she is slowly trying to chip away at your mother position and she needs to be put in her place now before she becomes a monster.
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You could always tell your husband that he needs to say something or you will and you won't be nice about it.
I would politely approach the MIL and explain exactly that, that you don't want your son to get confused when learning names. I would offer her some sweet loving names (maybe she feels grandma sounds too old). Children are going to call the grandparents whatever they are referred to the most. Frequently they turn into something completely different. My cousins couldn't say grandma and simply called her Meme/Mimi when they were little and it stuck. My husband called his grandma Mema. My niece called my mother Nana (which is what we refer to her as).
Other name suggestions:
Nana, Grams, Grammy, G-ma, Grandmama, GG, Nanny, Nan, GiGi, YaYa
GoodLuck and Best Wishes!!
This, especially the bolded part.
"MIL, I think it may become confusing to DS to have both a 'Mom' and a 'Mom Mom.' It would be better for him to learn to call you something a little different from what he calls me, so I'd really appreciate it if you'd choose something else. How about Ma or Gram?"
FWIW, all my cousins called my Grandmother "Ma." It was cute.
And if you're okay with your H not talking to his mother for you, make sure that he at least backs you up on it when she complains to him about it. GL.
I can see your having a real problem in this one! I do totally agree with all OP's that you need your DH heavily involved in getting this problem resolved/corrected now - not waiting trying to past-the-buck in your direction.
I do not advocate either of you getting ugly or nasty with her. But instead trying to smooth this over! I see it becoming quite involved if she persists on wanting to be called "MOM MOM" which IMO is really reserved as your name - for your son calling you not hers! Mom that is!
I would have him (DH) tell her something like - her grandson will give you his own special grand-name by saying it to you when he calls it out to you for the first time.
Thus your son creates that special name for her ... then he and he alone has given her that name for his grandmother ... Does that make since?
In the mean time you and DH can plant the seed (name) in his little head ... OK!!!
I think you should just say that you are going to let your DS pick the name. My mom wanted so badly to be called MiMi by my oldest nephew. He had other plans and chose DeeDee for her. That's what she is called by every grandchild to this day.
My dad wanted to be called grandpa, but nephew chose WohWoh.
That could be your out and no uncomfortable discussion would be necessary. Just say that you would like to let your LO choose and since your LO will be at home with you, you can just refer to MIL as whatever you want and hope LO picks up on it.
I know lots of kids who called their grandmother this. It was more like "mum-mum" but they spelled it mom mom.
But, if it really bothers you. Go with what everyone else said. Tell her nicely you'd rather her pick a different name, or wait and let DS call her what he wants.
FWIW- We wanted my mom to be "grammie." But DD1 had different ideas and never ever called her that, lol.
Baby #4; 7/7/2018
1st pregnancy: m/c began 1/12/09 d&c 1/13/09 8wks. Baby stopped growing at about 6wks.
Delaney: Born 10/15/09
Gavin: Born 4/8/11
Baby #3: due July 10, 2014
Braydon 1.23.09
Is this a regional thing? I've never even heard of "mom mom" before. I live in New England.
I would just let her know in a nice way that you think it's confusing.
My mom picked some ridiculous name she wanted to be called (it was a nickname her little brother used to call and makes no sense) -- and when I told her I thought it was weird and didn't like it she ignored me. I don't really care -- I just refer to my mom as "grandma" to my DD and figure that since DD spends 99% of her time with me and my DH, she'll eventually learn to call her what we call her.
Ugh I'm sorry! I have no idea how to approach her about it. My mother keeps calling herself mum mum, which I HATE, I think its sounds like you are mumbling and not annunciating. I've been pronouncing it mommom, which I don't like either for the same reasons you don't.
I don't know what the problem is with grandma or what we called her mother and grandmother (nanny). I'm getting kind of irritated just writing this out. Why do they think they have to have some cutesy name?!
Just be honest and tell her it bother's you.
My nieces and nephew call my mom mo-mo and that's what we call her around Lucas. It doesn't bother me even though it's close to mom. He has whined mama twice and my mom said he's not saying mama he's saying mo-mo. That bothered me so I was honest with her about it.
From what I understand, it is a very common thing in PA. My SIL calls her grandmother this too. I never heard it before this and I am originally from NY. I called my grandparents grandpa and grandma, with my maternal grandfather being grandpa "cal" which I really thought was grandpa cow until I was way to old to say here without being embarressed. My paternal great grandmother was nana. Honestly, I don't care what anyone wants to be called short of mom and dad, or mommy and daddy.
In the end, kids have a way of deciding for themselves. However I think the real issue is if your DH is unwilling to back you up, no matter how rational or irrational you are.
The bolded part exactly. My DH is from Philly and everyone there calls their Grandmas "Mom-Mom" and Grandpas are "Pop-Pop". It is what it is... My niece out there couldn't say "Mom-Mom" so she said "Mi-Mi" for Grandma (think M M for Mom-Mom) and then Great Grandma is "Gi-Gi" (like G G for great-grandma).
I guess it doesn't bother me at all. I don't feel threatened or that my son with think Grandma is his mom.... He will call my parents Grandma and Grandpa because that is how we do it in our family and on my DH's side it will be Mom-Mom and Pop-Pop.
I guess I would rather have Mom-Mom than "Glam Mom" and some of the other somewhat ridiculous names I have seen to make a Grandma not feel like a Grandma.
Glam mom? For real? HA but in the end short of calling them mommy and daddy... pick your battles. IF this is a BIG deal to you, than it is. These things are personal.
yeah, it was in another post.... someone's mom wanted to be the "glam mom" and her daughter would be the "glam daughter" and then I think someone else said their mom taught their DD to call her "gorgeous"... I don't get it. but yeah, it is personal - to each her own I guess.
I think you just need to talk to her about it....nicely and calmy. If she doesn't follow your request, I would then have your DH deal with it. Interestingly enough, I grew up calling my mom's mother.."Mom." She never ever wanted us to refer to her as grandma...grandmother...granny or anything in that realm. Now, that I've read your posting, I'm going to ask my mother did it bother her. Just a quick question, would it bother you if it was your mother with the request?
Good luck with your chat.
Most likely the way that you and your H refer to her will be the way that your son refers to her, since that will be what he hears the most. She might call herself that and sign her name as that, but he probably won't call her that since he won't hear that as often as he hears what you call her. Whenever you refer to her, call her whatever you want him to call her.
Also, lots of kids make up their own names for their grandparents. Some are stranger than others. I've heard some pretty cute ones. For all you know, your son might end up calling her something adorably wacky and original that he made up all on his own.
I'm sure there is a way to let her know that you are uncomfortable with her using that nickname without it offending her too much. Maybe you can say that you want him to come up with his own name to make it more special? Or you could tell her that you are uncomfortable with that name since you want to be only one called 'mom'. I'm sure that being a mom herself, she would be able to understand where you are coming from. If she gets upset, ask her how she would feel if her own son went around calling people 'mom'. Then she might understand.
My own mom wants to be called momom too, and I'm okay with her being called that since for us it means Mom's Mom. I think it is a much more appropriate nickname for the maternal grandmother, not the paternal one. If my MIL wanted to be called that, I would be just as upset as you are. Just know that no matter what your son called his grandmother, no one can ever take your place.
This too. If you give her an inch she will take a mile. Your H needs to step up big time.
My Grandmother was "MomMom" and so my Mom also wants to be called that. I just prefer Grandma, but it's not worth the battle. Kids are fantastic language learners and although it may sound like he's confused as he's learning, it won't last long. That short period will be over before you know it.
However, maybe she wouldn't mind changing it - you should just be open with her (in a very friendly way) that you're concerned there may be confusion and see what she says. Perhaps she didn't really think about that aspect and would be more than happy to pick something else. If she's determined to keep "MomMom", I suggest to save the fight for more important issues.
MomMom is what my DH and his siblings and all his cousins call their grandmother. I agree that it's just a regional thing as their from the Philly area as well. My MIL called HER grandmother Mom Mom too. It's just another way of saying the same thing and none of the children get confused.
The confusing thing came when my MIL and her sister started having children. They decided that it would be confusing to have 3 "Mom Mom"'s around with all the grandchildren, so they go by Nana and the fathers go by Pop instead of Pop Pop.
My parents, were they alive would be Maw Maw and Paw Paw, again, a regional thing.
oh boy, there is so much more important things to worry about than that. Mommom is generally a common name used and so is Grandmom what do you want them to be called?
Did you offer any other suggestions?
My MIL is grandmom to one of her grandchildren and Nana to my two. My mom is mommom as it is a traditional name used in my family. Trust me your baby will not be confused as to who mom is, your baby will certainly be able to differentiate between mommy and mommom. It sounds completely different and is used in a different context.
Don't stress over the small things in the life, enjoy the fact that your baby has a person in his life that is a willing, loving person who wants to be there for him, the name doesn't matter the love does.
Samantha Skye - Aug 30, 2006 AND Maxwell Griffin - April 14, 2009
I am in the same boat...
My MIL calls herself "Nana Witch" to our 1 month old. My other two children (7 & 11)call her grandma. I do not agree with or like the thought of my child calling her grandma that and dont understand how some one would even want another person to call them that. When I mentioned that she can call her Nana but not Nana Witch I was told by my MIL to "Get over it", which irritates me even more.
Ugh I take issue with this too. I guess I can see how the name makes sense - "Mom of Mom." But I like Big Mamaw or Big Momma (that's my baby's grandmother's name). I REALLY like unique names - I'm going to be Honey when I'm a grandmother (or so I say...) and my mom is Bibi.
My FIL is from The Sticks (East Texas rednecks) and they call their grandfathers Pawpaw - I sound stupid when I say it, but it also sounds like Papa, which I want my baby to call DH. I fought him hard by saying he was taking one of my DH's names! Whatever. I wouldn't mind him being Big Papa (I like it when you call me big papa...lol).
This is how it works in my house. Sometimes he does confront her; sometimes he would rather me do it even if it's not nice.