Feeling defeated (vent/rant)

ladipale · August 2011

I'm seriously so down today. I am NOT healing well from carrying a big(ish) baby and having a C-Section. After dealing with some pain while walking, doing yoga, and then when I tried running last week, I finally broke down and went back to my OB.

Luckily, its nothing too serious, just a mix of pubic bone separation and some diastasis recti and the c/s recovery. She thinks I probably also tore a muscle someplace shortly after getting home and just keep re-injuring it.

But she says I should wear a girdle for more support. I just feel like I'm 90, not 30. I used to be able to run half marathons, now I can't walk 3 miles without being in pain for a few days. And I have a stomach pooch that makes me still look pregnant.

I really just want my old body back, and my old confidence in how I looked. How can I lose weight if I can't exercise how I like/want? I already eat fairly healthy.

I'm just sick of the constant reminder of the C-Section.

/rant

kfishie · August 2011

Hugs L! What you described your body in the process of recovering from sounds like a lot to handle! I hope a support belt offers you some relief as I know how much you want to get back to your active ways! Thinking of you!

MsPurple24 · August 2011

You will bounce back from this! Yes, it's taking longer than expected and longer than you'd like, and that's a result of a birth situation that was not your ideal. But once the pain goes away (and it will), you'll be able to start exercising again and your body will become yours again. It's still in recovery and the priority right now is managing the pain until you've completely healed.

Sorry if I sound preachy- I'm trying to be supportive and the right words aren't coming out. You'll get there! I know it.

ladipale · August 2011

Thanks ladies. I don't deal well with injuries/setbacks. I just had an original goal of running my first marathon this december, and I already changed that to just running a 10k on thanksgiving and I don't even know if I'll get there.

(and since you are both runners who have dealt with injuries, I appreciate your support! M - you do not sound preachy)

mommy2jay · August 2011

(((hugs))) I had a terrible time recovering from my c-section, and hated the long lasting reminders afterwards.

it will pass and you will feel better and somewhat normal soon, in the meantime, dont be too hard on yourself (i know easier said than done)... big hugs

futrkingsley · August 2011

I'm not a runner so I can't speak to how long it should/can take to get that back. But I can say that it took your body 9 months to make the baby and it can take that long to get it to some semblence of normal (albeit with some things in slightly different places). It's a long process and even if you wanted to rush it, there's a good chunk of the recovery that you have absolutely no control over. I hope you can make peace with it and cut yourself some slack.

AnyaBella · August 2011

Also not a runner, but I will say that it took me about 9 months to start to feel even remotely normal after having G and I didn't even have to recover from half the stuff you are dealing with. I think a lot people don't realize what a toll pregnancy can take on you both physically and emotionally. I remember right after I had G someone told me it got better at 3 months, so I held on to that. When G was 3 months it wasn't better. I was physically exhausted and I just broke down because I thought I should be feeling like myself at that point. I think we really just need to be kind and gentle with ourselves. Remember that what you went through was a huge physical and emotional change and strain. Really, you underwent a major surgery, it can take a long time to really heal from everything you have gone through. I know that that's super frustrating, I definitely get that, but it will improve. Everyone heals at different rates too. So for me I started feeling better around 9 months PP but that doesn't means it's the same for every one else. All that to say, big, huge hugs!! Be gentle with yourself. You will feel better!

skirby · August 2011

Ahh, sorry, L. I have really been surprised by how hard this recovery has been with the c-section - albeit, I've only been at this a little while. So many women told me how "easy" their c-sections were. I just don't get it. When I feel good, my brain tells to go out and walk and get stuff done, only to realize my body will only let me walk about 150 feet or so...I feel pretty dang pathetic.

I hope it gets better for you soon! I completely understand your desire to be moving like your old self, and the frustration with feeling limited. Thanks for your honesty about recovery...so often women don't tell that side. Though it's hard, you have an absolutely adorable baby! So, if we're going to have surgery, at least we have something cute to show for it.

HUGS.

StefandTodd · August 2011

Big hugs, L. I'm so sorry that you're still in pain

maryh01 · August 2011

Ahh...I'm so sorry L. Mine just started hurting again too...not sure what happened, but it aches almost all the time when I settle down in the evening. I really dislike my body right now too :-(

pkw · August 2011

The absolute most trying thing is pain. I wish I couldn't say this, but I understand how insanely hard it is to be in pain and to stop doing things you love because of that pain. I understand how hard it is to want to have your body back and not be able to do anything about it because if you do you will make things worse.

While I do not understand you feelings surrounding your C/S I understand limits.

I am struggling with this so I am not gonna sit here and tell you that I have all the answers, I can just say this...

The best thing I have done for myself was turn my doctors visit into a counseling session. My poor surgeon was so not prepared for me to break to pieces in his office last month but he was a trooper and gave be some amazing suggestions on what exercises I CAN do and what things I NEED to do and how to find resources to work around my injury. Perhaps you can ask your doctor to spell it out for you, because I took for granted all of the things my body used to be able to do...and now relearning how to make my body work is a nightmare and a blessing.

I started yoga (which I realize you can't do just yet) and it has helped me to clear my mind and move my body in ways that benefit my recovery. Maybe if you could do some of the simple poses that won't hurt you, and use that as meditation time....I have found that the #1 benefit of yoga is learning how to clear my mind and just BE. My mantra when I do it is "I am worthy." I say it over and over and over in my head and I visualize all of the things I feel I am worthy of, love, health, happiness, etc. I use this as a way to zap my negativity about my body, about my injury, about my frustration over not functioning the way I used to...it makes me feel less hopeless when the shithitsthefan.

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this, it is not fair. Seriously, it is not fair. But things I have learned from my injury, surgery, and recovery, and now my decision to not pursue any more surgeries and just learn to accept the pain and limits as my life from now on....I have learned acceptance, and love for myself as I am, now this only is 60% of the time, the other 40% is me taking a run and crying my heart out because I am tired...tired of the pain, of the frustration, of the limits, of the complete crap. But I used to be more 20% OK and 80% not OK. So it gets better. I promise it gets better.

You are stronger than I am, so you are gonna get there faster than I will. You will get through this, you will beat this, you will be better. Allow yourself the freedom to heal and the freedom to accept that you have limits for right now but they will not always be there. You will recover. You will be 100%, you will be better. You are worthy.

SweetieP · August 2011

Just wanted to give you a hug and send some good vibes. I hope things start looking up soon.

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