does it get better?

pinkpigeon · August 2011

hey ladies...

i haven't even made it to 6 weeks pp to have the go-ahead to start having "fun time" with my dh again. my dh is counting down the days and is very excited that we'll be at 4 weeks pp this week. im feeling pretty good so i was thinking about giving our first go-round a try this weekend.

anyway...my question is more about libido than the act. unlike my dh i am not counting down the days at all. im not excited about it. basically my sex drive is at zilch right now. i read somewhere a long time ago (it scared me then and it scares me now that it may be true for me) that breastfeeding can bring a lady's libido down. paired with being tired and feeling unattractive i can see how some women don't wanna do it at all.

has this happened to you? am i the only one (and is my poor dh the only guy who has to deal with this)? or does it get better? does bf really have anything to do with it? and lastly, what can i do to get my sex drive back?!!!

MrsCarroll.6-10-07 · August 2011

With my 1st daughter it was back pretty quick and things were good. With my 2nd daughter I could care less about sex STILL. I pretty much have to force myself to do it. Sometimes I enjoy it, sometimes I don't. I am hoping it comes back someday. =(

chicsub · August 2011

After my 1st it wasn't back full force, but it was still there. Right now I have zero sex drive, but I also have an injured back so that doesn't help either. I EBF too and it definitely made a difference when I weaned and when DS cut back on feedings.

Mrs.Purdue · August 2011

i don't think BF'ing makes any (much?) difference. you're exhausted and still all flabby and your body has changed, so you don't feel super sexy. all totally normal.

and fwiw, i'd really urge you to wait until your 6 week pp appointment before doing the deed. it's not about how good or not good you feel down there, they tell you to wait because of the chance of infection.

also, I read on here this week that certain types of birth control options require you to either not have had pp sex yet or wait for your period (and since you're BFing, that might be several months down the road), so I'd look into that too. I believe it was paraguard and maybe other IUDs?

PartiallySunny · August 2011

My sex drive didn't really come back until I got my first post partum period. And even then it depends on how much sleep I'm getting.

I find making time to make out with H has upped my libido tremendously.

weddingcaketaster · August 2011

we did it last night and i can honestly say that was the first time i actually had some interest in doing it (and my baby is 3 months). We tried twice before, and it was just like a chore :-/ I think it's just a waiting game as far as libido goes...it will come back

and no, you are not the only one!

kathrnn · August 2011

I agree with PPs, it'll come back but it is different for everyone.

A word of caution, I felt back to "normal" 2 weeks pp, so my husband and I had sex before my 6 week pp appointment and it HURT. Just because you feel okay doesn't mean everything is back to normal downstairs. Not trying to scare you, but I would proceed with caution (lots of lube is your friend).

My libido still isn't back. Before and while I was pregnant I actually wanted to have sex, but since having my daughter I don't want to but do enjoy it once we've gotten started. I am breastfeeding, but think it has more to do with the fact that I'm focused on so many other things now: baby, work, chores, errands, etc etc...

magdalina.h · August 2011

1. You shouldn't have sex at 4w pp. Your dr didn't say 6w just to punish you. You are at a greater risk of infection because of the open wound from your placenta detaching.

2. I was ready to go right away, but I knew it would be painful so we waited longer than 6w. I was too tired to put much energy into it, but now it's better since Lucas is STTN.

chicsub · August 2011

Mrs.Purdue:
i don't think BF'ing makes any (much?) difference. you're exhausted and still all flabby and your body has changed, so you don't feel super sexy. all totally normal.

Actually your estrogen levels are lower when you BF, which is why you might be more dry and your sex drive is lower/non-existant. Nature's way of making sure you don't get pregnant again too soon!

Of course all the other factors don't help either, but BFing definitely plays a role on top of it.

lauralovesbob · August 2011

I'm BFing and things are just now starting to get back to normal. It seems like it has more to do with my level of fatigue/lack of sleep than anything else. Once my head hits the bed, I want SLEEP not romance, ha ha. We've had better luck in the daytime.

Mrs.Purdue:

also, I read on here this week that certain types of birth control options require you to either not have had pp sex yet or wait for your period (and since you're BFing, that might be several months down the road), so I'd look into that too. I believe it was paraguard and maybe other IUDs?

Just FWIW you don't have to wait until a period for an IUD (or hormonal contraceptive). The sex thing is only no unprotected sex, because they shouldn't insert an IUD if there's a chance you might be pregnant.

SouthFloridaMommy · August 2011

Yes, it definitely does get better, but it takes time. I EPed with both of my girls and I had absolutely no interest in sex until I stopped pumping. EPing majorly killed my sex drive. I also had an episiotomy with DD1 and it really hurt at first. Over time it got better though.

BuffaloMomToBe · August 2011

I had a low sex-drive pre-baby. Post-baby it's the LAST thing I think about. I have absolutely NO desire...I am EBF'dng so that may have something to do with it but I certainly do hope I get a little desire back.

My DH and I attempted 'the deed' about two weeks ago and it hurt so bad I couldn't continue on further than about five minutes. I'm praying that gets better too!

CutieBean79 · August 2011

I had ZERO sex drive until about a month ago. Not that it really matter because I was so messed up down there it hurt too bad anyways. We didn't have real sex until about 2 weeks ago. It sounds like you (and maybe your DH) are pressuring yourself. Take it easy, things can change quickly.

fluffybuns · August 2011

chicsub:
Mrs.Purdue:
i don't think BF'ing makes any (much?) difference. you're exhausted and still all flabby and your body has changed, so you don't feel super sexy. all totally normal.
Actually your estrogen levels are lower when you BF, which is why you might be more dry and your sex drive is lower/non-existant. Nature's way of making sure you don't get pregnant again too soon! Of course all the other factors don't help either, but BFing definitely plays a role on top of it.

This! My midwife compared what happens to your hormones while BFing to what happens during menopause-hense the lack of period and no sex-drive!