NBR : bff Vent =(

SassyPants150 · August 2011

Anyone feel like the dynamics between certain friends have changed since...getting married...ttc...getting pg...having kids?

My best friend drives me up the wall now. She still lives near where we went to college and works there and still "lives like a college student". She calls to talk about getting trashed and who she is bumping at the time.

She wanted to know when we were founding out the sex so she could plan a big shower for us (she also hosted our big wedding shower). I figured since she hadn't called in a couple of weeks that she was going to ask when we were finding out, what is going on, etc.

Instead, the first thing she says is how she is kicking herself for sleeping with this one guy that she used to like who ended up not wanting a relationship. Then she goes into details about how long it lasted, etc.

Next she goes on to talk about how she's going on a cruise, sorority drama (which since we're graduated, I'm not sure why you would want to continue to stay in the middle of that drama).

She then says...now when is it that we find out that you're definitely having a girl? After I tell her the 22nd is the a/s...she's on to something else about someone else.

It makes me really sad, but I really seem to have nothing in common with her. She's so wrapped up in still living it up that she doesn't even ask me anything about what we have been up to. She spends the whole time talking about who and what she is doing.

Anyone else seem to find that with major life changes your friendships change?

sweetky_06 · August 2011

For better or for worse, as we move and grow through life our friendships will change. I think it's special, but unusual, to maintain that best-friendship with the same person throughout a long period of time. We grow and change and have different priorities.

I've actually found that I've reconnected with friends from high school whom I had lost touch with, because we are in the same phases of our lives now - married, kids, secure in our professional careers. In general at this point, my closest friends are actually at work.

The only close friend I can say has been with me through thick and thin since we were kids is my sister - and I'm not saying it to be cheesy - it's the truth.

shear22 · August 2011

SassyPants150:
Anyone feel like the dynamics between certain friends have changed since...getting married...ttc...getting pg...having kids?
My best friend drives me up the wall now. She still lives near where we went to college and works there and still "lives like a college student". She calls to talk about getting trashed and who she is bumping at the time.
She wanted to know when we were founding out the sex so she could plan a big shower for us (she also hosted our big wedding shower). I figured since she hadn't called in a couple of weeks that she was going to ask when we were finding out, what is going on, etc.
Instead, the first thing she says is how she is kicking herself for sleeping with this one guy that she used to like who ended up not wanting a relationship. Then she goes into details about how long it lasted, etc.
Next she goes on to talk about how she's going on a cruise, sorority drama (which since we're graduated, I'm not sure why you would want to continue to stay in the middle of that drama).
She then says...now when is it that we find out that you're definitely having a girl? After I tell her the 22nd is the a/s...she's on to something else about someone else.
It makes me really sad, but I really seem to have nothing in common with her. She's so wrapped up in still living it up that she doesn't even ask me anything about what we have been up to. She spends the whole time talking about who and what she is doing.
Anyone else seem to find that with major life changes your friendships change?

Woa..you just described my relationship with my bff! She has some major boyfriend, sleeping around, this girl said this/that drama and it's always something new. Since I don't have a whole lot of drama in my own life it can be entertaining occasionally, but sometimes I have things to talk about too ykwim? My other close friends don't ever call me anymore. I get about a once every month text or faceboook post..every since I got married they just space themselves from me, so, I'm trying to find new friends. I'm only 21 and it's just hard finding girls around here my age who are married..baby on the way..same stage in life as I am.

lyonsworth · August 2011

I completely understand.

My best friend has moved to Africa for 9 months- it's obviously an exciting time for her as well. Sometimes the tides of time carry change which is hard to navigate. I've found it helps to really listen to what my friends are sharing about their lives. I try to make a point of offering insightful and thoughtful comments even if I can't always relate. The truth is, as amazing as growing new life is, it's sort of a long and drawn out process that can be boring for others. So I'm putting my trust into the belief that as friends, when it really matters most, they'll step up to the plate.

In the meantime, I have another friend who is due with her second, all we do is talk babies. It's a good outlet that has brought us closer together. I feel less compelled to talk to my other friends about leg cramps and heartburn and learn what has worked for her.

Anyway, I hope your friend remembers in due time that this is a big deal for you. And showing she cares is as easy as asking how it's going, how you're feeling, and how she can help.

christina627 · August 2011

Definately.

My maid-of-honor passed off all her duties to my sister (who I didn't make maid-of-honor bc she doesn't respect me and so I didn't want her to have those duties.) Then we hardly saw each other after the wedding. Then I got pg and even though she KNEW for months in advance when my shower was, she all of a sudden had other plans the week before. It then took her at least 6 months to meet my son. When I got PG we were living about 4 hours aways from each other, but I don't think that should be an excuse bc she was still visiting her family at least twice a month who was in the same area I lived in.

Last year we moved to WY, but I was still coming back to MI regularly for school board meetings and my mom invited her a few times to see us and she would always show up and act super friendly. But I think part of it is that she is "almost engaged". Grr...it makes me want nothing to do with.

SoonToBeMsP · August 2011

Absolutely. I even find that some of my friends that are in similar stages are still not clicking with me anyone. I think it's pretty normal, actually. Sad, though.

perfectoops · August 2011

I had this happen with my old BFF. Throughtout the wedding planning, she started acting different. After the wedding, I slowly backed away from the friendship, and now we are just friends on Facebook. Sometimes a little distance is needed. Life's too short to spend it with people who don't make you feel good.

luckylindy · August 2011

You're not alone. I think it naturally happens when you're at a different place in life. I have a friend who I've known for 10 years, but she's still single, making bad decisions when it comes to men and overall acting like she's still in college. I'm married, own a home, having a baby...basically a responsible adult and there's just nothing we have in common anymore. It's sad, but I've distanced myself because I don't see any point in pretending like our friendship is the same as it was 6 years ago.

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