Letter to families/Birth Plan (super long)

MrsBag3L · August 2011

Hi ladies. We are planning on a natural childbirth if there are no complications/emergencies. We would like to spend our labor and delivery privately. Some of our family members are under the assumption that they will be present and/or receiving frequent updates. It is not that I don't want to include them, but after studying the Bradley Method, I feel this time should be used for relaxation and focus. I am thinking about sending them this letter with our birth plan attached. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I want them to understand our view. What do you think? What are you L&D plans?

Dear Loved Ones,

Just as you are, we are excited for the arrival of Olivia! She is going to be a wonderful new addition to our family.

As you may already know, our plan is to have a natural childbirth. Throughout this pregnancy we have been studying the Bradley Method of childbirth and are excited to begin this journey. We plan to have as close to an intervention-free labor and delivery as possible. Because natural childbirth can be not only very intense, but strenuous, we have put some guidelines in place that we hope you will respect.

Upon the onset of labor, you will receive a phone call from one of us. It is at this time you may begin your journey here if that is your intention, but in no way do we want to rush you. After all, the labor and delivery for a first baby can sometimes take many, many hours. Feel free to make yourselves at home in our house while waiting for Olivia?s arrival. After the initial notification we will be shutting our cell phones off and disconnecting the phone in our room. Natural childbirth takes lots of concentration and relaxation. It is not that we do not love you or want to keep you informed, but talking throughout labor will be overstimulating. We will not be having any visitors in the room throughout the labor and delivery process. We are truly sorry to disappoint any of you who wished to attend, but once again we will be focused on our goal of delivering a healthy baby naturally. Soon after the birth of Olivia, we will notify you via a phone call. Please allow us an hour to bond as a family and recover before we have any visitors.

Also, we would appreciate if you would refrain from posting any information or photographs of Olivia on social media (i.e. Facebook) until you have our approval.

Attached is our birth plan so you have a better idea of our desires for the arrival of this new miracle. Feel free to contact us with any questions you may have.

Once again, we are overjoyed for Olivia to join our family! We cannot only wait to me her, but we cannot wait for YOU to meet her either! We truly hope that our wishes have not offended anyone. Our ultimate goal is for this process to be as safe and healthy as possible for everyone involved.

Love,

Ryan & Tracy

Birth Plan:

About Us:

Hi! I?m Tracy. I?m a firefighter/paramedic. This is my husband Ryan. He is a search and rescue swimmer with the United States Navy. We are overjoyed to be expecting our first baby, Olivia Claire. We are high school sweethearts that have been married a little over 4 years.

Our ultimate goal is to have a safe and healthy delivery for everyone involved. Throughout this pregnancy, we have studied the Bradley Method of childbirth. Our goal is to have a natural childbirth that is as intervention-free as possible. I?d like to be fully informed and have time to discuss privately with Ryan any interventions to be preformed outside of emergency situations. While most births do not goes as planned, we would appreciate our birth plan being followed as closely as possible pending complications and emergencies.

We are so thrilled and grateful you are here to make the arrival of our daughter a special day!

Attendants:

Ryan
Hospital/Delivery Staff
No visitors

During the first stage of labor I'd like:

The lights dim.
The room as quiet as possible.
As few interruptions as possible.
Minimal vaginal exams.
Freedom to move around.
To stay hydrated by drinking clear fluids.
To have a saline lock, as opposed to continuous fluid administration.
No medications given.

Pain Relief:

Do not offer pain medications unless requested.

During the second stage of labor I'd like:

No time limits on pushing.
Perineal massage and warm compresses to prevent tearing.
To avoid an episiotomy; if needed I prefer a pressure episiotomy.
To avoid forceps/vacuum extraction.

Immediately after delivery I'd like:

My baby placed immediately skin-to-skin with me.
To breastfeed immediately.
The umbilical cord to be cut AFTER it stops pulsating.
Ryan to cut the umbilical cord
Not to be given Pitocin.
Local anesthetic given for any repairs.

Baby:

I want the baby to remain in my presence at all times.
I would like baby?s medical exam & procedures given in my presence.
I would like to postpone eye ointment, bath, and shots until after bonding has occurred.
I?d like to breastfeed exclusively.
I?d like baby to room-in.

Once again, I would like to thank everyone involved. I truly appreciate all of the hard work you and your fellow staff members put forth for your patients.

Fianschneid · August 2011

I think the letter is polite. informative and appropriate but I don't think it is necessary to include the birth plan.

I like the way you handled the Facebook/social networking issue. Good call. It is so crazy that this has to be part of our planning these days.

Since we live five hours from most of our family, our plan is similar. We will call when I am in labor and those that are intersted, are free to travel at that time. We will let them know when our LO is born and they can visit then. Only DH and I will be in the delivery room.

cantalopes24 · August 2011

The letter is way too wordy and I don't think including the birth plan is a good idea. Who do you plan on sending it to?

weddingbells2010 · August 2011

I'm impressed with your letter and plan and think you have a clear idea of what you want. I was also glad to see that you asked people not to post pictures or news of your birth without aproval- I had the same thought and wondered if I was crazy to worry about it.

I don't think my family would respond well to a letter, though. We plan on having a casual (but firm) conversation with them at dinner sometime in the next few weeks to lay out some similiar "guidelines".

LauriJean_2009 · August 2011

I think I'll be stealing this and editing for myself. Awesome!

jonnygurl76 · August 2011

i don't get why you can't just speak to your family members and tell them what your plan is. why would you need to write all of that out and actually send them a letter? and they don't need to know your birth plan.

cantalopes24 · August 2011

Spicy15:

Also, we would appreciate if you would refrain from posting any information or photographs of Olivia on social media (i.e. Facebook) until you have our approval.

I'm just curious as I hadn't even thought of this aspect, why do you not want them to post pics without your approval? Is it something you want to do yourself, or something else? Just wondering. Overall I like your letter, I'm not sure you need the birth plan in there, but it's polite and informative like another PP said.

I was also confused about this. Do you mean you want to be sure you post the first picture of baby or that you really expect to review every single picture ever taken of your kid before it's posted on FB?

gkmacdon · August 2011

I think the letter is good - but im assuming your family has been very pushy about being there during labor (if not, it's probably overkill)

i agree with PPs that you don't need to include your birth plan. IMO birth plan should be between you, your DH and the hospital.

ProcrastinatingBride · August 2011

jonnygurl76:
i don't get why you can't just speak to your family members and tell them what your plan is. why would you need to write all of that out and actually send them a letter? and they don't need to know your birth plan.

This. It all just seems like overkill to me.

alison2379 · August 2011

ProcrastinatingBride:

jonnygurl76:
i don't get why you can't just speak to your family members and tell them what your plan is. why would you need to write all of that out and actually send them a letter? and they don't need to know your birth plan.

This. It all just seems like overkill to me.

Agreed. If I received this, I'd eye roll big time.

MrsBag3L · August 2011

This was intended for my parents, my husbands parents, my sister in-law, and grandparents.

I think you guys are right, and I will save the birth plan for hospital personnel only. I was a little iffy as to include it or not.

My main concern is with my mom. I have told her several times it is going to be just me and my husband, and she keeps saying "You'll know when the day arrives if you want me there." I feel like putting it writing will help her understand my mind is set and accept it sooner. I feel like sending the letter to everyone won't single her out so much, but will get the point across.

Also, all of our family is 5 hours away. I feel like giving them a heads up when everything starts will allow those that want to come adequate time to travel and get settled in.

As far as facebook goes, I just think that the initial announcement is something that should be left to us. Call me selfish, but this is our first.

kbarker719 · August 2011

FWIW I think the best way to keep people from showing up at the hospital while you are in labor is to not notify them when you go into labor. I know that if I make that phone call to say I'm in labor then despite any of my wishes or pleadings several people will show up at the hospital. I plan to let everyone know after the baby is born and we've had time to bond as a family (you might want more than an hour too). Otherwise, I think the letter is clear and there's no need for a birth plan to be included. I do like your birth plan and I think it will be clear to the hospital staff what your intentions and goals are because it is well written and thoughtful. Good luck Momma!

missjanesmom · August 2011

MrsBag3L:

This was intended for my parents, my husbands parents, my sister in-law, and grandparents.

I think you guys are right, and I will save the birth plan for hospital personnel only. I was a little iffy as to include it or not.

My main concern is with my mom. I have told her several times it is going to be just me and my husband, and she keeps saying "You'll know when the day arrives if you want me there." I feel like putting it writing will help her understand my mind is set and accept it sooner. I feel like sending the letter to everyone won't single her out so much, but will get the point across.

Also, all of our family is 5 hours away. I feel like giving them a heads up when everything starts will allow those that want to come adequate time to travel and get settled in.

As far as facebook goes, I just think that the initial announcement is something that should be left to us. Call me selfish, but this is our first.

This is exactly what I have been thinking. My SIL gives me the creeps the way she is all about everyone's babies. I've never known somene who was there for more of her friends' baby's births. Its an obsession and it freaks me out. She IS friends on FB with some of my side of the family and I want to be the one to make the announcement at least the two really really close cousins of mine that are stationed (Army) abroad. And we plan to skype so that they can "meet" him when WE decide. This is the same SIL who is upset that I didn't invite HER friends to my baby shower. So, I totally get the not wanting others to post pictures. My baby, my decision. And no, I won't require approval for all pictures. Just the first ones.

cantalopes24 · August 2011

MrsBag3L:

This was intended for my parents, my husbands parents, my sister in-law, and grandparents.

I think you guys are right, and I will save the birth plan for hospital personnel only. I was a little iffy as to include it or not.

My main concern is with my mom. I have told her several times it is going to be just me and my husband, and she keeps saying "You'll know when the day arrives if you want me there." I feel like putting it writing will help her understand my mind is set and accept it sooner. I feel like sending the letter to everyone won't single her out so much, but will get the point across.

Also, all of our family is 5 hours away. I feel like giving them a heads up when everything starts will allow those that want to come adequate time to travel and get settled in.

As far as facebook goes, I just think that the initial announcement is something that should be left to us. Call me selfish, but this is our first.

I just think the letter is too wordy and I don't think your family will appreciate you implying they aren't doing whats best or most healthy for you and baby. Can't you just say you and YH have decided you just want the two you in the room until after labor is over and you'll contact everyone when you arrive at the hospital and then update everyone when baby is born, and contact again when you're ready for visitors? I don't think going all into the Bradley method and all that is necessary. The letter the way it is IMO would get a lot of negative family feedback and seems condescending.

LauriJean_2009 · August 2011

I don't think I'd GIVE the letter to anyone. I just like the idea of getting it on paper so it can be carefully articulated when need be.

OP, I understand your mom might have some difficulty with this. What are your hospital's rules? We have to designate up to 4 "support people" for L&D. ONLY these people are allowed in. I plan on making MH my ONLY support person preventing unwanted visitors during L&D. Our hospital also does not allow visitors for at least one hour after delivery, therefore solving that issue.

Check the hospital and see.

nabum · August 2011

alison2379:
ProcrastinatingBride:

jonnygurl76:
i don't get why you can't just speak to your family members and tell them what your plan is. why would you need to write all of that out and actually send them a letter? and they don't need to know your birth plan.

This. It all just seems like overkill to me.

Agreed. If I received this, I'd eye roll big time.

ditto.

MrsBag3L · August 2011

LauriJean_2009:
OP, I understand your mom might have some difficulty with this. What are your hospital's rules? We have to designate up to 4 "support people" for L&D. ONLY these people are allowed in. I plan on making MH my ONLY support person preventing unwanted visitors during L&D. Our hospital also does not allow visitors for at least one hour after delivery, therefore solving that issue.
Check the hospital and see.

That's a good point. I may look into the hospitals rules to help with the issue.

Echloe · August 2011

I agree with others that if I got that letter I would probably roll my eyes. But it sounds like your mom needs to see it. You know her better than we do. That being said, I think LauriJean's comment about listing your support people for the hospital staff as only you and DH is the way to go. Your mom isn't going to fight the nurses to get into the room (I hope). Also I'm in complete support of the anti-FB section of the letter. I will using this as well. I want to do any any announcements. I don't want my FIL (who shares everything online) to do it.

jpeazybreezy · August 2011

Personaly, I think its a little formal for family. I understand that you need to convey your wishes though, and I feel like it does do that very well. Like pp's I'd say leave out the bp. Also, I totally get the FB thing, what if someone gets a nakey picture of the baby and wants to post, but you guys don't want your daughers swollen labia all over the internets...not cool.

While it does seem a little cold, if it is what is needed to get your point across, then I say great job!

hairspray77 · August 2011

While I dont think I would give a letter like this out, I do plan on having my H tell his siblings that we dont want them posting pictures/information about our LO on facebook. I'm not big into facebook in the first place and may decided to not even post pics of my child on there, and I definitely dont want my 16 year old brother-in-law posting pictures of my special family moments for all his 960+ "closest" friends to be viewing. It seems like with everyone being so involved in social media, nothing is sacred anymore.

lwogsland · August 2011

Overkill, just talk to your family!

ellewoodsSC · August 2011

Without understanding your family dynamics, the letter seems pretentious, self-centered and demanding. You'd definitely get some eye rolls and a reputation if you sent this amongst my family. Birthing is a private moment for you and your SO and I hope most people understand that and don't expect you to answer calls during L&D or think that they have a right to be present whenever they want. Make your intentions known to the immediate family via a simple conversation (ie no spectators in the room, we'd like to have some quiet time with the baby after the birth, we'll let you know when it's ok to visit...) If the immediate family has those guidelines, there's no way other relatives can expect that they get any special treatments.

Ceridwen21 · August 2011

Way too formal.

txhottie · August 2011

I don't think you need to include the birth plan and your letter is a little wordy, but that might just be your style. Here is what we sent to friends and family

Hi y'all!

I can't believe I only have 56 days until my due date! I am getting so excited! I can't wait to meet this little man, except for the fact that I need all those 56 days to get ready! We painted the room this past weekend and are planning to have a chair rail installed very soon, then we will be setting up all the furniture and moving everything into the room!

My last day of work will be Sept 16th for now. I may or may not sub a few days after that depending on how I am feeling. Right now, I feel great, so it may be a possibility.

My main reason for this email is because I love y'all and want you to be a part of my birth experience! I want you to know now that my plan is to do an unmedicated birth. I know this is not a popular decision, but as of now, it is what I want to do.

I have been taking and really enjoying Bradley Birth classes and Tanner is being a great support. We are planning to labor at home for as long as I feel comfortable and then go to North Austin Medical Center for delivery. I am not taking the option of any medication out of the picture, but would like to try hard to do this without an epidural. I need y'alls support for this!! Please be positive about my decision, no matter how you feel about it. I will go back the old cliche if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all. I would love to have encouragement from family and friends instead of the sure self doubt that I will have if I don't have support or just hear negative comments.

I also want you to know that I have a call list already laid out to notify everyone as the birth process starts. I currently plan to have only Tanner and my mom in the room with me during labor and delivery. I welcome any visitors that want to stop by after little man arrives! I will make sure to text or email out the room number of my postpartum room and how long we expect to be there. You are also welcome to come by the house after we are home fo course. I just ask that you call first to make sure we are there as I am sure we will have some doctor's appts that we will be going to.

Thank you all for your love and support! Tanner and I are truly blessed by the people in our lives!

MrsBag3L · August 2011

txhottie:
I don't think you need to include the birth plan and your letter is a little wordy, but that might just be your style. Here is what we sent to friends and family

Hi y'all!

I can't believe I only have 56 days until my due date! I am getting so excited! I can't wait to meet this little man, except for the fact that I need all those 56 days to get ready! We painted the room this past weekend and are planning to have a chair rail installed very soon, then we will be setting up all the furniture and moving everything into the room!

My last day of work will be Sept 16th for now. I may or may not sub a few days after that depending on how I am feeling. Right now, I feel great, so it may be a possibility.

My main reason for this email is because I love y'all and want you to be a part of my birth experience! I want you to know now that my plan is to do an unmedicated birth. I know this is not a popular decision, but as of now, it is what I want to do.

I have been taking and really enjoying Bradley Birth classes and Tanner is being a great support. We are planning to labor at home for as long as I feel comfortable and then go to North Austin Medical Center for delivery. I am not taking the option of any medication out of the picture, but would like to try hard to do this without an epidural. I need y'alls support for this!! Please be positive about my decision, no matter how you feel about it. I will go back the old cliche if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all. I would love to have encouragement from family and friends instead of the sure self doubt that I will have if I don't have support or just hear negative comments.

I also want you to know that I have a call list already laid out to notify everyone as the birth process starts. I currently plan to have only Tanner and my mom in the room with me during labor and delivery. I welcome any visitors that want to stop by after little man arrives! I will make sure to text or email out the room number of my postpartum room and how long we expect to be there. You are also welcome to come by the house after we are home fo course. I just ask that you call first to make sure we are there as I am sure we will have some doctor's appts that we will be going to.

Thank you all for your love and support! Tanner and I are truly blessed by the people in our lives!

I like your letter a lot. Mine does seem a little formal and wordy. I don't mean to come off as pretentious; I am just trying to be politically correct. loL. I may shorten it down a bit and take some of the formality out of it.

Another reason I am sending this out is because MIL called SIL constantly for updates throughout the labor process. SIL didn't mind because she had an epidural and is pretty care free. Also, family was in her room as soon as the gore was cleaned up. I know my parents would be just as bad since this is their first grandchild. I appreciate everyone's input!

hueraangel78 · August 2011

jpeazybreezy:

Personaly, I think its a little formal for family. I understand that you need to convey your wishes though, and I feel like it does do that very well. Like pp's I'd say leave out the bp. Also, I totally get the FB thing

I agree with this totally. MIL & FIL will be the only ones we call if I go into labor or on the way to the hospital bcuz they will watch our two other kids will we're in the OR.

As for my mom, I could have armed guards and secret service at my door and my mom would still find a way past them. And she wouldn't come to the hospital if its before 10am anyway, so we'll call her afterwards.

LauriJean_2009 · August 2011

Just out of curiosity... Is this something that is recommended in the Bradley method classes? It seems the 2 posters who have letters have taken that class.

stabil19 · August 2011

It is not that we do not love you

The above line is not necessary IMO. Also, I think you can state this in a less formal way. This is for family.

I would also have a face to face conversation with your mother. She's your mother... it's personal. If she still doesn't get it, then you can't do anything else about it. Your phones will be off, so you won't be disturbed.

NineTwentyOhEight · August 2011

MrsBag3L:

My main concern is with my mom. I have told her several times it is going to be just me and my husband, and she keeps saying "You'll know when the day arrives if you want me there." I feel like putting it writing will help her understand my mind is set and accept it sooner. I feel like sending the letter to everyone won't single her out so much, but will get the point across.

So to me, it sounds like your mom is being great - she's not saying "you'll see when you go into labor you'll want me there", she's saying you'll know whether or NOT you want her there. I think it's great to have a plan, but I also know from many friends who have gone through labor and delivery that plans don't always work the way we think they will. Sometimes babies have other ideas about how to enter the world. This is my first baby too, and I just have this feeling I will really want my momma there...I imagine I feel as strongly about that as you feel about NOT wanting your mom there. BUT, my mom has also said many times that it's up to me and I know that if she's bugging me, I can kick her out too. I just think you might want to keep things open and more flexible. When you call/email people to tell them you're in labor you could just say, we'll call/email when we're ready for visitors or with any updates! then shut your phone off.

SharonWantsABaby · August 2011

jonnygurl76:
i don't get why you can't just speak to your family members and tell them what your plan is. why would you need to write all of that out and actually send them a letter? and they don't need to know your birth plan.

Agree.

Mrs. Mo · August 2011

kbarker719:
FWIW I think the best way to keep people from showing up at the hospital while you are in labor is to not notify them when you go into labor. I know that if I make that phone call to say I'm in labor then despite any of my wishes or pleadings several people will show up at the hospital. I plan to let everyone know after the baby is born and we've had time to bond as a family (you might want more than an hour too). Otherwise, I think the letter is clear and there's no need for a birth plan to be included. I do like your birth plan and I think it will be clear to the hospital staff what your intentions and goals are because it is well written and thoughtful. Good luck Momma!

I agree. I think the easiest way to deal with people who may just show up is to not even tell them that you are in labor and just call them once the baby is born. They should understand if you don't tell them as you & your H will be a bit preoccupied at the time with your labor.

I also don't see why you would need to tell anyone your birth plan. Those are personal choices and anytime you tell people personal choices, you open yourself up for them voiceing their opinions.

Sarahbear621 · August 2011

I'm sorry but put on your big girl panties and just TELL your family what you want. They need to respect your wishes. Personally if I got this letter I would throw it in the trash and think you have some nerve. From what you have posted your mom has only suggested she be there and your MIL and SIL, it sounds like that is just their relationship with each other, which is obviously different from your relationship with her. Just tell everyone what you want and I bet they will understand. I wouldn't bother with the letter at all.

ladybirda · August 2011

The letter may be a bit formal, but not overly so IMO. You lay out your reasons very thoughtfully. To those posters who think you can just have a conversation, it doesn't work that way in all families. This way OP can lay it all out without being interrupted, people getting emotional, etc. And I fully support what you said about FB. My DH is a very private person and isn't even on FB, and I'm on the fence about whether I want to post pics of LO at all. On the one hand, I love seeing the pics of my friend's kids, but on the other, you can't really control who reposts things, my friend list settings might be on private but SIL and my relatives definitely aren't.

While I agree that you shouldn't include your birthing plan in the letter, it was helpful for me to see you post it here, so thanks!

jurcgirl · August 2011

too bad there isn't a puking smiley Stick out tongue

You wrote in a letter to your family with the words containing vaginal exam? LMFAO!!

I am sorry but this is too funny to me.....

ETA, I know what I said was mean, for some reason I am on a mean streak..don't know why...but here is some just advice about shutting off your cell phones..there is an ignore feature which is easily deployable and you are aware that the birthing process can take a long time, right? it can be quite boring, don't restrict yourself so much...after an hour or so of looking nothing happening you may want to talk to the same people you have just pledged to ignore...just a thought.

ababymaybe · August 2011

Ditto that it's too long.

Also, when you start justifying your actions to people, you open yourself up to them arguing with you further. You don't owe them an explanation. Giving them a letter like this, to me, seems like you are almost apologizing for something that you do not need to apologize for. If you want it to be your and DH, I don't think you have to give them a bunch of reasons or explanations. The truly argumentative types won't be appeased by whatever reasons you provide anyway so there is no point in even going there.

Thank them for their love and support, say you are glad they are excited and that you will be happy to visit with them AFTER delivery. The end.

RobotLegs · August 2011

If I were your sister or SIL, I'd think you were a real snot if I got this.

Ritzy19 · August 2011

Personally, I think it all seems a bit extreme. I don't know the specifics of how many people you need to inform of your decision or whatnot, but if it were me I'd just be individually talking to everyone and explaining it. Something about sending them all a letter explaining your wishes is strange to me. I also agree that there is no need to send the birthplan along.

melimelg · August 2011

alison2379:
ProcrastinatingBride:

jonnygurl76:
i don't get why you can't just speak to your family members and tell them what your plan is. why would you need to write all of that out and actually send them a letter? and they don't need to know your birth plan.

This. It all just seems like overkill to me.

Agreed. If I received this, I'd eye roll big time.

this. I think I would be quite upset if I received a letter like this in the mail. If anything, I would try to talk to my family first and if they don't listen, then give them the letter face to face.

hunnybunny614 · August 2011

That note would definitely not go over well in my family, but perhaps maybe your family is more formal than mine. I agree with PPs who said just don't call them until LO arrives. That's how my family does it and how I plan to do it as well.

mabst196 · August 2011

I think an actual letter is overkill. My mom wasn't pleased to hear that I was only having DH in the delivery room, but it was easy to relay to her verbally. I think its a good idea to gather your thoughts of things you want to mention to family, but not actually send a letter. I'd have a good laugh if I got something like this to read from a family member. I do get asking for family members to not post on FB and the like until you can.

Want a personalized experience?

Letter to families/Birth Plan (super long)

Re: Letter to families/Birth Plan (super long)

Choose Another Board

Search Boards