Prenatal classes when you're pregnant and single -ugh!

Ariana2O11 · August 2011

I'm trying to have a positive outlook on everything, but please bear with me because this is one thing I'm having a difficult time with. Although I'm learning a lot in my prenatal classes (infant cpr, breastfeeding), I dread taking them by myself. It's really uncomfortable when I see all the involved dads in the class and when the instructor talks about the role of dads. I'm seriously considering skipping the childbirth classes for this reason. I can take my sister, but it's not always easy to ask her.

I know there really isn't a solution, but I just wanted an outlet to vent. Thank you.

ETA: Ops, I think this belonged in the FFFC post below. Sorry, I'm new at this.

septmom11 · August 2011

You are braver than I am. I probably could benefit from these classes but the fear and anxiety i felt about going alone won. So good for you for actually going!!!!!!

achase123 · August 2011

Take the class with someone else who you plan on having in the room. I went with my BFF. XH (who was STBXH at the time) went a few times but he couldn't be counted on.

I didn't notice a TON of dads in the class. There were some women who were there alone and some that with a friend or their mother. Try not to let it get to you. You will find the information useful when you go into labor, I promise!

Ariana2O11 · August 2011

Thank you, but I may just not go to this childbirth class. It's sad because I'm a FTM and I know I'll learn a lot about breathing methods and delivery but I just can't do a five session class like this. I hate MH (we're separated, but not divorced yet) for this.

mdotm0904 · August 2011

I still think you should go. There's plenty of things/times where you'll see "involved dads" & you'll get sad as a FTM/Single Mom thinking about how you don't have that. Trust me, just going on the hospital tour I felt a certain way seeing some of the other dads there holding their wives hands. But I wasn't alone. I had a really good friend with me. I didn't take a childbirth class (not because I was afraid of being one of the only single ones there) but for financial reasons, and I think if you have the opportunity to go, just go. Like Achase said, whoever is gonna be your support person at birth, take them with you. But i don't think you should skip out all together

turtle1120 · August 2011

I went with my mom, who was with me when I had DD. Yeah, it was rough and sad because the other expectant mommies were there with the hubbies and significant others, but I'm really glad I went. I think I was a little more at ease knowing what to expect and I learned a lot.

ShanJosh777 · August 2011

I decided kind of last minute to take a childbirth class and my H couldn't go because he couldn't take off work or something. I went with my mom because I was planning on having her in the delivery room too. It was a little awkward because I was the only person without the father there, but I am really glad I took it, I got a lot of information. Maybe my perspective was a little different, because I wasn't technically single at that time, but I still knew my H was an assshole.

Ariana2O11 · August 2011

Thanks guys, but my mom isn't local (she'll be here for the delivery) and I just moved back to my hometown (after H and I separated), so i don't really know anyone well enough to ask, other than my sister and she and I aren't exactly bffs. I know it's a valuable class. I guess I'll wait for a good time and ask her. idk.

LJF1218 · August 2011

I'm going to kind of disagree with everyone. If you really want to go I wouldn't discourage you, but honestly you can get most of the information you're looking for from a book or online. I think classes are one of those things people feel like they are "supposed" to do, but after talking to my doctor he said it wasn't really necessary unless I wanted to.

I was in the same boat (pregnant without a partner), though I did have my sister, mother, friends, an aunt who would have all loved to accompany me. But honestly I was very depressed and angry at my son's biolgical father during my pregnancy and I think I would have been more stressed and sad seeing all those dads. I can and do have to face it in many situations, but being in a class watching fathers happily involved was optional and I didn't see the need to put myself through that. Especially when I could get all the information elsewhere.

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

achase123 · August 2011

Ariana2O11:
Thanks guys, but my mom isn't local (she'll be here for the delivery) and I just moved back to my hometown (after H and I separated), so i don't really know anyone well enough to ask, other than my sister and she and I aren't exactly bffs. I know it's a valuable class. I guess I'll wait for a good time and ask her. idk.

Honestly, no one else there will probably think twice about you being there with someone else. I know a few married people who's spouse couldn't handle being in the room and they went to the birthing classes with their coach or mother or friend.

Don't let your insecurities get in the way of this important class. It's very important to get these tools. Believe me, there will be lots of instances where you do feel different than other "traditional" families but that's simply the nature of it all. You have to get past this hang-up and do the best thing for your child-even before LO is born.

Ariana2O11 · August 2011

achase123:
You have to get past this hang-up and do the best thing for your child-even before LO is born.

Thanks for all of the encouragement. I'll work on getting over the insecurity part and just try my best to make myself go. It's a five session childbirth class and I will work on just sucking it up and go.

I've taken all the other classes (infant cpr/breastfeeding) and this would be the last one (thank goodness).

Sweet face 82 · August 2011

Don't give up yet! Being a single mom is scary, and being in situations that lend themselves to couples is very difficult. There is so much that you can take away from a class like this, where you can learn how your body is going to help guide your baby into the world. It's a time for you and your baby to learn to do this part together. At least, whoever you bring with you, you know WANTS to be there with you and loves YOU. For what it's worth, my STBXH was difficult the entire time we went to class (and thought it was time to inform me he fantasized about other women we know on our way to one). Your experience will be free of anyone who can't be there entirely for you. **Hugs** and I hope I was able to help a little bit.

Ariana2O11 · August 2011

LJF1218:
. But honestly I was very depressed and angry at my son's biolgical father during my pregnancy and I think I would have been more stressed and sad seeing all those dads.

This is how I've felt after the prenatal classes I've taken so far. I felt very sad and depressed and alone during my drive back home. It's just hitting me now that I will be suddenly divorced in a few months and a single parent. I would have never predicted this a few months ago.

LJF1218 · August 2011

Ariana2O11:

LJF1218:
. But honestly I was very depressed and angry at my son's biolgical father during my pregnancy and I think I would have been more stressed and sad seeing all those dads.

This is how I've felt after the prenatal classes I've taken so far. I felt very sad and depressed and alone during my drive back home. It's just hitting me now that I will be suddenly divorced in a few months and a single parent. I would have never predicted this a few months ago.

None of us expects this is the board we'd end up on. I personally found myself dwelling on it more when I was pregnant than I do now. It's easy to get down when you are doing all the exciting preparations and your child's father is not in the picture. It's not how girl imagines having her first baby to be.

It will be hard after your child arrives, too. It's more work than anyone can ever truly describe and it's easy to get resentful then, too. But you have much less time and energy to focus on feelings about your X once LO arrives. It's not that you'll be all consumed with love and rainbows appear, but nearly all of your emotional energy will be expended on your child. All of your physical energy, too, even more so than while you are pregnant.

I guess I'm just trying to tell you it does get better. You will of course still be sad when your child does something amazing and you wish you had a partner to share that with. Or you see fathers out with their children. But it'll be a brief moment of sadness and then you'll be back to focusing on being Mom. Hang in there!

Ariana2O11 · August 2011

LJF1218:

I personally found myself dwelling on it more when I was pregnant than I do now. It's easy to get down when you are doing all the exciting preparations and your child's father is not in the picture. It's not how girl imagines having her first baby to be.

Hang in there!

Thank you. I'm grateful for coming across the smart, strong, wonderful women on this board. *warm hugs*

lilhotcandie69 · August 2011

Have a good friend come with you or your mom.

LJF1218 · August 2011

lilhotcandie69:
Have a good friend come with you or your mom.

Did you even read the whole post? OP said:

"Thanks guys, but my mom isn't local (she'll be here for the delivery) and I just moved back to my hometown (after H and I separated), so i don't really know anyone well enough to ask, other than my sister and she and I aren't exactly bffs. I know it's a valuable class. I guess I'll wait for a good time and ask her."

Angiesmommy · August 2011

I went to every single class by myself when I was pregnant. I did read books and get info online and talked to my mom and tried to get as much info about labor and delivery as I could from various sources. I say go. You can never have too much information. ESPECIALLY about labor/delivery, where so much can happen.

I know it sucks. Like I said, I went alone to everything...Infant/child CPR, breastfeeding, newborn care and labor classes... but the more info you have, the better.

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Prenatal classes when you're pregnant and single -ugh!

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