Is anyone else mommy-less??

ELF4321 · August 2011

My mom passed away about a year and a half ago after a long illness. I am finding it increasingly difficult going through all of this without her to talk to about it. I had a total meltdown yesterday because I was finally going through all of her jewelry and remembering how I used to love playing dress up with it when I was a little girl, and just ended up feeling so sad both because she is gone, and because I might never have a daughter who will play dress up with my jewelry.

It seems like, even though now I can sometimes go days or even weeks without crying about her, then something happens or some random thought or memory enters my head and it all comes crushing down on me again. I find myself wondering if the overwhelming feeling of loss and this gaping hole in my chest will ever get better. Anyone else dealing with this? Does it ever get easier?

brookelynpaisley · August 2011

I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm sending you a hug. I, too, hope someday you have a daughter to play with your jewelry

HotChocolate79 · August 2011

I am really sorry for your loss.

AshleyC0117 · August 2011

I haven't lost my mom yet, but she is terminally ill and doesn't have much time. For the past year she hasn't been the same because of her illness so part of her is "gone" already and I've been mourning the loss of the mother I used to have. We were very close and talked every day and now even when I see her we can only really talk for 5 minutes or so before she wants to go rest. I haven't told her about any of my IF struggles because it's not something she needs to worry or stress over, but I always think of how much I wish I could talk to her about everything in the way that I used to. I often think about how she won't be around to see my children and be their grandmother, and it makes me feel so awful.

I don't really have any advice and I'm not sure if it ever gets easier because there really is no replacement for a Mom. I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm sending lots of hugs your way.

jessican08 · August 2011

I'm so very sorry for your loss. ((HUGS))

laabeth · August 2011

I'm so sorry. I lost my Mom in 1997 and I can honestly tell you that it does get better, but you will always miss her. I lost my Dad a couple months ago and pretty much any given second I could just breakdown. *hugs*

ELF4321 · August 2011

AshleyC0117:

I haven't lost my mom yet, but she is terminally ill and doesn't have much time. For the past year she hasn't been the same because of her illness so part of her is "gone" already and I've been mourning the loss of the mother I used to have. We were very close and talked every day and now even when I see her we can only really talk for 5 minutes or so before she wants to go rest. I haven't told her about any of my IF struggles because it's not something she needs to worry or stress over, but I always think of how much I wish I could talk to her about everything in the way that I used to. I often think about how she won't be around to see my children and be their grandmother, and it makes me feel so awful.

I don't really have any advice and I'm not sure if it ever gets easier because there really is no replacement for a Mom. I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm sending lots of hugs your way.

That is exactly how the last year and a half with my mom was -- we knew she probably didn't have a whole lot of time left (although the docs were predicting 4-5 years, so we were surprised when she only made it 18 months, but that was partly because she didn't take care of herself as well as she should have, but that's another issue). We had always talked on the phone a lot (I'm out of state), but she was having so much trouble breathing the last year that our phone conversations became hard on her and she couldn't talk much. There was definitely an element of watching her slowly slip away. It sucks. I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this too. ((hugs))

ELF4321 · August 2011

laabeth:
I'm so sorry. I lost my Mom in 1997 and I can honestly tell you that it does get better, but you will always miss her. I lost my Dad a couple months ago and pretty much any given second I could just breakdown. *hugs*

So sorry for your losses. My dad is in poor health and refuses to see a doctor -- I only get to see him a couple of times a year, but each time he looks older and more frail. I worry about losing him too. Sorry if my post triggered a breakdown for you :-( ((hugs))

TheHensonWedding · August 2011

My mom is still here and I have never had moments like that with her. I'm so sorry for your loss, but I'm happy that you had such an amazing mother. I know it sounds cheesy, but one of my favorite quotes is from Dr. Suess. "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened!"

Hang in there. She's still with you. I hope you feel better soon!

ELF4321 · August 2011

LGLDVM:

I hope it's ok for me to respond...

I lost my mom when I was 20. She never saw me graduate from college, never saw me become a doctor, never saw me get married and now will never know her grandchildren.

She was an RN and we were really close so I know I would have been able to tell her all about my treatments and issues and she would have listened and understood. It really adds an extra twist to the knife in the heart on Mother's Day when not only can you not get pregnant, but you don't even have a mom of your own.

I hope that you find peace in your suffering and that you are able to find other people to help fill that void. It never fully goes away, but it does get better. Even though I'm pregnant now, I still miss her and wish she was here to talk to about issues with the pregnancy and planning for our future children.

(((((hugs)))))

Of course it's okay for you to respond! I'm sorry for your loss too. Best wishes again for a happy and healthy pregnancy for you!

pulga131 · August 2011

::raises hand:: I lost my mom suddenly in '04. It was an un-expected death. It does get better, but at the same token it doesn't. The daily deep despair that you feel at the beginning gets better, but that feeling you described of just some random thing happening that brings up all the pain still hasn't gotten better for me. For example, when I discovered I had no IF coverage, I lost it and started crying not only over insurance but over my mommy. Years ago, at a friends baby shower (before I even was ttc) I was crying b/c I saw her w/ her mom and grandmother and I knew that I would never have that moment (my mother wasn't even around for my wedding). Sorry for your loss.

ELF4321 · August 2011

MissMusic:

Your post made me so sad. I'm very sorry you lost your mom.

I didn't lose my mom, but I lost my grandmother in 2007. She was very much like my mom, because my "real" mom couldn't take care of me as a kid, and I spent the majority of my days at grandma's. They took me to school, made me do homework, came to my soccer games, gave me a bedroom of my own, sewed up holes in my favorite skirts, etc. It doesn't get "easier", you just cope differently.

T&P to you, I'm sure you will have a daughter who will play dress up with your jewelry, and you can tell her how awesome your own mom was T&P.

Sorry to drag you down with me :-( Thanks for your thoughts, and I'm sorry for your loss of your GM.

ELF4321 · August 2011

pulga131:
::raises hand:: I lost my mom suddenly in '04. It was an un-expected death. It does get better, but at the same token it doesn't. The daily deep despair that you feel at the beginning gets better, but that feeling you described of just some random thing happening that brings up all the pain still hasn't gotten better for me. For example, when I discovered I had no IF coverage, I lost it and started crying not only over insurance but over my mommy. Years ago, at a friends baby shower (before I even was ttc) I was crying b/c I saw her w/ her mom and grandmother and I knew that I would never have that moment (my mother wasn't even around for my wedding). Sorry for your loss.

Sorry to hear you've been through this too. ((hugs))

nicoleashlee27 · August 2011

Hello,

I'm very sorry for your loss and I am can completely relate to how you're feeling my mom and I were very close and she passed away a year ago 8/8 to lung cancer (nonsmoker) so it's still very hard and painful especially since I am getting married in a couple of weeks. It is also painful going through troubles ttc and her not being here, but this year was not as hard as I anticipated it being. I hope you start to feel better too, if you need someone to talk to me please message me

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