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Making the Announcement

danif06danif06 member
in New to The Bump

I have been married 8 months and am not pregnant, however my husband and I have discussed when we'd like to start trying and do have a plan in place.

However I have this huge fear-- making the annoucement that when we are finally pregnant to my mother. My husband and I are very excited to one day start a family and can't wait to tell everyone our news (when we have news), but I worry how my mother will react.

I am in my late 20s and have been with my husband for years. My family is very accepting of my husband and love him very much. The thing is everytime I've ever felt sick to my stomach and I either told my mother or she found out, she always says, "I hope you're not pregnant". When I had the stomach flu, it was like her world came crashing down. This started when I was a teenager. I never understood why she would say that to me considering I was never in any trouble, I was always an honor student and half the time I never had a boyfriend. She wasn't a young mother, so there was never the "I hope my child doesn't make the same decisions I did".

To this day, she continues to say "I hope you're not pregnant" and I need some help at figuring out how I would ever tell her that I am pregnant.

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Re: Making the Announcement

  • Dr.LorettaDr.Loretta member

    Have you ever asked her why she says that to you? That's where I'd start. Maybe there's a story there, maybe there's not. For all you know she had a traumatic sexual event in her teen years, placed a child for adoption, had something similar happen to a relative, feels she's WAY too young to be a grandmother, had a horrible grandmother and doesn't want to be her, or a host of other things. Or maybe she's just weird.

    In any case, you can say to her NOW, "Mom, DH and I have been married for almost a year now and at some point we'll think about starting a family. I hope you'll be happy for me when the time comes."

    Then you just tell her when you're pregnant. She's going to have to find out, and coming from you is the best way. How she reacts is not your problem. How you handle her reaction is. Just remain positive and hope that she comes around.

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  • danif06danif06 member

    Thanks Dr. Loretta!

    The odd thing is that there is no back story. My father and her struggled to have a child for years, even having a micarriage, nearly carrying the child to full-term. After 5+ years they accepted that children just wouldn't be in the future, until I came along completely unexpectedly. My parents were financially prepared and never struggled because I was unplanned. They to this day tell everyone their "miracle" story and how I was the best thing to happen to them-- blah blah. With that being siad, it makes me wonder why she would say "I hope you're not pregnant" when all she ever wanted was a baby for so long; wouldn't she want my husband and I to be happy.  

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  • Dr.LorettaDr.Loretta member
    imagedanif06:

    The odd thing is that there is no back story. My father and her struggled to have a child for years, even having a micarriage, nearly carrying the child to full-term. After 5+ years they accepted that children just wouldn't be in the future, until I came along completely unexpectedly. My parents were financially prepared and never struggled because I was unplanned. They to this day tell everyone their "miracle" story and how I was the best thing to happen to them-- blah blah. With that being siad, it makes me wonder why she would say "I hope you're not pregnant" when all she ever wanted was a baby for so long; wouldn't she want my husband and I to be happy.  

    I hate to break it to you, but there IS a backstory. Your mom miscarried almost full-term. That is an amazingly traumatic event and probably has colored her attitudes about pregnancy and childbirth ever since. She may be worried that you will follow in her footsteps and have a stillborn child. I know that my SIL's mom had a child with anencephaly (no significant brain development) and was terrified her daughter would have a similar issue.

    So yeah, I can see her reasoning for worrying about you being pregnant.

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