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Northern California Babies
legaleagles
member
AW: Harper Rose is here...birth story
legaleagles
member
Harper Rose was born Tuesday august 2 at 9:16 pm. 19 inches and 6 pounds 6 ounces.
The story. Monday as I mentioned on here last week I had my ob appt. Where she membranes. I was a loose 1 and soft and we scheduled induction for Saturday morning. I was crampy all day but not in any pain. Had dinner with the in-laws then all went for a walk. Did two milked and I was having increased cramping and a few contractions. Went up to in-laws hotel to go to the bathroom and have a cookie. Then pop...my water broke and there was no question(so think twice about sitting on hotel furniture in the future ) at 9 pm A biggish gush and then a steady stream. It was bloody so I got a little scared and was going to go straight to kaiser, but we called on the away and said it was fine to stop at home because it was prob from having my membranes stripped. I was having a geek mild contractions but nothing too bad. I got seen in triage and confirmed it was my bag of waters and got admitted to a room by around 11 pm or so.
Contractions picked up some, but not too much and was checked for the first time around 4 am and was only 3 and 80%. First doc said baby had to be out at 24 hours so they would start talking about induction in a few hours. After the shift change I saw the new chief doc who is on the natural birth team and bc I was gbs neg she was okay with just ripening agent and not even starting pit until the 24 hour mark. This was at 9:30 am and by then I was just 4 cm. So she said I should consider a ripening agent to see if it helped me progress. We walked the halls for about 30 minutes and for the past few hours my contractions got shorter and further apart so we decided on one small dose of miso, which I wasnt thrilled about but after 12 hours I needed some progress. Once the miso kicked in contractions got very very string and painful...I had to scream through them. I got on the ball, used the shower, walked, etc for hours. I was checked again at 5 pm so 20 hours later and was only 5. I was in agony. I had been up since 8 am Monday morning and it was now Tuesday evening. I asked about pain meds reluctantly but after 20 hours and only getting to 5 I was feeling really defeated. I decided on the epidural. I very much regret that choice and am really having a hard time coping with my decision.
Anisthesiogist came in by 6 and started the epi. After the first dose I had 4 or 5 contractions and they were the worst I had felt. I was screaming , in tears, asking why the meds weren't working. I got another dose and felt all this pressure in my vagina and what I now know was the urge to push. I just didn't realize it. I screamed and told him again I needed more I could still feel everything. He agreed to one more dose and if it didn't work he'd have to remove it and try another location. I was a mess...apologizing to alex for giving up, blaming myself for not being stronger, etc. the third dose worked and I felt so much better. But I wasn't contracting anymore. I was able to rest my body a bit and one of the docs came to check me at 8 pm while alex ran to the waiting room to get his dinner. By the time he came back the room was full of nurses and equipment bc I was 10 and she was ready to come...just had to wait for some sort of contractions to start pushing. The contractions I'd had earlier was a quick transition from 5-10 in the matter of minutes and the pressure wasm her dropping and me wanting to push but not knowing it. Had alex eat quickly and at 8:15 I had a contraction and started to push. The nurse could see her head with the first lush. Pushed through 2 more contractions and it was time for the doc. I pushed two more times and she was born. I had some hemorrhaging so I needed pit to help control the blood loss and I had a third degree tear that needed a lot of repair. the doc thinks i tore so bad because I was pushing harder than I needed because I was so numb I couldn't tell what I was doing. That recovery has been really hard and painful but a little better each day.
I kept her on my bare chest for about 1 1/2 hours before she was weighed, checked out. We were all surprised how little she was. We got moved to mother baby around 1
Had weight check and bilirubin test (because she was borderline jaundice at discharge) on Friday. She was down to 5 pounds 11 ounces and not getting anything when she nursed. So I pumped there and got 1.25 ounces which alex gave her in the bottle and a plan. 10-15 minutes at the breast, then pump, and feed with bottle or sns. We did 1 ounce of formula during the first rotation while I pumped so we'd always have some pumped milk.
Breast feeding has been really hard. We have to use a nipple shield but have had a few sessions where she latches without it.
I'm worried about ppd already because I cry severalntimes a day. Dint have an appetite. Am exhausted and feel like I'm not connecting withnher the wayndh does...he's a much better father than I am a mother. I have an email in to my ob to talk about it. Nit sure if it's just bAby blues or something more but I just want to feel happier about everything from my birth to breastfeeding.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: AW: Harper Rose is here...birth story
Christian Alexander - 11/13/06
Amelia Rose & Owen Thomas - 3/29/11
Congratulations on the birth of your wonderful little lady. You are an amazing mom and incredibly strong for already realizing that a call to the doc is a good thing, took me waaaaaay longer to be strong enough to make that call.
I know it's impossible, but try your best to realize that you just accomplished an incredibly thing, birthing a baby is hard business and you did a great job, you got her here safe and sound and that is what really matters. No way could you have known that your body was kicking into crazy gear and dilating that quickly, not your fault at all.
With my 2nd I had to EP for 3 weeks and each day I tried to offer the breast but I honestly had given up much hope, then literally one day I offered like always and instead of fighting he just took it and from then on nursed like a champ. I hope you find an easy transition off the shield and if not them ehh, as long you guy are able to establish a good BFing relationship that is all that matters.
My best advice, not that you asked
, do everything you can to get sleep. Especially since you are feeling strong baby blues/PPD ect. If someone is over, don't feel like you have to be social, ask them if you can go take a nap while they watch her and wake you to feed. As soon as DH gets home from work, take a book and go soak in the tub for 20 min. That saved my sanity in those early days. I know it's hard to let go and simply sleep but the lack of it will be harder on your well being than anything else.
big hugs and congrats again mama.
Congratulations!
I'm sorry that you're not feeling good about the birth, it sounds like you did well and made the best decisions for you. The first 10 days (at least!) are really tough, it's good you're keeping the lines of communication open with your Dr.
Huge, huge congrats to you! I absolutely adore her name!
Jsugrin said what I wanted to say perfectly:
Giving birth and the emotions that go along with it is so hard. Don't be too hard on yourself. You are doing the best you can and you are already an amazing mother.
Very well said! I remember feeling awful the first few days after E's birth. I had sent my mom home 1.5 hrs away, only to call her when she got there and beg her to turn around and come back because I was a mess. Things will get better and you are doing a wonderful job! Congratulations on your precious girl.
Congratulations! I love her name. so pretty.
I hope that you're able rest and that things get easier for you. I had a very hard time connecting with Winter and sought counseling, which helped a ton. We also used a nipple shield for several weeks before she was able to latch on her own. SO many women use them, so please don't beat yourself up over that.
The Blog | BirthbyKellyM
Congratulations on Harper's healthy arrival!
I'm obviously not a mom so I won't pretend to offer sage advice beyond suggesting that you not beat yourself up. You've done a great job over many months of getting her into this world safely. You are already a great mom and will learn to be even better in the days ahead. There's no shame in taking care of yourself--a happy, well-rested, and comfortable you is what's best for everyone.
Congratulations again!
Congratulations!
The first two weeks I was an emotional wreck. I had no connection with E and felt defeated about my decision for the epi as well. When everyone asked who I thought she looked like I would say, "Neither, just looks like some random baby". Yea...I actually said that. No connection at all.
The raging of my hormones passed and I feel a lot better now and at 5 weeks pp I am starting to feel really connected. Keep your head up and I'll keep you in my thoughts.
Btw...love the name
Congratulations, Molly! I had a feeling when you had cramping after having your membranes stripped that you'd be on your way soon.
I'm so, so sorry to hear that the transition to motherhood has been a rough one. I can soooo relate. I sobbed multiple times a day after H was born. I can tell you that it got better day by day, week by week for me, but I do think you're smart to seek help/advice right away, especially given your feelings about the epidural. I think you're amazing- that was a rough birth and you came out of it with a healthy girl that you WILL connect with. It doesn't happen immediately for everyone, and you will grow to love her like you can't even believe. It just takes time to happen. Your body is a mess of hormones after birth, and that affects your love for your little one and your thoughts about yourself and your husband.
Congrats, Mama!! You're a rock star!
PM me for our family/baby blog
Haley Beth ~ March 3rd, 2011
Congratulations again Molly. What a gorgeous name.
I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. Anyone in similar circumstances would. It sounds like talking to someone to help you sort out your feelings about the birth would help a lot. I was feeling really sad about DS birth for about two weeks and then when I had my 2 week post cesarean appt my doc and I went over the whole thing and he told me things I didn't know and it really really helped get me over the emotional hump and focus on my baby. I hope your doc can do that for you, without blaming your for pushing too hard or wanting more relief.
And J is right -- SLEEP. And have someone else make sure you are hydrated and fed nutritious food so you can keep making milk. The early days are so hard and it feels never ending but it gets better.
Maybe nap with DD skin to skin for a bit, with an awake person nearby to make sure she's safe?
Sending healing thoughts your way.
Congratulations, M!! LOVE her name!
I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Look, childbirth and the weeks that follow are very often not the puppies and rainbows people make it out to be. Some people have very euphoric experiences and that is fabulous, but plenty of us do not. I would see posts like "WE ARE SO IN LOVE!!!" and I'd think really???? Huh.
I am very open about the fact that I don't have an instant connection with my kids, it takes me time to fall in love. I eventually develop a borderline unhealthy obsession with my kids so I know it's not that I'm a bad mom, maybe I'm just slow. Heh. But, with Travis it was much different, much harder and I was having a terrible time connecting with him and was very depressed in general. I eventually sought help, but my only regret is I didn't do it sooner. There is no reason to suffer. Would I have instantly bonded with him if I sought help sooner? No. But I would have been happier and things would have happened in time.
DD2: February 2014
Congrats!!!
Having a baby was one of the biggest challenges of my life. Labor & Delivery leaves you feeling exhausted beyond belief - Give yourself a big pat on the back for all that youve done already. Youre an amazing mom! Its awesome that your DH is doing a great job too. Just soak it up and take some time to yourself to rest or shower. Dont forget to nap & eat well too. New babies do a number on ones emotional state - and very few people tell you that it will be quite a roller coaster of feelings.
Hooray for baby Harper!!
Sounds like you did an amazing job with your labor and delivery. Being exhausted and in pain with little sleep is HARD! Email me if you want to chat, you can even call me if you want, all the things you said I experienced. I cried and cried the first few weeks.
Definitely eat, you need the food to help with BFing. But, I'm not going to tell you to nap. Yeah, you need sleep and rest. But the first month or so, people telling me to go nap was basically them telling me to go lay down and obsess about my labor and question all the decisions I made. So, I stopped going to nap. I slept on the sofa with the TV on the first 6 weeks of E's life, it was the only way I could fall asleep
Meeting with my OB (multiple times - and actually, she wasn't originally my OB but was the OB who was there the majority of my labor and delivered E, so maybe meeting with the OB who delievered H would help) was one of the best ways for me to work through the labor and the decesions I made.
Anyway, you are now and will continue to be an amazing mom.
~~ married 8.11.07
~~ DD1 1.16.11 ~~ DD2 1.3.14 ~~
~~ BFP3 12.22.15 MMC 2.29.16 @ 13 weeks ~~
~~ 2 D&Cs (3.1.16 and 3.10.16) for MMC
~~ BFP4 10.27.16 MMC 1.23.17 @ 16 weeks ~~ D&E 1.26.17 ~~
(I posted in the other post but re-posting since that one cut off the last part of the OP).
First off, congrats again M!!! I am so happy for you, A, and your little Harper!
Second, I am not a mom so I haven't experienced labor, but I ditto all of the pp. You are a fabulous mother. You are already proactively taking care of yourself, which, in turn is taking care of your daughter. I offer tons of hugs.
Congratulations! I have been waiting to hear about her birth story.
I am sorry you having problems BF.
Again, love the name
I know I already said this but....I am totally in love with the name you chose!!!!
I am so happy for you and your DH to be parents and I hope you are enjoying this time, it goes too fast.
In regards to the birth, you should not feel bad for not doing it the way you thought you would because seriously....carrying and having a baby is hard work and you DID it! You brought your amazingly precious little girl into this world and that is something to be proud of, no matter how she got here.
As for the breastfeeding, it is hard, very hard. One of the hardest thing I ever gave my all at and it sounds like now you are experiencing the engorgement and all that which is an amazing feat so hang in there. I am sure others can give you better advice than I.
Money Matters The other half's blog.
EJ is growing up too fast!
Congratulations! Welcome to the world Harper Rose! (Love her name.)
As many have sad, the entry into motherhood is fraught with emotions and they are all over the place. It is overwhelming in so many ways. I don't think that enough women talk about the negative feelings in the beginning because 'we' think that somehow it means that we don't love our new baby. The fact is that your world was turned upside down. The love you feel is countered with so many other emotions. Those emotions are as real, valid and normal as the love you feel. It is freaking HARD. Through in exhaustion and an overarching feeling of not knowing exactly what you are doing and it can feel even harder.
You can tell from your post how amazing of a mommy you are to your little girl. (hugs) It does get easier.
Congrats!
Thinking of you and sending hugs.