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Parenting after a Loss
ashleyrsotomayor
member
Sometimes I wish I didn't speak Spanish
ashleyrsotomayor
member
The in-laws are here visiting for a little over a week. It's been a little better than I had anticipated, and it's nice to have help with some things, but MIL is still getting on my nerves a little. It would be much more bearable if I didn't speak Spanish, then I wouldn't understand anything she says. Since they got here I have only had my son when he is nursing. Every time he finishes, she snatches him up. She is also all up in my business when I try to nurse when we are out doing things. When I put my nursing cover on she says, "Well back in my time we just whipped it out". Sorry if I am modest and I don't want to whip out my boob in front of strangers, and worse FIL and grandpa. DH and I wanted to drive separately to go out with them yesterday because there wasn't enough room in the car with the carseat and everything, plus I wanted to be able to park somewhere and nurse in private as needed without his dad and grandpa there. Well, MIL jumps in the car with us, and wants to sit in back with DS, and I had to tell her no because I needed to be able to easily take him out and nurse when needed. She got all huffy. Then, we were at Lowe's and she wanted to push the stroller, and she wouldn't even stop and go to the bathroom because she was afraid I would take the stroller from her.
And she has always been overbearing but it's worse with a grandbaby. She is constantly freaking out about our dog being close to him (we have a golden retriever that is a big lovable goof that is just fine with DS). She grabs his collar to pull him away, and that just excites him even more even though DH and I both told her he is fine and to leave him alone. DS also clusterfeeds at night, and every night when he wants to eat constantly and I take him to his room to nurse, she says, "Are you sure you have enough milk for him?". The kid gained 7oz last week. He is getting plenty. DS is uncircumcised (DH is as well) and she is insistent that we have to pull back the foreskin and clean it. All my books and my doctor say that you should never do that, and when he is older it will retract on its own and he can learn to clean it himself. I told her no, but she keeps saying that she did it with DH and that it's going to get gross. Well...too bad, and I don't even know how you could retract it at this age, it's so tiny. I am not touching it and she better not either.
I want to appreciate her help, she has been cooking and cleaning, and it's nice to have a nap here and there...but at the same time she needs to back off with some things. She is coming to stay with us December-March to babysit when I go back to work, and while we really need the help, I am terrified of her taking over our child.
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Re: Sometimes I wish I didn't speak Spanish
Meanwhile this half Mexican was never taught Spanish
. I wish I knew it so I could teach Jax and be able to talk to him, I understand a lot I just don't speak it well.
But yeah it'd be a lot easier to ignore her with knowing the language!
Ha ha ha. Thanks:) I will come up with a bat signal for DH. I do nurse him in his room, but sometimes she tries to follow me. I don't get it, when my friends nurse I let them have privacy even though I know they don't care. Why would you want to be all up in someone's space when they have their boob out?
One of my best friends is full Mexican, and she doesn't speak any Spanish, or understand it. And we live in Phoenix. She teaches with me and hates that she has to come to me to translate to parents. They all expect her to be the one that speaks Spanish, not the gringa! I think it's a shame that so many parents that speak two or more languages don't teach their children, but a lot of them just don't see the need. My son will speak Spanish and English. I speak to him in English (because I don't want him getting my horrible Spanish accent) and DH speaks to him in Spanish. We are also going to put him in a dual language program when he starts school. We are just lucky that we live somewhere that has that option.
Hugs, it is hard dealing with family sometimes, especially in the beginning.
DH's sister came out when DD was 6 weeks old, and she pretty much did everything with DD. Like she even got up before us and took care of Hailey (I FF so she would even feed her). At the time it was so irritating to me, but in the long run looking back it doesn't bother me. The first couple months everything is so new you want to do everything with your LO, so it is so annoying.
Now, I am all for handing DD off to get a few minutes to myself, and I have the validation that she wants and likes me (in the beginning LO is pretty ambevious).
It will get better hopefully as your DS gets older. She doesn't live in the same state as you right?
you probably need to go over the not retracting his foreskin thing with her when they come back to hep when you're teaching again. If she's home alone with DS and diapering I'd be across she'd "forget" the rules set by the pedi and parents. Good luck with the rest of their stay!
Yeah she is intense. I could go on and on about other crazy things she says and does not related to baby. I also forgot to mention that a news story came on TV about PPD and she went on to say that those women are "crazy" and there is "no such thing". Yeah. I wanted to smack her. Thankfully she lives across the country. I couldn't handle her every day. I don't know what I will do this winter when she takes care of him. It's a double edged sword because she really is good with DS, and she has a lot of experience with babies, but she drives me nuts. I am going to have DH go over all the rules with her.
ETA: I don't know why MILs think that just because they are women too that we want to BF in front of them. I don't like BFing in front of anyone but DH. I don't care that "she has them too".
MC 9/8/10
Baby Boy Born 7/31/11
My dad actually does speak it but he learned in high school, my grandparents refused to teach them because of the stigma attached to speaking Spanish in their day. They still have hang ups about it and get mad if we speak any Spanish to the kids because "they need to learn English first".
I think we may have some sort of dual language program here I'll have to look into it, until then I have to just speak in some of my broken Spanglish and beg my dad and grandparents to speak to him in Spanish, lol!
((HUGS))
My mother stayed with us from a week before DD was due until this past week (about 3.5w total) & I had the same issues with the Big BF Show. I actually got so tired that I didn't care about BFing in front of her anymore (but she's my mother, not my MIL, so that's a big difference), but I still felt like my privacy was being invaded & I put my foot down when she & my sister both came into the nursery while I was nursing. I know they're utilitarian objects now, but sheesh!
She also mentioned about 3,000,000 times a day that she thought DD needed to be using a pacifier. The LC + everything I've read said to NOT introduce them until at least 4w if you're BFing to try & avoid nipple confusion, & I really wanted to stick with that if possible (so far, so good!). She never crossed the line & stuck one in DD's mouth, but I swear there were times when my mother said the word "pacifier" that I just wanted to get every one we had & make a big bonfire out of them in protest.
Hang in there & stay strong, lady!!! (And, FWIW, with your MIL's potential, I think this sounds pretty tame so far!)
6/14/10 BFP; 6/30/10 Dx ectopic
11/16/10 BFP #2; DD born 7/26/11
Honestly, she just sounds like a typical grandma to me. It's not unusal for moms or MILs to have an opinion on EVERYTHING baby. And since it sounds like she doesn't get to see her grandson that often, of course she is going to want to be with him 24/7 when she is visiting. I can see how a week of that would get on your nerves, but sometimes you just gotta grin and bear it.