Biting around 14ish months?!?!

fricksgirl · August 2011

Simon has bitten THREE times in the past week at preschool (last Thursday, yesterday, and today). They are re-directing him. tell him firmly "No", biting is not nice, be gentle, etc.

He doesn't bite us but he is a big, huge hitter. He hits like my brother does after he's had a few beers, like a "Hey, bro, I love you, man," slap on the back, like almost a friendly greeting and he laughs and laughs. I've been trying to counter it with saying "gentle, gentle" and giving him a gentle touch, but Alex and him just play pretty rough, never getting hurt but just being boys...

The teachers say that Simon doesn't seem to be biting out of maliciousness- that it seems more territorial. He's biting kids that are where he wants to be (like the top of the slide or the soft play structure... he just climbs up and chomps). Obviously he is too young to be punished in a time out or what not...

Simon is not verbal at ALL so maybe that has something to do with it? He has no words except saying "Mama" for food... he does sign bath, all done, food very consistently, and he follows simple directions, he very obviously understands us... I just think he's a man of few words and he's going to be a late talker.

Today he bit at 9:30 AM and when I picked him yup at 4 he had his binky in his mouth- he ONLY has his binky when he sleeps but the Toddler teacher decided to let him have it ALL DAY to stop him from biting. I was LIVID and I told them absolutely no that was not acceptable. The teachers told me (probably bc I am staff) that the principal told them Simon is to have an individual teacher on his watch now and if he bites under their watch they will "get in trouble". Obviously they need a better strategy than "give him the binky". Any ideas?

I don't want my kid to be "the biter"! Help!! Surprise

secretkeeper321 · August 2011

Hmmmm....I definitely don't have the cure all. We are dealing with hitting in a major way right now too. H bit me for the first time last week...shocked the hell out of me. We still let him have his paci Embarrassed , but the school will give the kids a teething ring to chomp on, maybe that would help?

I wish I had some advice...hang in there...Simon will move through this phase and I know that you'll figure out the best route to work through it. Smile

caseyleigh77 · August 2011

I am here with no advice either. We have been dealing with hitting and throwing toys. Poor Cooper has been beaned in the head with a hard ball a time or two. I dont know what else to do besides tell him No, Be Nice, No Throwing Toys etc. Then again Cooper plays rough with Collin. Like laying on top of him..hence my night the other night when I screamed at the top of my lungs so the neighbors coule hear..."Get off your brothers head!"

Good Luck!

Oy Vey!

KellyMRocks · August 2011

Winter def lashes out when G is in her space. I use the sign for "mad" to give her a better way to express.

SweetieP · August 2011

No advice - Natalie is a hitter too though. Wish I knew how to curb that one.

jsugrin · August 2011

What is his "currency" , what does he really value and what does he really hate? Andrew had a serious biting problem and for him it was something that had to be outgrown ( he started biting with his first teeth and didn't stop until he was close to 2.5, and every once in a great while he will still bite Cooper but it doesn't help that once in awhile Cooper bites him either).

-your family, your rules of course, but we did TO at that age. It went like this.....Andrew would bite, we'd sit him down on the floor, turn out back to him, count to 10, then eventually to 30. Down on our knees, look him directly in the eye and say with sad face " biting hurts", pick up and go about the day.

-There is a book, "Teeth Are not for Biting". I know, I know, it sounds sooo corny right? I tell ya, both my boys loved that book. It was an asked for daily read until about 6 months ago. It helped provide a way to talk about biting in a totally generic way too, so the focus wasn't on "YOU" but just feelings.

-We did a lot of feeling modeling. Are you angry, mad, frustrated ect. Andrew was late talker (scored 10 months at 23 months EI eval) but it payed off in the long run.

-For daycare, I think they need to start some kind of immediate consequence. If he bites he's removed from that situation immediately and placed somewhere else in the room even. So a quick, on his level " you can't play there if you bite" and move him to the book part of the room, either give him a book to read or sit and read with him. (I'm just making up books, but whatever).

-Also, you can provide him an appropriate biting "thing". 2 things that really worked for us were designated stuffed animals and bagels. Part of Andrew's thing was a sensory issue and he needed to chew to really have that pressure, so if other things weren't working I'd offer him a bagel ( having demonstrated how to really chew it up working his jaw). For this the shadow teacher would always have his "chew toy" at the ready and as soon as she sees him getting worked up she intervenes with the instruction to "bite this, let your feelings out on this".

-Of course you can give him all kinds of things to chew on, to bite so it's a matter of finding what works, especially since the teacher will need to be able to stuff it in her pocket or something.

-It's pretty common in a daycare setting to have a teacher shadow a biter for up to 2 weeks to see if they can resolve the situation. Also I know your mad about the binkie but this is really a situation where you have to step back a little, and put yourself in the other parents shoes plus imagine the overall need to day to day harmony. Most daycares have a 3 strikes your out policy with biting so the reality is if you were in a different situation your kid would have just been kicked out of daycare,(in fact you might want to find out what the policy is) make a binkie a little easier to swallow when you realize that huh. Also, if your kid had been bitten 3 times at daycare what would your feelings be? I hate to be the hardass here but you know I love you and those darling little boys so don't shoot the messenger ok Embarrassed

fricksgirl · August 2011

jsugrin:
What is his "currency" , what does he really value and what does he really hate? Andrew had a serious biting problem and for him it was something that had to be outgrown ( he started biting with his first teeth and didn't stop until he was close to 2.5, and every once in a great while he will still bite Cooper but it doesn't help that once in awhile Cooper bites him either).
-your family, your rules of course, but we did TO at that age. It went like this.....Andrew would bite, we'd sit him down on the floor, turn out back to him, count to 10, then eventually to 30. Down on our knees, look him directly in the eye and say with sad face " biting hurts", pick up and go about the day.
-There is a book, "Teeth Are not for Biting". I know, I know, it sounds sooo corny right? I tell ya, both my boys loved that book. It was an asked for daily read until about 6 months ago. It helped provide a way to talk about biting in a totally generic way too, so the focus wasn't on "YOU" but just feelings.
-We did a lot of feeling modeling. Are you angry, mad, frustrated ect. Andrew was late talker (scored 10 months at 23 months EI eval) but it payed off in the long run.
-For daycare, I think they need to start some kind of immediate consequence. If he bites he's removed from that situation immediately and placed somewhere else in the room even. So a quick, on his level " you can't play there if you bite" and move him to the book part of the room, either give him a book to read or sit and read with him. (I'm just making up books, but whatever).
-Also, you can provide him an appropriate biting "thing". 2 things that really worked for us were designated stuffed animals and bagels. Part of Andrew's thing was a sensory issue and he needed to chew to really have that pressure, so if other things weren't working I'd offer him a bagel ( having demonstrated how to really chew it up working his jaw). For this the shadow teacher would always have his "chew toy" at the ready and as soon as she sees him getting worked up she intervenes with the instruction to "bite this, let your feelings out on this".
-Of course you can give him all kinds of things to chew on, to bite so it's a matter of finding what works, especially since the teacher will need to be able to stuff it in her pocket or something.
-It's pretty common in a daycare setting to have a teacher shadow a biter for up to 2 weeks to see if they can resolve the situation. Also I know your mad about the binkie but this is really a situation where you have to step back a little, and put yourself in the other parents shoes plus imagine the overall need to day to day harmony. Most daycares have a 3 strikes your out policy with biting so the reality is if you were in a different situation your kid would have just been kicked out of daycare,(in fact you might want to find out what the policy is) make a binkie a little easier to swallow when you realize that huh. Also, if your kid had been bitten 3 times at daycare what would your feelings be? I hate to be the hardass here but you know I love you and those darling little boys so don't shoot the messenger ok

I'd never shoot you, jsugrin, I just love ya too much.

He didn't bite today but he GOT bitten. I told the teachers karma's a b!tch.

Devil

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