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Toddlers: 24 Months+
FFFC (Family drama = soap opera)
I never have a FFFC, but today I do! This is long, sorry.
Backstory: My grandma and mom passed away almost 5 years ago, within a month of each other. My parents' marriage was not a happy one and shortly after my mom died, my dad started dating a 23/24 yr old girl. They got serious and she moved in with him. He lives with my grandpa in my grandparents' house. My dad's brother and his long-time girlfriend also moved in. Well dad's gf and uncle's gf do not get along.at.all. There have been numerous fights, some physical, the cops have been called, etc. This has been going on for 4 years or so now. It almost ruined my wedding, but I digress. Of course according to my dad, his gf is the angel. Well, my uncle's gf is deaf but she called me once on the TTD/TTY and said my dad had hit her during a fight, etc. She was signing too fast for the operator so I'm not sure of the whole story and she did make it clear she didn't want me to say anything to my dad.
So now my grandpa has been diagnosed with Stage 3 bladder cancer. He's having his bladder removed but he's refusing chemo before and after the surgery. He's 81 and with the cancer being so aggressive, I don't think he'll live much longer.
Here's the confession: My dad called me the other night to tell me and my first thought was that I do not want to have to go up there for the funeral and deal with all the drama (they're in NY). I know that's awful. I should be thinking about my grandpa, I know (but there's a backstory there as well). I am just dreading being at that house. Before you tell me to stay somewhere else, trust me I can't. Before we had DS2, MH and I went up there with DS1 and I told my dad we wanted to get a hotel. He FLIPPED OUT on me. As in, completely lost it. He was so angry, so offended, etc. If I tell him it's b/c I don't want to be around the drama, he's going to go nuts on my uncle and his gf and blame them that "his only daughter won't stay at his house b/c of them..." It will just create more drama.
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest!
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Re: FFFC (Family drama = soap opera)
ugh - that sounds like there are soooo many layers of dysfunction at work, I can't even imagine dealing with that.
I'm so sorry - and yeah, I would totally stay at hotel too. Say whatever you need to - you cant' take your kids into that kind of fcukedup situation.
I would want to stay as far away as possible as well. I do not blame you in the least.
Depending on your relationship with your grandfather, is it possible at all to call and tell him how much you care/miss him/etc. but that you really just can't get away right now or will he be really hurt & offended? Will you feel bad?
If you feel like you couldn't be at peace with yourself without seeing your grandfather, can you go up there and blame staying somewhere else on your H? As in- he doesn't like staying at other people's houses, ever, or something along those lines? Lying suuucks, but so does family drama.
Option 3- is there anything even remotely touristy around where your F & GF live that would give you an excuse to stay elsewhere and only make a daytrip to see your grandfather? Like, are they close to Niagara Falls or NYC or Cooperstown (Baseball Museum) or anything at all like that where you can argue that it's easier to stay at a hotel in that town/city so the boys can see the sights and then you would just drive over during the day to see your grandfather?
Go up the day of the funeral...something where you don't have to stay very long. Book a hotel room and don't even say anything until it's time to go bed! And then when your dad says something just say that you thought other family/people would be staying with them...and you can't back out because you would lose $$...