Throwing a friend a Baby Shower

Irishgirlie08 · August 2011

I need some advice. My best friend is pregnant and she is the first one in our group of friends which is very exciting. Also, my husband and I are the first ones to know. No one not even their families know yet, which is an honor in my mind. I want to throw her a kick butt baby shower. She is due in approximately Mid-March, which means a shower in January/ February. She loves the color Pink (Hot Pink) and is a Jimmy Buffett/Margaretville fan. She won't know till later next week whether it?s a boy or girl and I am not sure if she has decided if she wants to know. Any suggestions on a theme Or any great ideas are welcomed?

LuckyInIreland · August 2011

I say wait a little! It sounds like your friend is due about the same time as me, and if one of my friends was stressing about planning a shower for me already, I'd tell her to take a breath! You have PLENTY of time to put together a kick a$$ shower without stressing about it now. Ask her if she plans on finding out the gender, and then you can start thinking about details for this party. It's not a wedding- you don't need a year to plan it! A month or two should be plenty!

Belichick · August 2011

It's really sweet that you are so excited for her, but IMO it is way too soon to start planning a shower.

If she's due in mid-March, that puts her at 9ish weeks pregnant, no way is she finding out if it's a boy or girl next week. Chances are she won't know until she's 18-22 weeks, even if she does find out at an elective U/S at 16 weeks, that's still over two months away.

I would wait until at least then to start planning the shower. Make sure that she makes it safely through her 1st trimester, give her time to tell the rest of her family etc., then go from there.

DiademChi · August 2011

I would wait a bit for a theme. If she is finding out the gender, you'll have more color options. If not, there are many adorable gender neutral themes out there ("nesting", nursery rhymes, children's books, etc.).

Sounds like you enjoy planning, so start figuring out your party budget. Then research locations (your house or a restaurant or church, etc.) and food options. Most common is to have a lunch, but you can also have a coffee/tea with refreshments. Any idea on the guest list size? Does she have a lot of family and friends in the area?

Irishgirlie08 · August 2011

Sorry I am an early planner/researcher. I have never thrown a baby shower before and am not sure what exactly to expect and do!!

Irishgirlie08 · August 2011

Thanks for the advice. I will start looking at locations. Around where we live there are not of tons of places for events so you usually have to start planning early to try to get a good location. I am not sure about the guest list yet. I wasn't sure usually how many people you invite. Both of them don't have super large families so I am thinking 25-50 (which I am sure sounds like a lot, but in my family my moms side alone I have 30 cousins and my mom has 12 brothers and sisters so I am use to larger affairs). Her family is not in the area (1-2 hours away), but his is local. Her friends are all local

l&s&baby · August 2011

Aw, I think it's sweet that you're so excited! While I agree that it's a little soon to be jumping into the planning, you can definitely start developing a general idea. It seems like you have a lot of couples in your friend group, so I might consider having a co-ed shower, so the men could come too. And I don't know too much about Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville, but judging by that name, I'd say virgin margaritas are a must! No specific ideas, but since you're starting so early, I'd just keep your eyes and ears open and hopefully inspiration will strike! Have fun with it!

Irishgirlie08 · August 2011

Thanks. There is about 8 couples in our group of friends. I read an idea that why the baby shower is going on for the girls. The father to be host a party (don't like that, but my husband can throw the party since they are good friends), its called a beer and diaper party. The host grills, the guests bring the drinks and diapers. From what I read its a good way to stock up on diapers for the couple. Or I was thinking something like a Beer and Baby Products Party (like Diapers, Bottles, Wipes, Etc.).

srs5624 · August 2011

Irishgirlie08:
I am not sure about the guest list yet. I wasn't sure usually how many people you invite.

A baby shower is not an invite-everyone-you-know type of event. This is not the time to invite cousins that she sees every third Christmas or random acquaintences on her Christmas card list.

Ask her for a list of people she would like invited. It will likely include friends and family that she speaks to on a routine basis. Make sure you get phone numbers in addition to addresses. You'll likely have to call at least a few people who fail to RSVP.

You'll have to discuss with her if she'd like it to be female only or co-ed. That will have an impact on your guest list too.

ETA: I just saw your update. Sounds like you're going with a women only shower with a separate party for the guys... Don't let the dad-to-be host his own party (it's tacky and the money he'd use to have his own party should be used to provide diapers for his child). Ask your husband to throw a party for him.

EastCoastBride · August 2011

srs5624:

Irishgirlie08:
I am not sure about the guest list yet. I wasn't sure usually how many people you invite.

A baby shower is not an invite-everyone-you-know type of event. This is not the time to invite cousins that she sees every third Christmas or random acquaintences on her Christmas card list.

To follow on this- YOU need to figure out what you can afford. Will you have it at your (or her) home, or will it be at a restaurant? Will anyone be helping host it?

And actually, on that note, you need to take a step back. She may have family who would like to throw a shower too. If they want too - they could do a family shower where as you do a friend shower. But just realize taht while you're so excited for her, I would imagine there may be other people who will also be very excited for her too.

As for the guys... nothing "has" to be done for them. Quite honestly, if DH and I both got invitations to seperate events for the same couple, I might be annoyed. Asking for one gift from us is one thing, but 2 parties means 2 gifts... you might be pushing it.

You know your friends better, but just be careful about this. Especially as it extends to her family and other people you may not know as well.

srs5624 · August 2011

EastCoastBride:
srs5624:

Irishgirlie08:
I am not sure about the guest list yet. I wasn't sure usually how many people you invite.

A baby shower is not an invite-everyone-you-know type of event. This is not the time to invite cousins that she sees every third Christmas or random acquaintences on her Christmas card list.
To follow on this- YOU need to figure out what you can afford. Will you have it at your (or her) home, or will it be at a restaurant? Will anyone be helping host it?
And actually, on that note, you need to take a step back. She may have family who would like to throw a shower too. If they want too - they could do a family shower where as you do a friend shower. But just realize taht while you're so excited for her, I would imagine there may be other people who will also be very excited for her too.

As for the guys... nothing "has" to be done for them. Quite honestly, if DH and I both got invitations to seperate events for the same couple, I might be annoyed. Asking for one gift from us is one thing, but 2 parties means 2 gifts... you might be pushing it.

You know your friends better, but just be careful about this. Especially as it extends to her family and other people you may not know as well.

Good point. I was assuming beer and diaper parties were the norm for her area.

To the OP: Keep what ECB said in mind. As a personal anecdote... I just received two invitations for two events for one person during the same weekend (in the same envelope no less). A wedding on Saturday and their baby shower the following day. It's annoying. She's not due for four more months... they could spread that out a little.

varkeyr · August 2011

Irishgirlie08:
Thanks for the advice. I will start looking at locations. Around where we live there are not of tons of places for events so you usually have to start planning early to try to get a good location. I am not sure about the guest list yet. I wasn't sure usually how many people you invite. Both of them don't have super large families so I am thinking 25-50 (which I am sure sounds like a lot, but in my family my moms side alone I have 30 cousins and my mom has 12 brothers and sisters so I am use to larger affairs). Her family is not in the area (1-2 hours away), but his is local. Her friends are all local

First think about how much you can afford to spend. That will limit your guest list. Next look around for sites or have it in your/ her home. Then worry about theme, games and ect.. You can go to Oriental Trading and they have an event planner that will help to keep you organized. Remember that invites should go out no later than a month in advance.

Irishgirlie08 · August 2011

According to Ettiqutte the mother-to-be should throw the party NOR should either parents of the parents-to-be host the shower.

I know I need to ask her who she wants to invite and I plan on asking her mom if she is ok with me throwing the shower. I am not going to step on anyone's toes.

I know during their wedding since the families live in 2 different areas there were several problems with his family having to travel to her families area. If a friend throws the shower at a neutral (half way from each other) location their is no pressure of the his family vs her family.

** Please remember I am just asking for basic advice at this time. This early in the planning process. I just wanted to hear from people who had attended showers and things they experienced. Like most of you have said its to early to start planning anyway. I just wanted some ideas**

*Plus the father-to-be party was just one thing I read and was wondering if anyone else has experienced this

srs5624 · August 2011

Irishgirlie08:

According to Ettiqutte the mother-to-be should throw the party NOR should either parents of the parents-to-be host the shower.

This part has pretty much been done away with. It has been widely accepted for grandmothers-to-be to host a shower for her daughter/daugher-in-law.

The mother-to-be and father-to-be should never throw their own shower.

Irishgirlie08 · August 2011

I am asking only for great theme ideas or great ideas for suggestions on making a wonderful bridal shower.

ellewoodsSC · August 2011

A lot of the planning will actually revolve around what type of shower: co-ed, large or small, formal or informal and YOUR budget will dictate how many guests and what kind of facilities are reasonable. Think facilities rental/reservations, food and drinks pp, cake, decorations, entertainment/games/prizes, shower favors, etc.

At this point just let your friend get past the 1st trimester and then you can let her and her mother know that you'd like to throw a shower for her. Many people have multiple showers between all the relatives, friends, church and co-workers so don't feel the need to include everybody at one shower as guest lists should not overlap. If her family or the inlaws want to throw an additional shower or would rather help you plan one big shower, then that changes your game plan. So try not to get too carried away this early.

rhubarb123 · August 2011

It is really early but not too early to look into things and get ideas (like you are doing). If you plan to host one sort of in a neutral location I would start looking at halls, whether they be community rooms, churches, restaurants, firehalls, senior centers, libraries, VFW, Elk, Moose, Eagles, etc. There are many places that people never think of that have pretty inexpensive rentals and some are really nice. It would be a good idea to spend some time visiting some of these places. Many of the places I mentioned above you need to be a member or know someone who is. If you have a friend who lives in a housing complex that has a recreation room/center that is good as well and inexpensive.

I would ask her mom (once she knows) if she would like to help but let her know that if she'd rather just sit back and enjoy the shower that is fine too. You are correct in regards to proper etiquette that it should not be a direct family member who hosts the shower but I think it has kind of went on the wayside. I'm not really sure why that is.

As for the diapers/wipes party for the men...if you husband hosted it that would be great. My DH's friend hosted a get-together...they went to a cigar bar (my DH doesn't smoke) and they had a great time playing pool. The guys brought diapers. It was definitely scaled down and not all the husband's of the wives that attended the shower went to the men's party.

You can definitely do a Margaretaville type type whether it is a boy or a girl...if you know that is what she likes. It would definitely make things lively. In days long ago (my mother's generation) they would never have had alcohol but now it is defintely acceptable to have alcoholic punches and/or wines. If you want to go with that type of theme just check things out...it would be fun to do a theme like that in the middle of January or February (winter). Pick things up at the end of summer on sale for decorations. Heck, if you decide to go with something else or if she decides to have her mom host the shower you can always use them for a summer party next year yourself. lol

jsaphier · August 2011

It is so nice of you to want to throw her a shower. I'm only 9 weeks and when I told my family and close friends that was almost the first thing out of their mouths after congratulations! They are already planning the shower!

Sounds like some frozen virgin margaritas are in order to serve at the party! I love the idea of an evening baby shower with mocktails and appetizers (not traditional, but I love it!)

Irishgirlie08 · August 2011

rhubarb123 and jsaphier: Thanks for the advice and some ideas. Finally 2 people who listen that I am looking for some ideas and advice. Especially the idea about getting the decorations at the end of the summer season at a discount price, I actually would have not thought of that! I will check out places that you suggested. Thanks

srs5624 · August 2011

Irishgirlie08:

rhubarb123 and jsaphier: Thanks for the advice and some ideas. Finally 2 people who listen that I am looking for some ideas and advice. Especially the idea about getting the decorations at the end of the summer season at a discount price, I actually would have not thought of that! I will check out places that you suggested. Thanks

Confused

Odd. I counted 9 replies that contained advice and ideas.

Irishgirlie08 · August 2011

I asked for theme or great ideas, not peoples criticism of me wanting to start planning early/getting suggestions. I felt those 2 were the best ones who didn't scrutinize everything I had to say.

lylipad · August 2011

Maybe I am a wierdo (definitely type A) but I don't think its ever too soon to start getting ideas, and depending on your budget collecting items (they add up if you try to get them all at once.)

My BFF is throwing my a Dr. Sues themed shower. I have a HUGE family so my mom is throwing me two showers, one is a diaper theme (I am going cloth) and the other is a baby bird theme. Note I am not finding out the gender so these I feel are neutral.

I encouraged them to start coming up with ideas about games and prizes so that they were not spending a butt load at the last minute. Also for games the require baby items like the one where you put things on the tray and then the guests make a list of what they remember, they are going to split the list in half and share the items. I also think that having a theme well in advanced means that if you see something at Michaels or Target or wherever between now and then thats on sale or just "perfect" you can buy it now.

But that's just me P.S. I also think that if she doesn't find out the sex it's ok to default to a girly theme like Parisian or Breakfast at Tiffany's because it is a feminine event. Good Luck

Irishgirlie08 · August 2011

Thank you!! Someone who finaly thinks like me!!!

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