I know this will be different if they live hours away, but if you live reasonably close to your parents and ILs, how often do they see you and LO? Do you go over there or do they come to you? What would be ideal? I just didn't realize how much of an issue it was that grandparents feel they have this "right" to see LO whenever.
I SAH right now, so I am lucky to see LO so much, but I feel like DH, DS, and I hardly get any family time. He doesn't get home until 7 a lot of nights (works till 6 usually and we live an hr away). LO is a night owl, so he gets to hang out a few hours, but that time is spent with him watching Linus so I can hurry and cook dinner, do dishes, take care of the horses, get a shower, etc. etc. so it's not exactly quality time. Then the weekend comes... His parents have started this habit of coming over every single Saturday. Many times his dad will help him with something around the house (we're going to be selling our house in the spring hopefully) which is helpful, but they are here ALL day usually. It's tiring honestly. By the time we get up and around it's noon and they're here and then often not leaving until 7 or so. I don't want them to not see Linus, but I feel like there aren't enough hours in the week. My mom comes over during the day often to see Linus which is nice since DH isn't home yet. Then my dad doesn't want to come over so feels like we need to bring Linus to him which is annoying. So many weekends his parents are over on Saturday and we're at mine on Sunday. I feel like we're just constantly "on" and can't relax together.
I know I have the right to just say "no", but I DO want Linus to be close to his grandparents. I guess it's also just hard because Linus honestly just really doesn't see to take too well to MIL and FIL. I don't know why, but a lot of times he just looks at them and cries. So it's stressful.
Re: How often do you see your IL/parents if you're nearby?
I agree with this 110%!!! My parents and I are super close, so I don't feel that's a fair comparison. I see my mom typically 2-3 times a week, and she really is my best friend. But my MIL sees LO maybe 1x every 2 weeks. I explained to her that till I get home from work I just want to spend time with him myself. I recognize it is selfish, but sorry, that's the way it's going to be. Thank goodness she has been very respectful so far.
My parents live ten minutes away, and we see them daily. But I would have no qualms putting on the breaks if we needed some time to ourselves. Luckily, that hasn't been an issue for us, but you need to do what is right for your family.
Period.
Both my parents, the IL's and all our siblings live in town. We generally see each set about once a week. Usually they make it as easy as possible for us, stopping by here or making "appointments" for when is good. I have been very clear with everyone that we love to see them and want them to see Quinn as often as possible, but we just need to make arrangements that work for everyone.
Baby #4; 7/7/2018
We're about a 15 minute drive from my ILs, and we usually see them once a week. Sometimes it's more often, but once a week is the norm.
My parents live thousands of miles away and haven't even met Nora yet.
I agree with the others that if it isn't working for you, it's time for you and your husband to change things up and be firm about it. Good luck!
P.S. Do they know you're pregnant again yet?
Nobody (aside from everyone on the Bump lol) knows we're pg again. We're hoping to be able to wait until my bday on sept. 8 to tell everyone. That's when we told last year with Linus. A little deja vu...
My parents live in Florida I'm in New York. My ILs live next door, how ever we live in the country so there is a large field between us. We see them when we go for our evening walk if they are sitting out side. If it goes over a week we will stop and go inside for a visit.
They are very respectful and want us to have our time as a family. They also love that out of their other DILs I have been the only one who ever shows up for a visit. My SIL (their DD) told me this a few weeks back. I told her I want them to visit with Olivia and have a relationship.
After two losses, third time was a charm.
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