May 2011 Moms

Doesn't like Dad much

So I know he doesn't have the boobs, but for heaven's sake, he doesn't even give him a shot! Even when he is fed, changed and happy, he only will let Dad hold him for a few minutes if at all before a huge crying fit. Which he promptly resolves as soon Dad passes him back. I do not rush over to rescue him, Dad tries for a really long time everything he can, but anyone only has so much patience for a baby who is literally screaming right in his ear. He'll bring him back (I try to step out of the room), then I'll try to just comfort him while Dad is still holding him, but eventually (and I really mean like, at least 10-15 minutes) he'll hand him back, and he calms down almost immediately. 

So while this is sort of flattering, its understandably frustrating for my hubby. We've had a really rough start but things are finally settling down a bit. Things are more frustrating for him than me, and I know that a part of the problem is that he doesn't have much patience because of everything going on. However, the baby doesn't even give him a few minutes to try! I don't know what it is because at other times, like, first thing in the morning or when DH comes home from work and talks to the baby, DS just eats it up. Smiling, laughing, cooing back to him, like he's been waiting for his dad all day. 

Is there anything else I can do or try to "encourage" DS to be calmed by his dad? I've been just trying to keep Dad calm while the baby cries but man, its tiring. Is this happening to anyone else?  

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Re: Doesn't like Dad much

  • DS isn't quite as extreme as yours, but we are in a similar situation. DS will only let me rock him to sleep. And this is a new development. Last night on 2 occasions, DH was trying to rock DS to sleep and he screamed for 10 mins. I finally came in and asked DH did he need a break, and as soon as I had DS, he stopped crying and went to sleep within a few minutes.

    I have no solution for you, but I hope things get better very soon!

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  • We have the exact same problem and Im worried that DH will give up trying to soothe LO when he cries. Not that DH doesn't want to be close with LO but he gets so frustrated that he just ends up giving LO back to me.  When DH is trying to soothe LO I tell him things like "try bouncing him' or 'hold him this way' and DH responds with "I already did that" and Im sure LO can pick up on the stress in DH's voice. 

    I hope its just a phase and LO will want to be with his daddy soon. 

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  • I have the same issue which is only getting worse.  DH got sick the first week home and spent a week in the hospital, when he came home he was weak and couldn't do much to help out.  I thought maybe she just didn't get to bond with him as much so I began pumping so he could feed her.  I leave her alone with him downstairs so they can "hang out".  She is ok for a few minutes but then freaks out, he gets frustrated and then I have to go downstairs for the both of them. 

    I have started training DH to be calmer around her, get a feel for her mood, and adjust how he holds her. It is working a little bit, and he is holding her more often.  Since he is calmer, she sees calmer and will stay with him longer.

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  • We are having the same problem.  i would love to hear any suggestions.
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  • Try to wear DH's 'dirty' t-shirts to get your baby used to his smell maybe? Or wear a clean t-shirt of his to get your scent on it and then switch?
  • We went through the same thing and it lasted about 2 weeks after my husband went back to work and just about killed him.  We tried everything -- I tried pumping and letting dad feed him, I wore one of his shirts all day so it would smell like me and had him put it on when he got home. Finally, we figured out that DS really loves bathtime, so that became a daddy thing and I stayed downstairs while my hubby did bathtime.  It eventually just faded and now he loves his daddy, although you can still tell he would prefer mamma most of the time.  Hang in there -- I told my DH "in a few years, mom's not going to be 'cool' and you and he will be best buds forever, so let me just enjoy my short time while I can"
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  • imagekdelynko:
    We went through the same thing and it lasted about 2 weeks after my husband went back to work and just about killed him.  We tried everything -- I tried pumping and letting dad feed him, I wore one of his shirts all day so it would smell like me and had him put it on when he got home. Finally, we figured out that DS really loves bathtime, so that became a daddy thing and I stayed downstairs while my hubby did bathtime.  It eventually just faded and now he loves his daddy, although you can still tell he would prefer mamma most of the time.  Hang in there -- I told my DH "in a few years, mom's not going to be 'cool' and you and he will be best buds forever, so let me just enjoy my short time while I can"

     

    Sorry that first sentence sounds like I about killed my kid -- I meant it just about killed my husband. :)

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