Not excited to share the news?

Traci09 · August 2011

I had my 12 week OB appointment this week, and everything is going great! We heard the heartbeat, and my next appointment isn't for a month. DH and I are super excited.

I was planning that we would start sharing with friends this weekend, and that I'd officially tell work on Monday, but now I'm feeling weird about it. I'm just used to only sharing anything about this baby or TTC or anything with only DH, now that I'm facing sharing with basically everyone, it's freaking me out. Am I a total weirdo? Will this go away?

It doesn't help that a friend of a friend of mine, we'll call her M, is also pregnant and about as far along as me. The got pregnant in their first month, told everyone before the pee stick was dry, and talk non-stop about it. I didn't really care, and have mostly been ignoring her, but last night a group of us were hanging out, and she got totally weird with my friend talking about morning sickness. Apparently M hasn't had any morning sickness at all, and she seems to believe that it's some kind of accomplishment instead of just luck. It was like she was trying to make our friend feel bad because she had pretty bad m/s when she was pregnant with her DD. Now I'm worried that M is going to turn everything about us being pregnant at the same time into some kind of competition. We're not close with her and her husband, but we're friends with a lot of the same people and see each other at least once a week. Has anyone had to deal with a friend or acquaintance that is competitive about random pregnancy things?

jcath · August 2011

I'm so glad your 12 week appt went well and things look good - that's a big milestone. I think it's perfectly normal to still not feel ready to tell. I waited forever to tell people with this pregnancy and still have not made any sort of public announcement. I invited some of DH's cousins who don't live in town to a baby shower and they didn't even know I was pregnant...oops.

As far as the friend - the only advice is just not to engage with her. She can't really turn it into a competition if you don't compete back but sorry you have to deal with it.

Ya Never Know · August 2011

I have a friend who is, but I've found that just generally not giving in to her competitive remarks is the way to go. Whenever she says something that borders on competitive, I just change the subject.

andrea817 · August 2011

I feel the same way. My 12 week appt is Monday and if everything goes OK I was planning to tell at work. As the date gets closer I really don't want to. I think the IF process has given me a lower tolerance for the stupid comments people always make at pregnant women, like "there must be something in the water here", and the endless pile of advice I'll get from women whose children are older than me. I don't even have a hint of a belly, so I'm thinking I might keep it a secret for as long as I can.

leecrystalwed08 · August 2011

andrea817:
I think the IF process has given me a lower tolerance for the stupid comments people always make at pregnant women, .

**Hit's Nail on head**

1-People will make their pregnancy sound like rainbows and butterflies...this does not mean their pregnancy is any "better" than anyone elses. (Actually, they say the more sick you are they stonger the pregnancy Stick out tongue )

2-I am going to say this and I mean it in the nicest way- I feel waaaay more confident during pregnancy because I worked so damn hard to get here, like I deserve this more than anybody!

3- You tell people when YOU are ready....Congrats, Believe it or not your pregnancy is going to FLY by now! Enjoy!!

Sunshine05 · August 2011

Yep, and I just try not to engage her. My SIL is 4 weeks ahead of me, so everything is "I felt the baby at X weeks" or "I've gained X amount of weight by X weeks"... it got old really fast. I just don't share much with her because of it. As for sharing news, we were very excited to get to announce but I did have a huge feeling of dread that after I shared it something would go wrong.

After we announced, it was like a weight was lifted and I let myself get more excited b/c everyone else was so excited for us. I hope sharing your news turns out to be even better than you think! Good luck!

Traci09 · August 2011

Thanks for the advice ladies! We're going to a party (game night) that M will be attending tonight, and DH and I have devised a couple of strategies to steer clear of her.

I ended up telling someone at work today (I was offered a new position and felt that I should tell them before accepting), and it went really well. I'm starting to get excited about telling more people!

kswifetobe · August 2011

I can relate totally to how you are feeling. We are 12 wks along today and it seems like I am so scared to tell people because if I do then something will happen. The support from my family has not been the greatest, pretty sure they just never know what to say to us so they decide to do the worst thing and say nothing at all during our many tries with IVF. We have had to work so hard on spinning the situation to have a silver lining that I don't know what to do with just plain old happy news. I feel even worse that I feel like those that were not around to support us during our tough times should not have the oppurtunity to celebrate the happy ones. (I know this is super spiteful, mean and exactly what I hate that they have done.)...and I know that I have gotten way off track.

As for the other one that is pregnant, I think that sometimes when you make your big event the main and only focus in your life people may feel a bit distant especially if they too are not pregnant or going through what they are going through. I would even say, gosh I feel like that is all I talk about, then change the subject, like in previous posts, you can't compete without another competitor

FabulousMrs.P · August 2011

Glad that your appointment went well!

I found it really hard to share the news even though we were so excited. It was almost like if I told other people I was afraid it would make it all go away. It kind of freaked me out. But, as hubby said, at that point he felt that the pregnancy was going well and did I want IF to continue to take control of my life or did I want to celebrate this pregnancy in every way that I could?

As for M, just know that she may try to be negative and talk SH$t, but just know that is her lack of confidence talking and ignore her....avoid her if you can. If she has to put others down to feel good about herself, then she must have a pretty bad opinion of herself.

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