How would you handle this... — The Bump
April 2011 Moms

How would you handle this...

Sorry to post two threads in a row but it's one of those days.

I have a friend who is a SAHM and I am back at work.  I just came back to work 2 weeks ago so I'm still adjusting to the change.  We have a GREAT bedtime routine and bedtime is 7:30.  So when I get off work, and subtracting travel time, I have about 1-2 hours to spend with my peanut before bedtime.  On the weekends (well only 2 so far) I'm spending as much time as possible with her as well as doing those weekly chores like cleaning up/grocery store/etc. 

So my friend asked to come over this weekend with her 3 yr old and 6month old.  I politely declined because I was doing a craft project while LO was napping and I was just enjoying our family time.  I suggested that I stop by next weekend instead and she replied asking if we wanted to come over during the week.  (These were all via text message).  I feel really bad but I don't want to.  I want to see her and her kids, but it is really inconvenient for me during the week.  If I stop by after work, we'll only be there for 30-40 min before I need to get back home for bedtime and it's not enough time for a visit.

So how would you handle this?  How do you tell a friend that you DO want to see her, but just not right now?  Re-reading this I realize that I sound like a huge B...But I don't know what to do.  I wish I could just come by and be willing to break the routine but the routine is so important to us right now! Advice?

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Re: How would you handle this...

  • I would just be honest with her.  Explain that your time with LO is limited and you are still settling into your new routine.  If she is truly a friend she will understand.
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  • I'm a WM too so it is difficult for me to get together during the week.  Be honest, let your friend know after working and doing a night time routine you don't have much of a social life during the week.  You have more free time on the wknds.  You DO want to see her and her fam and will make time on 'this date'.

    I now have a calendar and have to 'schedule' all activities including seeing friends....

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  • Being a SAHM with a toddler and an infant, I know how your friend is feeling. It is HARD to be with the kids by yourself all day, she probably needs some support and some interaction with adults. Can you try to call her on a work break to chat instead of texting? I know my best friend and I have similar aged kids and it has helped us both tremendously while she has been off all summer to chat every day or two on the phone.

    Our weekends are limited because my husband works crazy hours all week, so I know where you're coming from with not wanting to do anything. We don't often want to go anywhere either because he barely sees the girls. But we also have things to do every now and then...birthday parties, BBQs, etc. 

    Tell your friend weeknights are too hectic because of bedtime and you don't get to see your baby, and offer some time on a weekend for you guys to hang out.

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  • I don't think you sound like a biatch at all.  You are a working mom, your friend is a SAHM....there is a big difference.  Your time is limited when you get home from work & you are still adjusting to your new schedule.  Like the pp said, just be honest & tell her that you would love to see her but you are still adjusting to your new schedule.  Your friend has children, she should understand.
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  • Thanks for the suggestions ladies- I am glad that you guys can bring up both perspectives.  I'll try to call on my lunch break while I'm on my walk (esp on rainy days like today).  I'll get her on my calendar for sure- I hope she understands!
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  • imagesbmp10:
    I would just be honest with her.  Explain that your time with LO is limited and you are still settling into your new routine.  If she is truly a friend she will understand.
    This. Not only is my time with LO precious, but so is time with my H (we work opposite shifts). I have declined invitations from not only friends, but family so we could spend time together just the three of us. Be honest and tell them why the visit isn't a good idea. They will understand and as time goes it will get easier to schedule get togethers.
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  • PP's had great advice and I just wanted to add that after you have adjusted a little more to your schedule you might feel better about popping over there after work.  I can see how it is all overwhelming right now.

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