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Parenting after 35
Question for moms of 3+
I'm back! It looks like the last time I was able to get on here and post was in June, this summer has just flown by! Work has been so crazy I haven't even had a moment to get on and catch up with everyone, but fortunately things seem to be calming down some so I wanted to jump back on and see how everyone is doing. I hope you are all staying cool and enjoying the last weeks of summer.
So - DH and I actually started talking the other night about the idea of having Baby #3. I've been thinking about this for a while now and have been hesitant to bring it up to him because I was (and still am) kind of conflicted myself about whether I want to have another or not. I have a lot of practical reasons why we should be done having kids, but in my heart I just can't bring myself to say this is it, I still day dream about having one more. Even on the toughest days, when Noah is up all night or Ellie is being particularly headstrong, I still think to myself that I could probably do it one more time. So I finally decided to put it to DH and see what he thought, figuring if he had a strong opinion it might push me to come to some conclusion, one way or another. I was secretly pretty sure he was going to say he was done, but surprisingly he said he has also been thinking about it and is more positive on the idea than either of us would have thought. So now we are cautiously discussing the possibility.
Sooo - any of you who have 3 or more kids, any thoughts or words of wisdom? What is it like being outnumbered by your children? I've heard that going from 2 to 3 (or any higher number) isn't as hard as going from 0 to 1 and 1 to 2 - was that true for you?
Also, if we do decide to have another, we won't wait very long. I'd like to start trying shortly after Noah is weaned, which I hope will be around the time he is a year old. So if my past pregnancies are anything to go by, I could very well end up with 2 under 2 as well as a 4 year old. Any thoughts on that?
Thanks in advance for your thoughts!!
Eleanor Paige, born 3/27/08
Noah Christopher, born 10/2/10
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Question for moms of 3+
All I know is that my 40+ neighbor who has 3 kids (aged 4-9) says it's WAY more exhausting than just 2. I think it really just depends on the kids and the individual.
But not everyone things it gets easier with a higher number of kids... she'd definitely disagree with you on that.
I have no personal experience with this, so take my post with a grain of salt.
My paternal grandmother had seven children. She told my mother that the transition from 2 to 3 was the hardest.
A mom of 9 told me one to two is the hardest transition, after that you can do anything. I also hear it goes from man-on-man defense to zone defense.
Whatever you choose, may it work out exactly as you hope!! Good luck
Maggee - I've heard the "man-on-man vs zone" comment before from a former boss who had 5 children, lol!
I keep thinking about all the practical reasons like financial impact and higher risks as I get older and all the late nights I swore I would never do this again and how much I miss my free time...but then I think about holding a new little baby and how much I love hearing my kids laughing and how sweet it is when they hug me or cuddle with me...
I've also heard people say on here many many times that you will pretty much never regret having another baby, but you could regret NOT having one. And I also think that if we do decide to do it, that it will just become what life is, whether it is tough or easy, we won't really know, because we won't know anything else.
We still have some time to think about it, I wouldn't want to do anything till Noah is done BFing and I hope that will be in a couple months, but I know I'll be thinking about this a lot until we come to some conclusion. So thank you for the perspectives!!
I'm stopping at one but am grateful my MIL had an OOPS moment... my DH is the 3rd child.
And she says he was the easiest in some ways.
Bronx Zoo: Summer 2013
To read my blog, click on the giraffe pic below!
I have 3 but my first one is from my previous marriage 100 years ago. She still does demand a lot my my attention though.
Anyway, as you mentioned in your previous post, the reason H and I went for #2 (my #3) was that we thought we would regret later on not having tried for one more.
I would follow your intuition. If you think that somehow you family may feel more complete if you have another one - go for it!
^^^^all of this. For me the hardest was from 1 to 2. And with 5 it is what it is. But I'm also pretty laid back and go with the flow (with a dash of an organizing freak). I don't regret any of them, although S has made it tight financially. But after crunching the numbers, we realize that we will only be in that position for up to 2 years, really, so that's not too bad. In 1 year, it will only be S and K in daycare. In 2 years only K will be in daycare. I can handle that.
Oh, and keep in mind, L is considered special needs. He is time consuming with all the hospital visits, and the extra school help, but it all somehow fits. And I make sure that they all have what they need from me (and DH does too), I don't want any of them to feel as if we don't give them the time and attention they need from us.
And yes, I do have down time. And a lock on the bathroom door.
I applaud you for even thinking about this! 2 is all we can handle, in particular day care costs are a factor. If another one comes along, we'd have to consider one of us quitting their job. And we both like working too much. There are many times I'd like one, but I just consider going to a friend's house and holding her baby then.
And since I told DH in the throes of drug free labor that we were not having any more children, I could not stand to hear "I told you so.".
My third is not even a month old so it's hard for me to judge right now how the transition will be. Right now it's a breeze but I'm sure that will change once Sullivan becomes mobile.
From your post, it sounds as though deep down you truly know that you want another child. I think if that's the case then you should try because like people have said, you don't want to look back with regret. Will it be more chaotic and harder financially? Yep, probably. But will it bring more love into your family? Yes to that as well.
Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12
Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck. Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.
This Cluttered Life
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
Thanks so much for all the feedback! I really thought I was sure I wanted to go for it, but lately we've been having some rough days and I'm questioning myself again. My sister has 3, and I talked to her about it for a long time. She told me it is really a lot of work. But she also pointed out that in her case, her two older kids were already 4 and 7 when her third was born, and she and her DH had been way past the baby stage by then, so the shock of having to deal with nighttime feedings, diapers, bottles, etc. again was hard for them. I would avoid a lot of that since we'd try right away and Noah is still small.
Today, I was realizing that I really really love the idea of being pregnant again and having the baby - I mean labor and delivery. I'm just not as certain that I would love having another toddler, or three year old, or teenager!
But see - even as I'm typing this, I'm thinking that of course I would love to have three kids running around the house, playing and fighting and everything. Aargh!! I'm so indecisive!!!
From all that I've seen in my life and those of the people I know it's easier to have children in sets of 2. Not twins although that is easier than you think. I mean have one and then another within a 2 year span. Grouping children together instead of having odd numbers helps with all sorts of things even if the set do not get along. Seems a little crazy to some, I'm sure, just been my observation.