how are your friendships?

Re: how are your friendships?

• kare81bear

  August 2011

  I've had some friendships like the one you describe that I have had to let go.  I SAH so I can generally make myself available whenever and I've had a few friends who do the "We should get together soon" and we make plans and they flake out.  I figure if it is a one-way friendship then I need to walk away for my sanity, and if the friendship means something to the other person too then they'll make an effort.   

  Sometimes you just end up on different pages for a while.  My best friend (since jr high) and I went through a stage in our early 20s where we didn't talk for a few years because she couldn't understand why I worked all the time and I couldn't understand why she got married and had kids so early.  When we ended up in the same phase of life again we were able to pick up our friendship right where we left off and laugh at our younger selves.

   

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• hackett member

  August 2011

  I don't have a lot of friends, but the few I do have also have small children so we don't do a lot very often. I have more flaky family members than I do friends. Funny how that works, right? My father has seen his grandson a total of four times in the four months that he's been here. He only lives 45 minutes from me and when we talk (usually text message conversations) he gives the infamous "Come see me sometime" and I reply the usual "you're the one who has a schedule, I'm a stay at home mom, so you tell me when to come out" and nothing ever gets done. Anyone that wants to see you/baby will make it a point to see that it happens. 

  

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• hispenguin member

  August 2011

  I have a couple friends that this same thing has happened. One friend I was super close with, but she had a habit of ditching her friends for her b/f's. She pretty much ditched everyone when she started dating her now DH. She's mentioned a few times how much she's missed our friendship, blah, blah, but I never hear from her. The last time I saw her I was 35wks pg

  My other friend is one of my closest friends. She's always been a SAHM, and I've always worked. I am always the one that has to get in contact with her. Even now when her DD is in daycare a couple times a week (she's still home) and I have a baby, and working, I still have to contact her and arrange things. She's very passive aggressive though, she will moan and complain that we never talk, never go out, but she'll never pick up the phone or e-mail me.

  It's gotten to the point with all of my friends, that the people that make the effort to try and get together and make contact sometimes, I make that effort too, if they can't ever be bothered to call, then I guess the friendship isn't that important!

  
  

  Diagnosed with PCOS March '10 - Started 1000mg of Metformin
  After 3 unsuccessful Clomid cycles, FSH+Ovidril+IUI+Progesterone=BFP!
  

  Time to make Emilie a big sister!

  May '16 2.0: Letrozole+FSH+Menopur+Ovidril+IUI+Progesterone=BFP! first beta-45.44, second beta-148

  

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• skio member

  August 2011

  I hear ya. Let me take a deep breath in preparation for my own vent...

  I'm the first of all my friends - both HS and college groups - to have kids. And it's not like I'm very young; I'm 29. But I only have two friends that are married. Three others in relationships. And about five who I consider good friends but are still living the single life, so are nowhere near having kids. My problem in my friendships is that no one quite understands how hard it is to do things with an infant. And it's not like I expect them to, really...I try to be understanding of the fact that you never really know what something is like until you do it yourself. But, for example, I was trying to get together with my group of college girlfriends (six of us), who are all scattered around the state, me being the furthest north. I'm probably about a two-hour car ride from the furthest friend. So, I suggested we meet at a place that was about a 45-minute ride from me, which would've meant a little over an hour for the furthest girlfriend, but it was shot down because it was too far. Someone else suggested Manhattan, which is sort of in the middle, and we all agreed. For some of the girls, Manhattan means a 15-minute subway ride. For others, it means driving to the train station and riding the train for an hour. For me, it means preparing bottles/diaper bag/toys/extra clothes etc., driving to the train station, lugging the carseat/stroller to the platform & taking a couple elevators, riding in an uncomfortable handicap seat that fits the stroller or standing for 75 minutes, repeat the elevators in Grand Central, walk however far it may be to our destination because I can't take a cab or subway with the stroller by myself, deal with a possibly cranky/squirmy baby for the length of the get-together, trying to find a decent place to change diapers, and then do it all over again on the way home. I did it, though. Left at 11:30am, met for a 2-hour lunch, changed DD's entire outfit on a back booth in the restaurant because she pooped all over herself and they didn't have a changing table, grabbed a coffee, ran to catch a train by half a second and got home at 6:30pm. A 7-hour day for two hours with my friends.
  

  So. It's so much that friends aren't following through on getting together for me, it's that they are not at all in touch with the trials of motherhood and have no apparent interest in making get-togethers easy on me. Ohhh well, that's what I get for having kids first, I suppose!
  

  

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• sweetpea2718

  August 2011

  Skio, I am also the first of my HS and college friends to have a baby.  Luckily, DS is 3 years older than I am so we do have some friends with babies (or on the way).  As for  my close friends, for the most part, I've had to suggest meeting up earlier and they've obliged mostly because they want to make sure they can see DS.  It's just one particular friend who always tries to make plans and no matter how many times I've said "DS is a monster after 7 PM, so if you want to come over, try for 5 or 6" still continues to "accidentally" work til 8 because her job is apparently really important and she goes on and on about that.  I'm sorry, but I still make time for people and have a husband, child, and job to balance! Of course, her demanding job must be more important than mine as a mother and teacher.  

  

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