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January 2011 Moms
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VENT (NBR)... sorry long

harmony8283harmony8283
in January 2011 Moms

Would you ladies mind if i vent?  I really need to get this out, and FB would just start drama.

 

backstory: I have three sisters, and two of them live out of state.  My mom decided that we had to have a family dinner before they leave. (one leaves in about 2 weeks, and the other doesn't leave till October).  She tells us few dates, and I say no to all the weeknight ones, because I'm crazy busy with working full time, plus commuting to pick up DD and get home at a reasonable hour so she can get to bed & stay there.  She STTN for a few months now, and I am supporting that with gusto.  Also, it's not a "family" dinner, if the whole family isn't there... which my DH can't attend weeknight gatherings as he's about a two -three hour drive away during the week as he attends school right now. 

So anyway, mom asks us all when dinner works, and still decides to plan for a Tuesday night.  which hurts my feelings, because not only did i stress that weeknights aren't good for me, but that also means that DH won't be able to attend. so fine whatever that's when it works for everone else, blah, blah, blah.  so i suck it up and attend, but i tell her right up front that we have to leave at 7 or no later than 7:30 so DD will get to bed by about 8:30 (we live an hour away from them).  But she fusses around, and dinner isn't actually served until 8.  I had to return a redbox, and then I was going to gather DD up and leave, but i come back to mom putting DD to bed.  so now i'm super pissed, because usually once DD falls asleep she's just MAD if you wake her.  plus my mom keeps fussing over me to dish up.... so i give in (again) and just dish up and pray that DD will be good for me later.  we have an ok dinner (because i didn't bring any of this up).

Then i go check on DD and she's (thankfully!!) still asleep. So I decide, 9 is waaaay late to be leaving but we gotta get home. so i start packing up our stuff and run her diaper bag to the car.  I come back in to collect DD and mom is mad that we're not staying for cake and ice cream.  we get into an argument, and i finally say goodbye to everyone and take DD home. 

Now I am just seething that 1) she doesn't respect me or my family 2) somehow it's my fault dinner was so late? 3) she guilted me into staying in the first place- i'm mad at myself for giving into this as i know i should have just left at 8 and just skipped dinner to get DD home before ten.

am i justified in being mad, or am i in the wrong?  My mom and I have had some disagreements in the past, mostly because she expects me to read her mind and gets mad when i'm not telepathic- so i may not be thinking clearly when it comes to disagreements with her.  sigh- i have issues with my mom but a great MIL...

thanks for letting me vent i feel alittle better  here's a cookie!

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Re: VENT (NBR)... sorry long

  • freeatlast2014freeatlast2014 member

    I would totally have been annoyed. I have been in similar situations but with my MIL. It finally ended in a big blow out and now she respects the schedule we try to keep for LO. That was her problem - she didn't respect my schedule for JT.

    What happened with us was we went for dinner at 3, other people didn't get there til 5 so that's when dinner was served. Originally we were to leave at 5:30 (my H and I decided in the car) but when we ate so late we pushed it to 6. So when we started to gather our belongings at 6pm she flipped her sh!t. She was just sitting down to visit with us and got annoyed we were leaving. I mean yelling in front of all of her family and friends. I was like "we've been here 3 hours, it's not my fault people came late, baby has to go to bed, we are leaving". We had a talk after that happened and she has backed down now. Some times things just need to come to a head and everyone get it all out there.

    And anyway, if both of your sisters are visiting they probably have extra time - and since you are the one working with a kid and busy (not on vacay) then really your schedule should have been taken most into consideration. I probably would have just left at 7:30 and not eaten if it were me (although easier said than done). 

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  • harmony8283harmony8283
    thanks for your response!  i know i should have left at 7:30, but i knew if i left before dinner shiit would have hit the fan, ha ha i guess it did anyway tho. Next time we will just leave when I said, no matter how late things have been pushed back.  I think that's what made me so mad, was i am the only one with a baby, and working full time, so that's great that everyone else is on vacation, but why wasn't my schedule taken into consideration?  anyway, now i know how they will behave, and al i can control is how i respond.  sucks but it is what it is.  glad to know i was justified in being annoyed.
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  • freeatlast2014freeatlast2014 member

    imageharmony8283:
    thanks for your response!  i know i should have left at 7:30, but i knew if i left before dinner shiit would have hit the fan, ha ha i guess it did anyway tho. Next time we will just leave when I said, no matter how late things have been pushed back.  I think that's what made me so mad, was i am the only one with a baby, and working full time, so that's great that everyone else is on vacation, but why wasn't my schedule taken into consideration?  anyway, now i know how they will behave, and al i can control is how i respond.  sucks but it is what it is.  glad to know i was justified in being annoyed.
    Yeah, I get you. I probably wouldn't have left at 7:30 either - hence in my post above we were supposed to leave at 5:30 :) Some people either just don't get it (having a kid) or don't remember what it was like when their kids were little. 

    And you hit the nail on the head - now you know how they will behave. And in the future you can plan accordingly. That's how I view our families too. In fact, I start telling them long before I get there what time I'll be leaving. I'll tell my dad. Then I'll tell my stepmom. Then I'll remind them when I get there! Svcks, but gotta do whatcha gotta do (for your own family)! 

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  • jcole32444jcole32444

     I might have just said sorry but none of us will be making it. Weeknights do not work for us.

    But I would have been very annoyed if I had gone, and she completely ignored what time I needed to leave by. She had no reason to get upset with you for leaving.

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  • harmony8283harmony8283
    thanks gals.  the way she totally flipped out, i was questioning whether i was justified or not.   ha ha, they want to get together on Sunday now too... we'll see if DH and I would rather just stay home with DD and spend time as a family instead of dealing with more crazy.
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  • freeatlast2014freeatlast2014 member
    imageharmony8283:
    thanks gals.  the way she totally flipped out, i was questioning whether i was justified or not.   ha ha, they want to get together on Sunday now too... we'll see if DH and I would rather just stay home with DD and spend time as a family instead of dealing with more crazy.
    That's kind of annoying - why the heck did they make all that to-do about Tuesday if Sunday worked??
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  • mommabear530mommabear530
    imageMrsLynnyD:

    And anyway, if both of your sisters are visiting they probably have extra time - and since you are the one working with a kid and busy (not on vacay) then really your schedule should have been taken most into consideration. I probably would have just left at 7:30 and not eaten if it were me (although easier said than done). 

    I completely agree with this. Your story is almost EXACTLY like a dinner we had with my ILs last summer. Only instead of having a baby it was the Sunday before Joshua went back to school. Obviously he NEEDS to be in bed early. We said we'd get there at 5 and leave at 7. They weren't even home when we arrived, they got there at 6, didn't even start dinner til 7.

    I think you're totally justified in being annoyed. It was rude of them not to consider DDs schedule and the trouble it would cause you to change it. Hopefully now that you've gotten it all out there things will be better in the future. 

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  • harmony8283harmony8283

    imageMrsLynnyD:
    imageharmony8283:
    thanks gals.  the way she totally flipped out, i was questioning whether i was justified or not.   ha ha, they want to get together on Sunday now too... we'll see if DH and I would rather just stay home with DD and spend time as a family instead of dealing with more crazy.
    That's kind of annoying - why the heck did they make all that to-do about Tuesday if Sunday worked??

    exactly! yes we won't be attending.

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  • harmony8283harmony8283
    imageamandabrown530:
    imageMrsLynnyD:

    And anyway, if both of your sisters are visiting they probably have extra time - and since you are the one working with a kid and busy (not on vacay) then really your schedule should have been taken most into consideration. I probably would have just left at 7:30 and not eaten if it were me (although easier said than done). 

    I completely agree with this. Your story is almost EXACTLY like a dinner we had with my ILs last summer. Only instead of having a baby it was the Sunday before Joshua went back to school. Obviously he NEEDS to be in bed early. We said we'd get there at 5 and leave at 7. They weren't even home when we arrived, they got there at 6, didn't even start dinner til 7.

    I think you're totally justified in being annoyed. It was rude of them not to consider DDs schedule and the trouble it would cause you to change it. Hopefully now that you've gotten it all out there things will be better in the future. 

    i hope so. thanks!

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