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3rd Trimester
Overwhelmed by MIL
So DH and I moved in with his mom about 4 months ago because our lease was up on our apartment and it has helped us tremendously save for the baby. We have lived with MIL before and we have all gotten along just fine. Well, about a week after we moved back in with MIL, I lost my job, and DH "technically" only works part time. So our agreement was that he would pay a low rent since he has the income, and as my contribution to the house, I would cook and clean and provide food with my food stamps since becoming unemployed. But lately, I have become a little overwhelmed with everything and frankly I am starting to get PO'd.
MIL has started to take advantage of me. She has added on all of HER chores around the house to mine ( make her fiance's lunches for him, make the coffee everyday, throw her laundry in with mine, clean her bathtub while i'm "at it"..etc.) At first, I was ok with it, I feel a little obligated since I don't have to go to work everyday. But it is a little annoying that I have to do EVERYTHING around here now. I am starting to feel like the grown adults in this house are worse then my two step kids. But recently, three incidents have happened that are pushing me over the edge.
1) She started whining and DEMANDING that I do her nails for her every Thursday. Which at first was fun, but now it's another chore I "have to do" for her. She jokes that I am her "personal assistant" which was funny for the first five minutes, but it's not anymore.
2) I am almost 8 months pregnant, and all the bending, getting on my hands and knees to clean has started to cause contractions. So the other night, I asked MIL if once the baby is here, if we could go back to the old cleaning routine, where we all picked one room to clean and we all pitched in to clean the house. She looked at me like I was crazy, laughed at me, and said " I think a grown woman with a baby is perfectly able to clean this house." NO..I am a grown woman with 7 other people I have to be a constant maid to, two of them are toddlers and now add a newborn baby to the picture. I need a little damn help.
3) Last night, she started getting on my case that "she is the only one who has been taking the trash out lately and that needs to change". Excuse me, but aside from going to work, the trash is the ONLY thing you actually do around here. I do YOUR laundry, I clean OUR house, I cook and clean the dishes for EVERYONE, which nobody can seem to do their own, I do your nails and hair on the weekends when you are going out, I walk YOUR dog, I make YOUR coffee, I make sure YOUR man is set for work, on top of making sure everyone else is set for work/and in home schooling. I think a grown woman is perfectly able to take the trash out, ESPECIALLY since you have to walk right by it to walk your dog (the one time a day you do it.)
Am I being irrational??? I feel very frustrated and taken advantage of and I feel like I can't say anything to anyone because I don't work. Now, don't get me wrong, I do agree that I need to take care of the little things since I don't work anymore, but I feel the line is being crossed. Am I wrong?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Overwhelmed by MIL
Honestly, I think you're both being a little irrational in this situation.
Your MIL should not expect you to act as her "personal assistant" however has a right to expect more of a contribution on your part. Things I don't agree with her demanding: making work lunches, making her SO coffee, giving her manicures, styling her hair, cooking all of the meals, cleaning all of the dishes, etc. However, I don't think it's out of line for her to expect you to pick up a bit more housework.
She has pretty much given you a roof over your head and is feeding you & DH (I don't know how food stamps work or how much you get) for pretty well nothing (from what I understand). You have to remember, this is actually her house and is generously sharing it with you.
I think it would be a good idea to have a good sit down with your MIL as well as the others in the house. Make it clear how much you appreciate everything she is doing for you but that you feel taken advantage of. Lines need to be drawn. I 100% believe that you should pick up more of the housework, but I also believe that some things should be shared on a rotation (cooking, dishes, laundry, trash).
GL.
I know this is going to sound harsh, but honestly, beggars can't be choosers. As the PP stated, it is a roof over your head and if it is the only one you have right now, you have to do what you have to do.
If your husband is only working part time, why is he not helping?
Oscar born October 2011
Miscarriage at 8 weeks (August 2013)
DD due September 1, 2014
Can you husband get another part time job ? Could you sell some of your stuff? Could you get another job once you have the baby even if it is only part time? I guess I just don't see an end to this unless you guys find a way to get ahead.
How long did you guys live with her before ? Did you overstay? Perhaps she is making it intolerable for you guys to live there so that you will be more motivated to get your own place.
Yes you can certainly say something to her about how you feel but it will probably fall on deaf ears. In the end it is her house so it is her rules.
this made me angry just reading this thinking how i'd feel.
I mean if that were me i'd be helping out around the house and what not. But ultimately you're the ONLY ONE basically doing everything she has no right to get on your case about the trash when you're doing all of her stuff for her already. I would talk to DH and tell him that you're fed up with that. Because honestly thats not right.
First you should talk to DH about helping you.
Second... Your MIL wants you out of her house. She is going to make it difficult for the both of you because she probably upset with the situation herself. I know this because at the moment I am in your MIL shoes.
I have a good friend that is living in our house rent free because she lost her job and apartment. I love her dearly but if she's not paying her fair share than she's gotta work it off. I don't budge on the situation because I don't want her to get to comfortable.
Um....I can't believe you are letting her treat you like this. First. Second, I see the obligation cause she's letting you live there, but she is obviously taking advantage of that "feeling of obligation" and going full on with it. You need to go back to what you guys agreed to, and be done with it.
That, or you guys need to move the hell on out!
I would sit down with DH and have him talk to her. Yes she is putting a roof over your head but she is asking way to much of you IMHO.
You are 8 months pregnant and while you are still capable of many things you do need to keep you and LO in mind.
Her fiance is a grown man and is capable of making his own lunch, she is also capable of doing her own laundry. It is one thing to ask you to do 1 or 2 items she may have missed when doing your laundry but to expect you to do hers is wrong. No reason why everyone can't help out with dishes and trash.
What would she do if you had complications and were on bedrest? I would seriously be looking for a new place and job after LO is born. I can imagine it won't get any better after the baby is here and she may expect more and you will have your plate full as it is.
Pregnancy # 6
4 missed chances
2 loving children
1 on the way
I agree that it's her MILs house so it's her MILs rules, but demanding that she do her hair and nails is a little ridiculous.
Your DH definitely needs to pick up another PT job or find a FT one so that you guys can move out.
I disagree with most other people. What I mainly disagree with is the fact that you are doing EVERYTHING and most of all that she demands that you do her hair and nails. uhm, no. You are not her slave. That is disgusting to me, the way she is treating you. You are not being paid for your services. I understand the cooking and cleaning but I don't understand how she says it is all your responsibilities. And the making lunch for her hubby. Another Heck no. I'd be putting my foot down. I have my own hubby and child to take care of. If your hubby can't make himself lunch and you don't want to make it for him.. I guess he'll starve. that's what Id say anyway.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. If I were you, I'd be moving out ASAP.
I would run the numbers if it were me. I would find out what it really costs her to house the two of you, what kind of rent she might get for your room if someone else were living there, and what you would be getting paid if you were doing this work for a stranger. If her son is contributing cash, and you are contributing groceries AND working for her x hours a day, chances are you're paying more than your fair share.
If you're working beyond your fair share, you need to have a talk with her and tell her you feel like she's taking advantage of you. If you're really desperate, she unfortunately has the room to ignore your feelings, but you should let her know that she's doing so to the detriment of your relationship.
not for nothing but i am SAHM and my husband works a full time job and a side job and he STILL helps me around the house. just because you aren't working doesn't mean that you are the house slave regardless if it is your MIL's house.
everyone in this entire situation needs to grow up and act like adults including you and your DH. if you don't like your situation then change it. it is that simple.
This. I agree that you should help out around the house, but not to the extent that you are. I hope you and your DH can get this resolved or get out of their soon. IMO your MIL sounds like a lazy, selfish witch, who is taking advantage of you. I hope things get better for you.
This. This is what you are dealing with. I had to deal with live-in house guests for a month (MIL and FIL) and DH's uncle for 4 days a week over a period of 6 months with my first pregnancy. It was hell, to not have your own personal space, and these people didn't have kids to bring along with them.
Imagine if you loved living there... why would you ever leave? Cheap rent, and all you have to do is take care of a house the same way you would take care of your own? Methinks this is why she is adding in other little things... she wants her house, and her life, back.