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Do you ever wonder what motivates people to say the things they do? (vent)

MButcher1003MButcher1003
in TTC After a Loss

I was having a pretty good day... then I get a text from my best friend. She asked me for medical advice. I thought that was weird, but I'm a pretty hardcore hypochondriac so I played along. She starts rattling off her symptoms - nausea, cramps, headache, and bloated. she's "STARVING", but can't stomach anything... Pretty sure she was trying to get me to tell her I think she's pregnant. Instead I told her I think she has IBS.

She has done this twice since my mc. The first time, she called me while she was taking a HPT! WTF? The week of my mc I visit her new apartment and she shows me baby clothes she bought for her coworkers baby girl and she was texting me from a baby shower last weekend :( Why is she doing this to me? She's always been amazing. We just went out shopping this week and we had a great time. H wants me to tell her to knock it off. It hurts him to hear this stuff, too. 

She never mentioned wanting to be pg before I got my BFP in May. She has PCOS and gets her period maybe once or twice a year. This has been the case since I've known her. Now all of a sudden, she went to her doctor for progesterone to help her regulate her cycles. She wanted to be married and have a house before she had kids... She's not even engaged yet. So, why? Why is she doing this now? I have expressed how hard I have been taking this recently and when we talk about it, she seems to understand and be sympathetic. Ugh. I'm so frustrated and hurt. I don't want to be mad. She's usually amazing. Now I don't even want to pick up the phone when she calls.

I'm just so tired of being sad all the time.  

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Re: Do you ever wonder what motivates people to say the things they do? (vent)

  • psychmajormompsychmajormom member
    ((((hugs))) It does get super frustrating at times! I hope she gets the picture soon that you don't want to talk about her "symptoms" more big ((((hugs)))
    (USE TO BE, WISH2BEMOMMY). 1st BFP ever Aug. 16, 2010.... 1st OB appt. Sept. 8, 2010, u/s showed poss. blighted ovum.... b/w 9/8/10 22,698 b/w 9/10/10 14,521.... mmc confirmed, started naturally m/c 9/15/10, d & c 9/16/10 I love you my precious monkey!! 2nd BFP March 2011.... c/p, miss you lil one!! 3rd BFP Nov. 20, 2011, subcornial hemorrhage detected 11/24/11 heartbeat found.... LO's heartbeat lost 11/25/11.... d & c 11/26/11..... I love and miss you so much baby!!!! C/P 4/26/12.... gone before I knew you.... off BCP 10-1-13.. BFP 11-20-13.. SCH for 7 weeks.. 3-4-14: It's a Girl!.. 4-22-12 emergency cerclage placed..7-7-14 cerclage removed at 36w.. delivered Lillian Marie 7-28-14..
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  • PachitaPachita member

    I'm so sorry about that. Why don't you ask her point blank if she's trying to get PG?  Or ask what her plans are because it seems to me that she's in baby mode.  But you do say that she is a great friend so hopefully you and her can talk about this and tell her honestly how you feel about her constant baby talk. She'll understand if she's truly your friend. 

     

     

     

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  • jakdwjakdw
    imagePachita:

    I'm so sorry about that. Why don't you ask her point blank if she's trying to get PG?  Or ask what her plans are because it seems to me that she's in baby mode.  But you do say that she is a great friend so hopefully you and her can talk about this and tell her honestly how you feel about her constant baby talk. She'll understand if she's truly your friend. 

     

     

     

    I agree!  I have a friend that flaunts her baby.  She claims to have been through 5 of them, then SHE would understand why this hurts me.  Anyway..good luck with your friend and I hope she catches the drift((HUGS))
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  • historygirl1863historygirl1863 member
    Im so sorry youre going through this. I just wanted to send you a big Big Smile and (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))). I hope you feel better.
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  • prestonsmommaprestonsmomma
    I think its rude, inconsiderate and uncalled for. Seems like shes rubbing it in your face. Some people enjoy hurting other people. Im sorry!
    Preston Cash my angel born sleeping @34 weeks 5-16-09
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  • MButcher1003MButcher1003
    imagePachita:

    I'm so sorry about that. Why don't you ask her point blank if she's trying to get PG?  Or ask what her plans are because it seems to me that she's in baby mode.  But you do say that she is a great friend so hopefully you and her can talk about this and tell her honestly how you feel about her constant baby talk. She'll understand if she's truly your friend. 

     

    I asked her the first time if she was trying... She said absolutely not and she would be upset if she was pg. She wanted to be married and have a house first. Financially, they are in no shape to be TTC (This is not my opinion, but her words. I do agree though)

    If she was TTC, I would be very happy for her. H feels like she may have gotten a little jealous when I got my BFP and maybe this is motivation behind her recent behavior? I have no idea, but she clearly does NOT need to be jealous anymore. I certainly didn't rub my pg in her face. We barely talked about it bc I was worried I was going to mc.

    I have told her multiple times how I feel about baby talk... I can't stand to bring it up anymore bc I am emotional. This is the first time in our friendship she has made me angry/sad/uncomfortable. I just don't understand this at all.

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  • MButcher1003MButcher1003
    imagejakdw:
    imagePachita:

    I'm so sorry about that. Why don't you ask her point blank if she's trying to get PG?  Or ask what her plans are because it seems to me that she's in baby mode.  But you do say that she is a great friend so hopefully you and her can talk about this and tell her honestly how you feel about her constant baby talk. She'll understand if she's truly your friend. 

     

     

     

    I agree!  I have a friend that flaunts her baby.  She claims to have been through 5 of them, then SHE would understand why this hurts me.  Anyway..good luck with your friend and I hope she catches the drift((HUGS))

     

    Thank you and I'm sorry your friend flaunts her baby ((hugs)) 

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  • pb127pb127 member

    ((hugs)) she is being really insensitive, i'm so sorry you're dealing with this. 

    i LOVE that you told her that she has IBS... you should keep that up. tell her she probably has gonorrhea, ebola, herpes, anthrax, the plague, swine flu, rabies, mange, etc. hopefully she'll get the hint (sooner rather than later)!!

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  • tdmd09tdmd09 member
    imageMButcher1003:
    imagePachita:

    I'm so sorry about that. Why don't you ask her point blank if she's trying to get PG?  Or ask what her plans are because it seems to me that she's in baby mode.  But you do say that she is a great friend so hopefully you and her can talk about this and tell her honestly how you feel about her constant baby talk. She'll understand if she's truly your friend. 

     

    I asked her the first time if she was trying... She said absolutely not and she would be upset if she was pg. She wanted to be married and have a house first. Financially, they are in no shape to be TTC (This is not my opinion, but her words. I do agree though)

    If she was TTC, I would be very happy for her. H feels like she may have gotten a little jealous when I got my BFP and maybe this is motivation behind her recent behavior? I have no idea, but she clearly does NOT need to be jealous anymore. I certainly didn't rub my pg in her face. We barely talked about it bc I was worried I was going to mc.

    I have told her multiple times how I feel about baby talk... I can't stand to bring it up anymore bc I am emotional. This is the first time in our friendship she has made me angry/sad/uncomfortable. I just don't understand this at all.

    Maybe you should write her a letter or something and explain yourself that way. You won't have to worry about getting emotional, and maybe if she has a chance to sit and read (and re-read) your concerns and how hurtful those comments are to you and your husband, maybe she'll understand better. Tell her how worried you are that this might damage your friendship, and that this is a really sensitive subject for you. 

    I hope you two can work something out -- it would be a shame to lose your friend over this, but I know those comments would hurt me too. 

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  • LilMaggsLilMaggs member
    *huge hugs*
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  • queens27queens27
    I am so sorry this is happening ((((hugs))) sometimes people really do not even think and are so self centered! 
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  • chusumchusum member

    I don't know her but it seems like all she wants is some attention.

    Explain to her that what she is doing hurts your feelings & how it hurts you. If she doesn't get the drift move on.


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    Married August 9, 2008
    TTC Since September 2009

    1st   BFP | EDD 10/23/10 | Natural M/C 03/27/10 | 10w 0d
    2nd BFP 06/26/10 | EDD 02/25/11 | Natural  M/C 07/17/10 | 8w 1d
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    6th  BFP 08/11/12 | EDD 04/11/13 | CP
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  • jantymejantyme member
    imagepb127:

    ((hugs)) she is being really insensitive, i'm so sorry you're dealing with this. 

    i LOVE that you told her that she has IBS... you should keep that up. tell her she probably has gonorrhea, ebola, herpes, anthrax, the plague, swine flu, rabies, mange, etc. hopefully she'll get the hint (sooner rather than later)!!

    I agree

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