Working mom vs. SAHM

mommymeg83 · August 2011

Hi gals,

I know both are hard in their own ways, but right now the grass is SO much greener on the other side. I just need to let this out somewhere...lucky you!

I'm a full time working mom. I have an almost 2 yo & one on the way. I've always dreamed of being a SAHM. But reality is I need to work full time to help support my family.

With #2 on the way I'm REALLY, I mean REALLY struggling with being a bit depressed over the thought that I won't be able to stay home. We struggle financially with me working full time, so there's no way we could just cut back a little & justify me staying home.

I need a hobby. One that pays me lots of money. So I can stay home & soak in my kiddos while they're still kiddos

Sigh...I'm sure other working moms have moments like this too, right?

NicoleD0516 · August 2011

Sending hugs your way! We have our first on the way. Although I haven't been in your position, I'll be there soon! We had initially planned on me staying home. We both loved the idea of it and got used to it. However, we realized that if we ever want out of this house, I'm going to need to go back to work. I really want to be with my little guy once he's here!

It's hard not having a choice. Hopefully things get easier!

kaskade · August 2011

I'm sorry, it can be such a rough decision and economics is a huge part of it. I hope you are able to get where you want to be eventually!

keri1013 · August 2011

I feel your pain! I work four days a week and we are already on a tight budget with me not being full-time, so staying home is not an option. I know it is going to be really hard when I have to leave DD as well. It has gotten easier with DS as he's gotten older, but I still wish I didn't have to work! I just try to make the most of the time I have with them and treasure the day-to-day moments.

MrsKatie · August 2011

I feel your pain (I just spoke about it in the FFFC). It is totally normal. I completely sympathize with you. It is hard and it totally sucks, but in the end we are doing what is best for our LOs.

LauraLynneC · August 2011

I totally feel your pain. I'm 4 weeks into my 10 week maternity leave and I'm in tears thinking about going back. And in our case, I'm not just the main bread winner - I'm the ONLY source of income (my husband inherited the family business 3 years go - it's struggling and would cost hundreds of thousands of dollars to close but makes enough to get by except for dh getting paid right now)

I don't know the solution, I know that I worked with my 2 other kids and don't regret it - but that situation/marrige was WAY DIFFERENT.

good luck

WatchPot · August 2011

I will say that I've never dreamed of being a SAHM, prior to kids I loved the satisifation that my career broght me, our marriage works better when I contribute to the income, and I was happy with my job.

I now hate my current employer, but I do like what I do. I feel like I'm not really doing any of it well: the job, the family, the house. However I am motivated by the dozen women I know in my field who have tried to get back into the field at their prior income, after taking time off to raise their children. The reality of that is sad and depressing to me, that sitting out of the work force means you may have to start over again from an income and experience stand point (at least in my field). The last 3 years have gone by so incredibly fast and because I've shown my company that I'm committed I hope to come back and work 80 hours in 9 days and to have the flexibilty when my son is in sports and school to be there when he needs me. I wonder if I would have taken time off and come back to work when he was school aged if I would have earned that flexibilty yet.

I'm also rewarded by seeing us accompolish our financial goals and that has happened much more quickly than I ever thought it would. We got a late start in life, my DH was in school for 9 years and I supported the 2 of us while he was in grad school and my income was half of what his could have been. So we are just now getting caught up to where a lot of our friends were 5 or so years ago.

Take joy in the small accompolishments and set goals that you think are attainable. If your job/income doesn't support your goals, try to find one that does. Figure out when you can move to the schedule you want, and try saving more/living on less to see how your family adjusts. I believe any goal can be acheived if you set it the right way.

KNemo · August 2011

WatchPot:
I feel like I'm not really doing any of it well: the job, the family, the house.

I feel this way, and I WAH! It's super hard to juggle kiddo, work, and home. However, it's even harder when you are trying to do all of it at once. I cannot tell you the number of times that Max gets parked in front of the TV so that I can meet a deadline. I cannot tell you how disgusting my house gets because I don't have time to keep up on the housework. My busiest times are our messiest times. I feel sorry for my husband, but then again, he gets to leave!

I tried to get a job outside the home, but the fact of the matter is that no one is hiring teachers, especially if you haven't taught in two years. The grass is always greener on the other side, and while it's hard to leave your LO behind so that you can go to work, you have to do what's best for your family. The thought that number two wasn't going to have the first two years at home like his/her big brother ripped my up inside. But I would have done it had I not gotten more contract work. Now, it looks like I will be making the WAH thing work for the foreseeable future, which works best for our family and our situation.

But I get it. It's so hard to make something work when all you want is to be home with your kid. My life would be so much easier if I didn't have to work at all!

breebree13 · August 2011

I'm sorry! I'm on the other side of the fence...I wish I could go back to work. I was just getting starting in my career when I got married and had babies and said no thanks to a promotion two different times. Now I feel like I missed my chance and when I can work again I'll have to start at the bottom all over again. I do love that I get to be home with my kidlets but I'm starting to resent being at home all the time and really miss using my brain. Plus the extra money would be nice! Hang in there you never know what will happen...maybe we will all when the lottery! (I'd have to play though...haha)

jennlin · August 2011

i've always dreamed of being a SAHM...and currently, it looks like that's what we *might* do when the baby is here. h isn't 100% on board because we i make about 90% of what he does, so essentially, we're cutting our income in half. we could get by with just his income, but we wouldn't have the lavish lifestyle we do now (nice electronics, vacations, etc). i'm thinking about going back to work after baby #2 gets to kindergarten, but we'll see what happens.

my MIL "threatened" me that my kids won't go to college because we'll be poor if i become a SAHM.....but my IL's do just fine, both their kids went to college, beautiful house in mukilteo, 4 cars....and she was a SAHM...

even though i know her threat isn't legitimate, it has me worried just a little bit.

BriAndSean · August 2011

I've been there too, hugs! Like you said, the grass is always greener... I've done the working mom gig and the SAHM gig now and I really have found that there is more joy to be had in learning to be content with where you are at, then long to be somewhere different. I found by focusing on getting what I wanted (flexibility and quality time with my kids) within my situation as a full-time working mom, instead of focusing on what I didn't/couldn't have (SAHM), I became so much happier. And as life would have it, I ended up jumping into the SAHM gig sooner than originally expected. It took me a while to adjust to this side also, but I found the solution was the same. Anyway, just wanted to say that I understand how tough it is, and that I hope you find joy where you are at.

keri1013 · August 2011

BriAndSean:
I've been there too, hugs! Like you said, the grass is always greener... I've done the working mom gig and the SAHM gig now and I really have found that there is more joy to be had in learning to be content with where you are at, then long to be somewhere different. I found by focusing on getting what I wanted (flexibility and quality time with my kids) within my situation as a full-time working mom, instead of focusing on what I didn't/couldn't have (SAHM), I became so much happier. And as life would have it, I ended up jumping into the SAHM gig sooner than originally expected. It took me a while to adjust to this side also, but I found the solution was the same. Anyway, just wanted to say that I understand how tough it is, and that I hope you find joy where you are at.

This is so true. I have had reminders recently that life is so short, and I don't want to spend it wishing for something different. I'm so lucky to have a great husband, a house, two kids, and a job in my field that I'm good at. While I wish I could be home full-time, that's not feasible right now, so I am working to be content with the many blessings I do have!

jcyahne · August 2011

BriAndSean:
I really have found that there is more joy to be had in learning to be content with where you are at, then long to be somewhere different.

This really is so true! I am the bread winner in my family. Working is simply not an option for me. There are days when I really love my job, and there are the occasional days where I dread it. But rather than dwelling on the bad, I try to remember the good. I have an awesome daycare arrangement with my MIL. When I need a break I have an internet connection and no kid related interruptions. I can exercise on my lunch break. I get to interact with adults on a daily basis. And best of all I come home to the biggest hugs two little kids can give.

Alli923 · August 2011

keri1013:
BriAndSean:
I've been there too, hugs! Like you said, the grass is always greener... I've done the working mom gig and the SAHM gig now and I really have found that there is more joy to be had in learning to be content with where you are at, then long to be somewhere different. I found by focusing on getting what I wanted (flexibility and quality time with my kids) within my situation as a full-time working mom, instead of focusing on what I didn't/couldn't have (SAHM), I became so much happier. And as life would have it, I ended up jumping into the SAHM gig sooner than originally expected. It took me a while to adjust to this side also, but I found the solution was the same. Anyway, just wanted to say that I understand how tough it is, and that I hope you find joy where you are at.
This is so true. I have had reminders recently that life is so short, and I don't want to spend it wishing for something different. I'm so lucky to have a great husband, a house, two kids, and a job in my field that I'm good at. While I wish I could be home full-time, that's not feasible right now, so I am working to be content with the many blessings I do have!

Definitely this!! I am one that loves having a career and I will readily admit that I would probably suck at being a SAHM and would not enjoy it. However I had a hard time going back to work after Lucy was born and wanted to stay home with her at the time.

But now she is 18 mos. and we recently switched from an in-home daycare that we weren't satisfied with to a nanny-share. She absolutely LOVES it! Our nanny is awesome, she is way more creative and patient than I could ever be and that gives me a tremendous amount happiness and satisfaction. I know Lucy is happy and learning and loves going there everyday.

McJen715 · August 2011

I also have had the same feelings.

I am lucky to have a job that I really do enjoy, and to also have my Mom as our full time day care. But I would still love, love, love to be able to stay at home with M full time myself. I have been unfortunately working a lot of OT since coming back from maternity leave. Since I'm salary so I don't get paid for it, which has been the hardest part for me. I like my job, but I get burnt out working so much, and being away from M so much.

BriAndSean:
I really have found that there is more joy to be had in learning to be content with where you are at, then long to be somewhere different.

I really like what you said here, B! I need to put this in action!

JessieJH · August 2011

I loved 'Watch Pot's' thinking.

DH and I earn about the same. While it might be possible to be a SAHM I just don't feel it's the right choice for us. I grew up in a house full of a lot of financial stress (food stamps at times, bill collectors) and I remember the arguements and stress that it put on the whole family. I know it's not always like that, but it instilled in me a fear of not having a good cushion and safety net.

Unfortunately, in my role I sometimes have to end the employment of some workers. It's always awful, but the worst times are when I know that the person is the single bread winner. It kills me to think that they are going home to tell their spouse that there won't be another paycheck for awhile. I feel like Karma might come back to get me on this front. :-(

On the flip side, we have a friend who loves being a SAHM and they were able to make it financially feasible. She's also managed to work 'just enough' to keep the resume current so that she can jump back in when she is ready.

Overall, i agree that we each need to do what is right for us and to celebrate our accomplishments in whatever scenario we go with. :-)

MissLauraQ · August 2011

I like working alot. I like the quiet calm that my office holds. So I never ever wanted to be a SAHM.

And I'm not good at it. I suck at cooking food (most nights I don't) I suck at cleaning the house (I have a maid service) and although I adore my children, I don't want to be there with them 24/7, so they've both gone to learning centers then preschool. (pay for that too) And my children adore going to school time, they play, have friends, learn and probably eat better then at home too!

BUT if you are the kind of person who finds so much reward in that, then I say, figure out a way to make it work.

There's all sorts of side things moms can do, selling jewelry, to AVON or Mary Kay, etc. Can you slpit the difference with a part time job?

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