baptism dilemma

cynnnabun · August 2011

So, babygirl is 4 months old. DD1 was 4 months old when we had hers. I just thought of it today. My problem?

I seriously can't afford it. Not even a little bit. We're talking throwing a party for about 50 people. I could MAYBE cut that down to like 30. Maybe? But still. I barely have a dollar to my name, wtf am I supposed to do?

Not to mention I have no one to pick as her godmother. That's an added dilemma.

Part of me wants to just do it with her, me and curt, and DD1. But I know family will be mad when they find out.

Boo.

I don't really have a point her, btw. Just thought of it and realized I'm doomed.

PAmiler82 · August 2011

Why do you *have* to throw a party? IMO, the reason to baptize is a spiritual one so I guess I'm not clear on why not being able to throw a big bash is a problem. Can't you just have the ceremony and that's it? If in your family/region parties are expected then can you just share with folks that it's not in your budget right now? Maybe they will be impressed with your fiscal responsibility. If that's not an option, wait until LO is a little older and you can save some money. Another idea - have a picnic style potluck or some other style party where folks bring food to share. That should keep costs to a minimum. Whatever you decide, I hope your family would understand.

PAmiler82 · August 2011

P.s do you have to pick god parents? DH is a pastor and he's done plenty of baptisms w/o official godparents. If the problem is just the "mother" could you just do a god father or two godfathers? I guess I'm generally a fan of ignoring any "rules" or customs that other people put on us. Do what's right for your family...even if it's a little different than what people expect

katlizabeth · August 2011

I agree with pp. If you really want a baptism, the point is her official welcome as one of God's children. Just do it, invite people if you want, don't throw a party. Or put it off until later, if that's what you feel is best. Or do it by yourself, with your family of four, like you mentioned. Without knowing your situation, I can't speak to the Godmother part, but if you truly have NO ONE, then baptize her without Godparents, or you can be the Godmother, or like pp said, two Godfathers. Ds has two Godfathers, no Godmothers, and dd has two Godfathers, one Godmother. It's just what was best for us and them. It does kind of suck that you can't throw a party, if that's what you did for your other LO, but really, a baptism is about more than that. Good luck!

ambercg33 · August 2011

if she is Catholic, then she has to have someone as a godparent. (it can't be her)

I just have one godparent for Haden, you don't have to have two. it's ok.

Just send the invites saying the time and place of the church...then don't mention anything about a reception. It should never be expected. I would love to see my friends babies get baptized...give them a kiss, and go home.

Next week i'm having Haden baptized. There are only 12 total people coming. I could have made it much more...but i wanted it small and simple. You have every right to do that to. Don't be pressured, because they aren't the ones that will go into debt.

Scout05 · August 2011

We just did the ceremony and a light lunch at an inexpensive place. It wasn't prohibitive.

And there's always the option of just having people over for coffee/cake or some other desserts after church. You certainly don't have to host a huge ordeal, esp. if you limit the guest list to just family.

My family would be more than happy to bake and bring something if we decided to go that route, is that an option?

I feel this way about it - if I invite other people (meaning not family), I need to go to more of an effort to do something impressive. But if I limit the guest list to family, I hope they will be more understanding of financial constraints and be happy with a much smaller gathering.

(That makes it sound like I cheap out on my family, but I just mean I worry less about "proper" and can focus more on "what I can do" when it's family. Because they should be understanding. I certainly don't ask them to financially chip in or anything, but my mom and MIL are happy to bake cookies or something for a party.)

RunningGal900 · August 2011

I agree. Ours is just going to be a light lunch, though of course there will be a lot of people bc of family, so I understand that. I'd suggest getting a cake, brewing some coffee and calling it a day. Anyone who expects more is just rude. Just say when you invite them, please join us for dessert so their expectations are managed.

p1nklemonade · August 2011

we also "had" to throw a party, and then dh lost his job the week before the baptism. after the party was planned, people were invited, and the food had been ordered. it sucked. we would up having to borrow money from his parents. i say go get her baptized, tell your parents which sunday it is, and have a cake at the house. you can say you're planning a big party for sometime in the near future, which you can do if you get the money or you can just keep using the "we're planning one" excuse for as long as it takes for people to forget about it.

lizobss · August 2011

I know exactly how you feel. DD was baptized in July. Being out of work, we have been VERY tight financially. I ordered a cake and everyone that came brought food. They understood, no biggie. Also, DH and I only have sisters, so she has 2 godmothers. We weren't interested in just picking anyone because they were a guy, you know?

neufiesgirl · August 2011

RunningGal900:
I agree. Ours is just going to be a light lunch, though of course there will be a lot of people bc of family, so I understand that. I'd suggest getting a cake, brewing some coffee and calling it a day. Anyone who expects more is just rude. Just say when you invite them, please join us for dessert so their expectations are managed.

this.

neufiesgirl · August 2011

I am not catholic so we don't do baby baptisms but I can relate in the sense that birthday parties for the kids can be financially straining so we often do the cake and coffee thing. Also when my husband got baptized we were a bit tight with our finances so we just invited everyone who was intereseted to join us at a resteraunt we were headed to for dinner and everyone just paid for themselves. It was very casual.

cynnnabun · August 2011

Sorry, I forgot I posted! The godmother dilemma is more of a "why did she pick her and not me?" "oh but she should have picked me" its to the point where i absolutely dont want to pick anyone cause me and DH dont agree and someone is going to get their feelings hurt.

DD1 had a big party, and that's what we do in our family so that's what I'm used to. I'm going to talk to our parents and see how small we could cut it down. There's no friends invited, at all. Just a ton of family. Aunts and Uncles and Cousins and 2nd cousins and so on and so forth. Everyone lives within 20 minutes of eachother in both of our families, so all parties are nuts.

I wish we could just pick godparents and agree. And let the party fall into place. Try and stick to something small, or just dessert like some mentioned. Curt wants his sister, I don't. I wanted my BFF, but we're fighting so she's out. And I don't have a good replacement for his sister. (Ideally, I'd like to pick my brother and soon to be FSIL, but DH wants his friend or someone from his side to represent somewhere.)

Maybe I could talk him into My brother, FSIL, and his friend? And have 2 godfathers? He'd say if we're having 2 godfathers we should include his sister and have 2 godmothers. And I don't have a good arguement there. I might just have to agree with him.

I'm totally talking this out to myself trying to figure it out. sigh.

amyedwards0713 · August 2011

Tell everyone you're going out to lunch after. If they want to come along, they can, and pay their own bills.

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