Q from a lurker: did any of you make more $$ than DH before you were a SAHM?

Pelusa214 · August 2011

We saved for a few years before we had DD#1 & I was able to SAH for a little over a year, but then we ran out of $$ & I went back to work FT. Long story short, I hate where I work, I hate what I'm doing, I have to take work home with me nights & weekends, and I basically never see my child. I also take care of the laundry, the bills/finances, the meal planning & grocery shopping. House cleaning just doesn't get done. The job market in my field in my state is practically non-existent, I'm due with DD#2 in November, and I make 1 1/2 times the salary that DH makes.

I feel terrible about it, but I've gotten to the point where I just can not go back to that job after I have this baby. We have enough savings to last until late spring/early summer, and DH works 24 hours on/72 hours off, which makes him available for a 2nd job. Problem is that it's a rotating schedule, so he can't get anything with steady days/hours. He just finished real estate school, but with this market, I don't know how much we can depend on his salary. I'll gladly work part-time, but we basically need to gross $50k/year between his 2nd job & my part-time job. I just don't know how we're going to do it. Anything I do isn't going to bring in much money, I fear. We can't even sell our house & move to something cheaper because we've lost almost $150k in value since we bought it 4 years ago due to the housing market.

I'm just looking for some encouragement & hoping that there are some other SAHM's or PT-SAHM's that have been able to make ends meet even though they were making more $$ than their husbands when they stopped working.

JessesGirl&MackenziesMom · August 2011

This is really tough, it sounds like you want to stay home so badly but cannot realisticly afford it. That is really hard. I think a lot of people are experiencing that in this economy. I hope others have some great suggestions. I just wanted to say hang in there and I hope you find some great part time opportunities.

JamieSF · August 2011

What field do you work in? Is there any way that you could go part time? Could you freelance and make a decent amount of money? For the couples that I know where the higher earner became a stay at home parent, the other parent had an income that was about to shoot up (many promotions in the coming years, about to graduate school, etc.) or the stay at home parent continued to work part time or freelance.

Pelusa214 · August 2011

I'm a teacher Not exactly something you can do freelance...

I can tutor, but it's sporadic & it's tough to get tutoring gigs when you don't work in the area & already know people in the district. I can teach college, but I don't have any experience or connections. My intention is to apply as an adjunct at several colleges, but I've heard it's near impossible to get an adjust position unless you know someone in the department. We'll be ok if I can gross $20-$25k a year, I think, but I'm not going to make that on $12 an hour. I'm trying to be creative, but I'm just at a loss as to what I can do to pull in enough money.

iteachk · August 2011

I made more money than DH when I worked, and we planned for a long time for me to SAH. We basically tried to save my salary vs. spending it for a year to see if we could live without it. We also bought a smaller house, drive used cars, don't eat out or buy new clothes, furnitute, etc, don't have fancy cell phones or extras like that, and generally just live really simply. DH also works a lot of side jobs in addition to being gone 12 hours a day fo work. He's not aroud much, which sucks, but we are debt free, and wouldn't trade me SAH for anything.

lurkylulu2 · August 2011

Pelusa214:

I'm a teacher Not exactly something you can do freelance...

I can tutor, but it's sporadic & it's tough to get tutoring gigs when you don't work in the area & already know people in the district. I can teach college, but I don't have any experience or connections. My intention is to apply as an adjunct at several colleges, but I've heard it's near impossible to get an adjust position unless you know someone in the department. We'll be ok if I can gross $20-$25k a year, I think, but I'm not going to make that on $12 an hour. I'm trying to be creative, but I'm just at a loss as to what I can do to pull in enough money.

Why can't you work as a substitute teacher?

JessesGirl&MackenziesMom · August 2011

Pelusa214:

I'm a teacher Not exactly something you can do freelance...

I can tutor, but it's sporadic & it's tough to get tutoring gigs when you don't work in the area & already know people in the district. I can teach college, but I don't have any experience or connections. My intention is to apply as an adjunct at several colleges, but I've heard it's near impossible to get an adjust position unless you know someone in the department. We'll be ok if I can gross $20-$25k a year, I think, but I'm not going to make that on $12 an hour. I'm trying to be creative, but I'm just at a loss as to what I can do to pull in enough money.

You are qualified to teach college level courses?? That's good. Maybe you could start applying to teach online ...

spring_time · August 2011

lurkylulu2:
Pelusa214:

I'm a teacher Not exactly something you can do freelance...

I can tutor, but it's sporadic & it's tough to get tutoring gigs when you don't work in the area & already know people in the district. I can teach college, but I don't have any experience or connections. My intention is to apply as an adjunct at several colleges, but I've heard it's near impossible to get an adjust position unless you know someone in the department. We'll be ok if I can gross $20-$25k a year, I think, but I'm not going to make that on $12 an hour. I'm trying to be creative, but I'm just at a loss as to what I can do to pull in enough money.

Why can't you work as a substitute teacher?

Probably not enough money. In my area, most substitute teachers only make about $60-$75 a day.

I am in a similar boat as you. I would actually like to leave the profession completely, but can't seem to figure out what I can do to make a similar salary without having to return to school. If you are looking at community colleges, also take a look at the business aspect of a college. They are often hiring grant writers. You can also take a look at community groups. There are some in my area who hire instructors for adult education.

I understand the problem with tutoring. I teach in an urban district and there is not a single parent who could afford to hire me for tutoring. My cousin teaches in the suburbs and earns $60-$75 an hour just to sit with children while they do their homework. It can be frustrating. Do you know anyone in another district? Some districts have listservs and resource lists for parents that include names of tutors. If you are in a specialized area, a friend might be able to put you on that list. Also, you could post fliers in local libraries.

Those are the ideas I have floated around in my own head, so I hope one of them works for you. Good luck!

Andrewsgal · August 2011

I have never understood the whole my hubby can get a second job so I can SAH, this totally under estimates the importantance of fathers in their kids lives and is about as selfish as it can get. " I don't care if the kids ever see their father as long as I can SAH" for some reason I very seriously doubt kids are better off with a SAHM and no time with their dad than they are with a WM. Honestly it does not sound like you can afford to SAH.

ktsnshn · August 2011

I SAH because DH makes 3x what I was making teaching. He also works crazy hours and we feel like our children should have some consistency at home. We had our first discussion about me staying home while we were still dating and started living off one income when we got married. It took a lot of planning. I am sorry that you want to stay home, but it does sound like right now you just don't have the means to do it. I am sorry that I don't have any good advice for you. Good luck!

penguingrrl · August 2011

It sounds like you aren't in the position to SAH right now. I SAH on very little money, but it's because DH is in graduate school f/t (funded by his university on a generous stipend) and we've tried having me work both p/t and f/t and it interfered too much with his ability to attend conferences and meetings and get his research done. We make do without a lot of extras (tight grocery budget, one small car, no cable, no house phone, basic cell plans, no new clothes except what the kids need and don't get as hand-me-downs or gifts from others, avoiding medical care for ourselves unless it's emergent), but we couldn't do this long-term. Four years like this has been awful, but since starting salaries with a PhD in his field are about double what he left his last industry job earning after only 4-5 years in school it makes sense for us. In your case, when it sounds like there isn't a plan for when/how the finances will improve, it does not make sense to do no matter how much you dislike working now. Sorry

Dochas · August 2011

I was but we really planned for this from the day we got together. He started a new career that is more portable than mine. We paid cash for our house and planned to stay here for at least 5 years. It's still tight. What about a p/t job and then doing season work around holidays, etc?

kcisthebombdotcom · August 2011

I was the breadwinner before I stopped working full time. However, we set up our mortgage/bills on DH's income alone before kids were even in the picture. That probably doesn't help you any, though.

The only reasonable option I see that you have is opening an in-home daycare to net any considerable income. You'd also have to combine that with cutting back extensively to make up the $50k-no cell phones, cable, internet, cancel car insurance on your car and don't drive it, etc.

GL!

Dochas · August 2011

Andrewsgal:
I have never understood the whole my hubby can get a second job so I can SAH, this totally under estimates the importantance of fathers in their kids lives and is about as selfish as it can get. " I don't care if the kids ever see their father as long as I can SAH" for some reason I very seriously doubt kids are better off with a SAHM and no time with their dad than they are with a WM. Honestly it does not sound like you can afford to SAH.

I think 24 hours on, 72 hours off actually gives plenty of time for seeing the children and working a 2nd job. It sounds like he still wouldn't be gone as much as OP is at her full time job.

kcisthebombdotcom · August 2011

Dochas:

Andrewsgal:
I have never understood the whole my hubby can get a second job so I can SAH, this totally under estimates the importantance of fathers in their kids lives and is about as selfish as it can get. " I don't care if the kids ever see their father as long as I can SAH" for some reason I very seriously doubt kids are better off with a SAHM and no time with their dad than they are with a WM. Honestly it does not sound like you can afford to SAH.

I think 24 hours on, 72 hours off actually gives plenty of time for seeing the children and working a 2nd job. It sounds like he still wouldn't be gone as much as OP is at her full time job.

Eh, not really. I'm guessing the day before/after is pretty thrown off in regards to trying to sleep before the shift/trying to get some sleep after it's over.

2ktBride · August 2011

penguingrrl:
It sounds like you aren't in the position to SAH right now. I SAH on very little money, but it's because DH is in graduate school f/t (funded by his university on a generous stipend) and we've tried having me work both p/t and f/t and it interfered too much with his ability to attend conferences and meetings and get his research done. We make do without a lot of extras (tight grocery budget, one small car, no cable, no house phone, basic cell plans, no new clothes except what the kids need and don't get as hand-me-downs or gifts from others, avoiding medical care for ourselves unless it's emergent), but we couldn't do this long-term. Four years like this has been awful, but since starting salaries with a PhD in his field are about double what he left his last industry job earning after only 4-5 years in school it makes sense for us. In your case, when it sounds like there isn't a plan for when/how the finances will improve, it does not make sense to do no matter how much you dislike working now. Sorry

Sorry but I agree with most people on here... it doesn't sound like you can afford to SAH. And if it is soooo tight that you'll have to scrape together odd jobs and have your husband add another job I think you'll be disappointed to see how much stress that will bring. If you quit your full time, well paid job for some lesser paying odds and ends is it even worth it? For me, even the the thought of being is such a tight financial situation as what you're describing would be too much for me to handle. I grew up in a family that struggled to make ends meet (my mother SAH) and it wasn't the best situation. My parents were stressed out constantly and so were all of us kids. I swore up and down that I wouldn't do that to my kids. I would only SAH if it was going to be enjoyable and financially sensible.

pumpkinwife07 · August 2011

I'm sorry, but I don't think you have much of a choice. I'm also not a fan of one parent working a billion hours, just so the other can stay home. It makes no sense to me. Kids need both their parents.

LSzwaya · August 2011

Pelusa214:
I'm a teacher Not exactly something you can do freelance...

I can tutor, but it's sporadic & it's tough to get tutoring gigs when you don't work in the area & already know people in the district. I can teach college, but I don't have any experience or connections. My intention is to apply as an adjunct at several colleges, but I've heard it's near impossible to get an adjust position unless you know someone in the department. We'll be ok if I can gross $20-$25k a year, I think, but I'm not going to make that on $12 an hour. I'm trying to be creative, but I'm just at a loss as to what I can do to pull in enough money.

Why not try online tutoring companies?

Dochas · August 2011

KC_13:
Dochas:

Andrewsgal:
I have never understood the whole my hubby can get a second job so I can SAH, this totally under estimates the importantance of fathers in their kids lives and is about as selfish as it can get. " I don't care if the kids ever see their father as long as I can SAH" for some reason I very seriously doubt kids are better off with a SAHM and no time with their dad than they are with a WM. Honestly it does not sound like you can afford to SAH.

I think 24 hours on, 72 hours off actually gives plenty of time for seeing the children and working a 2nd job. It sounds like he still wouldn't be gone as much as OP is at her full time job.

Eh, not really. I'm guessing the day before/after is pretty thrown off in regards to trying to sleep before the shift/trying to get some sleep after it's over.

Depends on the job, I guess. I dated a fireman and a bridge operator and they both got more than enough sleep on their shifts to be bright eyed and bushy tailed for the 2nd jobs.

libra31 · August 2011

I agree it doesn't sound like you can afford to stay home. But if you keep working maybe you can afford things to make life easier on you... a part-time nanny, house cleaner ect. Can DH take over some of the housework (grocery shopping and bill paying) since he has more time off. Would he ever consider being the one to stay home full time? You may not hate your job AS much if you don't feel like you have the weight of an entire 2nd job waiting at home for you.

MrsBalletStar05 · August 2011

While I agree with the others that it doesn't SOUND like you can afford it.....keep looking and working on it. Look for ways to cut back. Is it just your school, do you think? Would you be happier at a different school? I don't want to sound like a depressing debbie downer telling you this is something you absolutely CAN'T do. I'm sure you can if you really want to, but it will just take some work. I've been advised "no" a lot on the bump for a million things, and yet always found a way around!

lucisparents · August 2011

I couldn't afford to SAHM either. So I decided to do what my mom did, which was watch children for a living. Of course the number of children you have will cut into your possible profits, but you'll no longer pay for childcare. I also don't commute to work, so that's a huge savings in gas. And because I'm licensed I get reimbursed (a flat rate) for all my groceries, and this covers the cost of my family's groceries with $200/mo left over.

On the down side, it's difficult to take off work to see the doctor. And I really don't get a break, I can eat and rest, but I can't leave...ever. But all in all I really enjoy what I do and it's been a good decision for our family.

This is the plan for us while our children are young, and when they grow older and go to school I can continue or find something else to do.

shelbym · August 2011

The other thing you could look into for work (although probably not well paying either) is environmental or museum education in your area. I used to be an education manager for a farm and we hired teaching professionals to lead school programs and after school programs on a part time basis. The schools in that county also hired people to run after school programs for the district.

Carol*Brady2 · August 2011

I made more $$ than DH when I quit to SAH & neither of us made much money & we had virtually none saved. But we were in a different position than you...cheap house we eventually sold for 2.5 times what we paid...which gave us a leg up. I SAH for almost 7yrs & just went back to work P/T in June (I had 3 kids). For us it was a leap of faith but we have a fantastic & generous support system/family--so it wasn't really all that risky. I will say with in 4yrs of my quitting my DH had doubled his salary (got licensed in our profession, switched jobs) so basically we just scrimped for a few years--it ended up working out for us. I hope you figure out a way to make it work if you really want it to (sounds like you do). Good luck!

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Q from a lurker: did any of you make more $$ than DH before you were a SAHM?

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