Looking for some BFing hope

MrsCaddyshack · August 2011

Last night my husband and I went to our first class at the hospital where we?ll be delivering? the subject was breastfeeding. When I left, I was in full on panic mode. I think that I?ve been in BFing denial. I *know* that breast is best. I fully intend to try to breastfeed for the suggested 6-12 months. However? I?m terrified of it. I?m so concerned that the process of BFing will make me feel more like a cow than a human. The photos they showed left me fidgeting in my seat. I?m worried that when it comes down to it, I will be too wound up and freaked out to successfully BF.

I want to do what?s best for my baby. But I?m really, really worried that I am setting myself up for failure by having this mindset.

Is anyone out there feeling the same way? Or? hopefully, any 2^nd time moms that felt that way and then ended up loving breastfeeding?

Andrea Cohoon · August 2011

This is my first child, so I don't have experience with how "it will work." I am also terrified of starting the process -- I worry about whether or not baby will be getting enough to eat, if he/she will latch okay, how it will make me feel, etc.

My stance is this: Keep an open mind, stay focused, try my best and focus on the good I am doing (hopefully successfully) for baby.

Try not to panic too much.

smilelari · August 2011

My advice is to commit to it for some period of time that is long enough to kind of get in a groove and see how you feel about it, but not so long that it seems overwhelming. 2 weeks would probably be good. (If you only commit to a couple days you will never know whether it was really for you, all you'll know is that you didn't really give it a chance.) When you get to the end of those 2 weeks, reassess. Maybe commit to another 2 weeks, or decide that it really is for you and go for it full steam ahead.

Breast feeding really is kind of a foreign concept. It happens behind closed doors for a lot of us. I think a lot of people are apprehensive at first.

Sporkmoostipe · August 2011

I was very weirded out by the idea of breast feeding before I was pregnant. No one I have ever met, no one in my family breast fed. My MIL is very pro-breast feeding and I started talking to her about it....she was in the same situation as me, no one has ever done it that she knew, and she taught herself (along with some classes and some really helpful nurses) how to breast fed two children.

I do still have some concerns about it. I'm an extremely modest person and the idea of being "exposed to feed" has me a little creeped. I want to try though. I' glad to see i'm not the only one worried about being more cow than mom.

MrsCaddyshack · August 2011

Thanks for the advice... I really appreciate it. And I like the idea of committing to a period of time to get used to the idea.

HollyBerry25 · August 2011

I feel the same way. I actually dreamed last night that I had DS and we were at home. He was sleeping and in my dream I thought, oops, he's been asleep a long time (as if!) and he needs to eat. I remember dreaming at first he was squirmy and would not latch on and I was freaking out. Then later on he nursed fine and I remember thinking, wow, my boobs work! I have this weird fear that I will have no milk, no colostrum, nothing. Dumb I know, I just can't imagine that everything will just work out! I smiled at your comment about feeling like a cow, because I feel that way to!

littlekeller · August 2011

I am a FTM and I have felt the same way at times. We have our BF class next week. I know it is going to be a lot of work to start with, and my Mom and Dad say I won't be able to do it, but it will be too much work. Well, I like to prove my parents wrong, so that is my goal.

I have done a lot of reading on the BF board here and it has helped calm my fears. There are a lot of posts about issues like low supply, but people tell you how they survived it. I know it is not for everyone, but I am hoping and praying it is for me.

I agree with the PP to try it for a set amount of time and then re-evaluate. From what I have read it can take 4 to 6 weeks to really regulate, so if things are going ok at the 2 weeks, they should get better from there.

jnealet · August 2011

The best thing to do is go in with an open mind. I bf'ed for a year with DD and thinking about doing it again weirds me out for some reason. But I know that I can do it and will do my hardest to make it another year.

Sarahbear621 · August 2011

This is #2 for me. With #1 I just couldn't do it. He didn't latch...he would sit and cry and I felt like everyone kept pushing me to get him to latch. It just stressed me out more as I would sit there and try and try and try. After a week I completely gave up and with the support of DH, I started to exclusivly pump milk. DS took a bottle right away. DH liked it because they he could help with feedings. We also knew *exactly* how much DS was drinking per day. Pumping was a bit of a pain at first, but then I really started to look forward to it. When I pumped DH would either take the baby and I would read, watch tv or fold laundry (i made a hands free pumping sports bra) or I would pump when DS slept.

Downside is you now have bottle parts and pumping parts to wash, but ultimately it worked for us. I just wanted to bring that up so you knew there were other options out there besides strictly breastfeeding or formula. And if you do go formula that is fine too. Don't put pressure on yourself- or your baby. As long as they are eating, that is all that matters.

megs68 · August 2011

I won't lie - BFing can be very difficult. It can be terribly painful, inconvenient and leave you sleep-deprived, but at the same time, it was definitely one of the most rewarding things I've ever done. I BFd DS for 16 months and was sad to stop. I will always treasure the moments that he and I had together when I nursed. It's an incredible bonding experience - they look up at you with such love and peace as they're nursing because of something that you can give them - it's a great feeling! And honestly, as weird as it sounds now b/c your breasts have always been associated with sexuality, rather than a source of food, it does come naturally and not seem so strange as you do it. The first time I did it after he was born, I felt so weirded out but then it just became second nature after a few more times.

I would encourage you to take a class and seek the help of lactation consultants at the hospital. Definitely get your DH on board b/c you'll need his support with the entire thing and he needs to understand it.

The BFing board here is also a great support tool for any questions or concerns you may have and there'll be lots of others going through the same thing when you hit the 0-3 boards too.

smilelari · August 2011

Sarahbear621:
This is #2 for me. With #1 I just couldn't do it. He didn't latch...he would sit and cry and I felt like everyone kept pushing me to get him to latch. It just stressed me out more as I would sit there and try and try and try. After a week I completely gave up and with the support of DH, I started to exclusivly pump milk. DS took a bottle right away. DH liked it because they he could help with feedings. We also knew *exactly* how much DS was drinking per day. Pumping was a bit of a pain at first, but then I really started to look forward to it. When I pumped DH would either take the baby and I would read, watch tv or fold laundry (i made a hands free pumping sports bra) or I would pump when DS slept.

Downside is you now have bottle parts and pumping parts to wash, but ultimately it worked for us. I just wanted to bring that up so you knew there were other options out there besides strictly breastfeeding or formula. And if you do go formula that is fine too. Don't put pressure on yourself- or your baby. As long as they are eating, that is all that matters.

I would encourage really thinking it through before deciding to exclusively pump. I switched to EPing when LO was about 4-5 months old and it was seriously the worst decision I could have made.

I know it works for a lot of people, just want to be cautious about recommending it right off the bat

varkeyr · August 2011

The first thing every consultant says is relax. Funny thing is it is hard to relax when you do it for the first time. To ensure you are successful ask you hospital if there will be a lactation consultant to help with the process. Remember it is a learning experience for both you and the baby. Some babies get it right away others do not.

As for feeling like a cow more than human, can't help you there. That is something you have to work out for yourself.

epopp85 · August 2011

I felt that way the first time. We couldn't afford any classes, but researched online. The videos litterally made me nausaus and I couldn't finish any of them. I was mortified and couldn't imagine why anyone thought that this could possibly be a good idea. I honestly wouldn't have even tried (past colostrum) if DH hadn't insisted.

While I did not end up loving it, at all, it definitely was not as bad as I thought. It was painful at first, but once I had DS in my arms, I couldn't have cared less about any of the things that I was so worked up about. I intended to nurse for the colostrum anyway, so just kept it up. It's not easy, especially at first, but if you really want to do it, just keep with it and ask for help. Talk to LC's and look at kellymom.com. I got a lot of good information there.

That said, if you get there and it's not working for you, for whatever reason, and you decide to FF, don't feel guilty about quitting. There is a lot of pressure on women to BF and I felt a lot of guilt after quitting at 6 months even though I had dried up on my own due to illness. Looking back now, I think I was so stressed about that I probably made everyone miserable for a while. A happy Mom = a happy baby. Just try to do what's right for you and your family.

I will be BFing this time simply because it's cheaper, but if I dry up again, then I'll carry on with FFing without a worry in the world.

Sarahbear621 · August 2011

smilelari:
Sarahbear621:

This is #2 for me. With #1 I just couldn't do it. He didn't latch...he would sit and cry and I felt like everyone kept pushing me to get him to latch. It just stressed me out more as I would sit there and try and try and try. After a week I completely gave up and with the support of DH, I started to exclusivly pump milk. DS took a bottle right away. DH liked it because they he could help with feedings. We also knew *exactly* how much DS was drinking per day. Pumping was a bit of a pain at first, but then I really started to look forward to it. When I pumped DH would either take the baby and I would read, watch tv or fold laundry (i made a hands free pumping sports bra) or I would pump when DS slept.

Downside is you now have bottle parts and pumping parts to wash, but ultimately it worked for us. I just wanted to bring that up so you knew there were other options out there besides strictly breastfeeding or formula. And if you do go formula that is fine too. Don't put pressure on yourself- or your baby. As long as they are eating, that is all that matters.

I would encourage really thinking it through before deciding to exclusively pump. I switched to EPing when LO was about 4-5 months old and it was seriously the worst decision I could have made.

I know it works for a lot of people, just want to be cautious about recommending it right off the bat

Read the bold section. I think it is important that FTM know there are options out there. Ultimately do what works for you and your LO.

Sorry you felt pumping was a horrible decision for you. But it was the best decision I ever made. Once again different things work for different people.

Twin.Peaks · August 2011

I BF my first and then BF twins and I will BF this time as well.

Go into it knowing that for the first 2 weeks things could suck. You may cry, think your starving your baby, your doing it wrong. Try very hard not to supplement with formula the first few weeks but know that if you have too its not a deal breaker.

Tips to help.....

Tell yourself it will be hard it will be hard and it will seem easier.

Let down is always better when you relax

Rent a hospital pump and start pumping as soon as you give birth. It will help your milk come in faster AND for tiny ones with a bad latch...it will give them yummy milk to drink One of the twins drink bottles of pumped milk for 3 weeks before switching to me (she was just too small) so please dont think a bottle with ruin your chances. With hard work it can be done. The most important thing is to get that milk flowing. Home pumps are nice but in the beginning I recommend the hospital pump to get things going.

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