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Cincinnati Babies
Does his opinion count?
Do you do things to/for/with your child that DH doesn't agree with?
For example, allowing a child to eat or drink something he wouldn't want them to have. I am not talking about permanent things such ear piercing but more transient things.
Why or why not?
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Re: Does his opinion count?
Yes and no. Do I consider his opinion and weigh it out? Yes. Do I pull out the mom card? Yes.
DH is OOT a lot. As in, he's been gone more than he's home since she's been born. He is extremely overprotective. For example, he freaked out when I used a washcloth to wash her face. His mom told him you should use cotton balls (one per eye). I ignored him (it was a clean washcloth), and she lived. So... yes and no.
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Yes.
DH doesn't tend to feel strongly about much, so when he does voice his opinion I tend to listen and respect how he feels. He made a big point to tell his mom and sister that DS should not be getting any juice when he was with them (because they give it to my cousins). I didn't ask him to do it, and didn't even know he cared one way or another. Not that I was encouraging juice drinking, because DS still hasn't had any. But that's one instance that I can think of.
Although, that being said, he is constantly defering to me because he HATES to make decisions, about anything big or small.
I tend to agree with you ladies. I expect DH to share parenting so I respect his desires and wishes about things. And yes, he oftentimes defers to me so when he feels strongly about something I tend to give a lot of weight to his opinion. But then sometimes we just don't see things the same and I think he's making a bigger deal of something than it really is.
Nailpolish. I think it's fine for little girls to wear nailpolish. DH thinks it's trampy and trashy for little girls to wear it and he doesn't want K wearing it until she's at least 10. I think that's nutty. But I am not the type to roll my eyes at him and do what I want. But I do think he's being a bit ridiculous about it.
that is frustrating. You're right it is kind of silly, but I am sure the reasons in his head are strong and it may be hard to convince him. Maybe just going with it and maybe he will ease up as DD gets older and whines enough about i
Hope someone else has had a similar experience. Good Luck
Hmm... I don't think we've had a sticky point like that yet. That said, I'm not sure I'd be willing to do it anyway... there are some things that aren't worth battling.
I do know a lot of little girls that have nailpolish on their toes, etc... I don't have a problem with little girls wearing it, but I do have a problem when an 8 year old gets a regular mani with her mom at the salon. KWIM?
I do agree with the advice you have been given. Since DH is a partner in the child raising, I do feel he has a voice with his opinions on anything pertaining to her. Do I always heed his advice, or go with his opinion? No. But if something we disagree on bothers him to the point of anger, I might look a little closer into the argument to validate his side of the issue, and see where he is coming from. If it causes discord, then I would certainly not do whatever it is that is causing it until we can discuss more. Haircutting, earrings, etc would be a no go if DH disagrees, but temporary stuff is ok in my opinion, but make sure to talk to him about your reason for trying it out, and get him to see your side.
FWIW, B's toenails are blue right now. The only time we ever see it is at bath, bed, or if she is barefoot in the house. I took her to the store and let her choose her nail color because she wanted "color toes like Mommy's". I would not have picked blue, but she is happy. We have done other colors over the summer, too. Get the 60 second dry stuff if you do it, or risk polish all over the place.
Yes, his opinion counts. And I totally agree about letting him make the decisions he feels strongly about, because he so often doesn't care. Luckily we're in agreement about most of those big decisions, though.
However, there are times when I choose to do something he dislikes. He doesn't want Ellie in a two-piece bathing suit, pretty much ever. I have no real desire to put her in a bikini, but with a newly potty-trained 3-year-old, a one-piece suit is majorly inconvenient. So I bought her two tankinis this year, one of which shows a bit of midriff. He hates it and dislikes when she wears it, but honestly, he's not the one dealing with getting her to the potty and I'm not going to waste the suit. So she's worn it.
There also are times when I feel so strongly about something that I have not been willing to compromise with him. He really felt we needed to let Ellie CIO at some point as an infant. However, for the first year of her life, he was working overnight and I was on my own at night. I couldn't stand to listen to her scream when I felt strongly that she needed help soothing herself, and she would scream until she puked if I let her. It felt completely wrong to me, right down to my bones, to let her CIO. So I didn't. That was tough, but I still feel like it was the right decision, and eventually I found a way to help her get to bed on her own without the screaming that felt OK to me (and I say me because, again, I was on my own at bedtime, so I sort of felt like I had the right to pull out my trump card on this issue).
Photo by Melissa Nicole Photography
Childless peanut gallery chiming in: What about a delayed decision? Meaning you both agree to hold off on making a decision until you've gathered more information. Try it out once. Then you can see if you actually like it on your daughter - because you could feel differently about it on your kid than you do on someone elses - and he can see for sure if he thinks it looks trampy on her - or if it's something that will be seen outside your house for that matter. You'd also have a chance to see any behavioral changes it creates in her - such as chewing her nails or being argumentative about what shoes are practical for an outing b/c she wants to wear sandals to show off her toes when gym shoes are better for the activity.
You could also use it as an exercise in grooming education - that's what my mom did. If we wanted to wear nailpolish, we had to be able to clip and file our own nails properly, and couldn't be treating our fingers like snacktime. Made me very conscientious about taking care of my finger & toenails from the start.
I think you'd make a fantastic parent.
Of course. My husband's opinions and feelings count in every aspect of our relationship. Do we always agree? No!
In my opinion, parenting decisions aren't proprietary to the mother.I just asked him, and he says I tend to overrule him on "meaningless things" but when it comes to big decisions, we are a team.
Exactly this. Word for word.
Fantastic point!