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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
ENev
member
Most traumatic experience of my life
ENev
member
I have to share this because the only people I can really tell are DH and my mom ... I don't want to subject even my best friends to such details. If someone described any of this to me before I'd experienced it, I don't even know what I would have thought. Probably that I did not ever, ever want to know that. This whole experience has opened my eyes to something I never had a clue about. But I know you all understand.
I've been bleeding for 16 days. Heavy bleeding, passing clots and having cramps for 11 of them. Yesterday and today, it tapered off, I felt great, I thought it was finally over. I hadn't passed the sac, but I thought since it was a missed m/c, perhaps it got broken up or something, I don't know.
Decided to go the gym with DH tonight for the first time in three weeks. On the way there, started having the most intense pain yet, just out of the blue. Didn't want to turn around, though, so I decided to just walk on the treadmill. I walked at 2 mph while holding my stomach, in pure agony, and then ... I felt something pass.
I went into the locker room and into the bathroom ... and it was the sac. I couldn't believe my eyes, I didn't even know til a few days ago that that's what actually happened to people.
I was just bawling in the stall. I rolled the pad up and put it in my purse. Put on a new pad. Came home, crying, with DH driving. Stepped out of the car and felt another whoosh. When I got inside, there was just ... so much there, it was horrific. I was bleeding everywhere.
I called urgent care and then my doc, I really thought something was wrong. But she assured me that this was normal and to call her in the morning to schedule a follow-up. I just thought since I'd been bleeding for 16 days, that was it. But to think it was all leading up to this, the MOST traumatic hour of my life up to this point. I can't believe so many women go through this.
I ... looked at it ... in order to put it in a box and keep it to take to the doc, which she told me to do. I wish I hadn't. At the angle it was at, it looked just so real. That image is burned into my brain forever, I will never be the same. I thought this was almost over, and now I'm back to day one, emotionally. It makes it so much more real.
I'm sorry this is so, so TMI. But I had to share, I'm just so shaken up. I can't believe you've all been through this, too; many of you more than once, or at a later stage .... It's so unfair. SO unfair. 
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Re: Most traumatic experience of my life
It's more just sharing my shock, sharing the horror of this situation that is unfortunately too common. I feel like, even though I've been going through this for two weeks now, tonight I finally learned what you have all been through. What so many women go through. And I'm just beyond horrified by it.
I am just so sorry you had to go through this. I hope at least there is comfort in knowing the worst of the physical has past.
Please take care, I will pray for you and your DH.
It sucks that we have all been through such agony! My poor DH saw the sac pass because it happened when I went to the Dr.'s office (instead of going to the ER) the day the bleeding started. My Dr. started giving me a physical exam when he told me that I had a "clot" in my cervix that was creating the cramps and the pain. The Dr. told me he had to go in and remove it, but when he did he pulled out the sac, the DH was sitting right there and saw it all! Thank God he is a firefighter/paramedic because he didn't pass out. I am thankful that I didn't have to see the sac because I wouldn't want that image in my mind; I am sorry that you have to have this image with you forever. However, when you have a healthy baby in the future I think the image of the one you lost will slowly dissipate. I will be thinking of you.
Love.
ENev, I know you are not looking for sympathy but I want you to know how sorry I am that you had to experience that. I was not brave enough to do a natural miscarriage or miso. b/c I feared what you have described. I told my OB when we found out about the m/c that I couldn't handle seeing my baby like that. I was suppose to be 8 wks 3days on Oct 31st but embryo only developed to 6wks 2days. Our situations are very similar in that respect.
Again my thoughts are with you and I hope tomorrow is easier for you.
Oh, honey. I am so sorry for that experience. That's how I felt when I passed the placenta, and it fell into my hand. I just sat there for the longest time, holding it. And that wasn't the sac or embryo, it was just the placenta.
Just be gentle with yourself. I'm so sorry things happened this way for you.
Gabriel Ross - August 24, 2009 * Vivienne Rose - May 1, 2012
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