So is our parents advice completely worthless?

shortstuff15 · August 2011

I was just reading a post in September 2011 about SIDS and back to sleep and whether front or back is right and blah, blah, blah.... and of course some people said that "our parents put us to sleep on our stomachs and we are fine" to which others said "that's the worst argument ever because they didn't use carseats either and would you not use a carseat now?"

Now I fully understand that carseats are more safe and back to sleep is more safe, but in my mind just because our parents did it doesn't make it null and void! Life was different back then. People didn't drive as often or as fast and there wasn't even carseat options so what were they supposed to do? But in other areas, our parents have GREAT wisdom. They have experience that we don't and can offer us a lot of advice!

For example: my daughter refuses to drink whole milk. She will not drink it. That is the recommended type of milk for 1 to 2 year olds. She will however drink 2% and 1% like it's going out of style! And so I switched her to 2% at 18 months because in my opinion that's ultimately better for her then no milk! And today my mom mentioned that "in the old days" there wasn't these recommendations... and I wouldn't say that kids were dying because they drank 2% instead of whole! So we learn from our parents... it's not going to hurt our children if we don't follow the recommendations to a tee.

That's a weak example, but I think that just because our parents raised us in a different time doesn't mean that their experience is worthless. We just have to be smart enough to recognize bad advice (don't use a carseat) from good advice (giving your child 2% isn't going to kill them).

ronnie day · August 2011

K, my two cents...

yea we might be ok since our parents did things different, however the rate of SIDS was WAY higher back then. All studies show that back sleeping is better for babies now. Period.

I mean our parents fed us solids at like 2 months and put rice cereal in our bottles at three days old. ALL of these things have been proven to be terrible for babies.

I don't think that all of our parents advice is worth nothing, but honestly, I don't listen to them over what's recommended by educated doctors.

kcvasquez · August 2011

I've spent a lot of time dwelling on this very subject and this is the conclusion I have come to: Our parents did what was best for us at that time. Did we survive? Yes, we did. However some children did not. Example: Drop side cribs. We have learned from past mistakes. Now we have the knowledge they had to raise us plus some! Back to sleep has shown through numerous studies to lower the risk of SIDS, since SIDS was so new (not new in it happening but new in research) when we were born there was not a lot of good information on how to help prevent it.

Just think of the things we do that 25 years from now our children will be told is no longer safe! Will our children survive? More than likely yes, but things are always and will always be changing. Some for the better, others we'll really question. I try to follow my parents actual parenting/discipline techniques because they raised four great children and that to me is important along with safety. I think it's a mixture of common sense and taking cues from our parents when needed but there is no way I am going to put my son in the car seat my mom brought me from home in the hospital! I wouldn't trust a doll in that thing! And you're right, 2% milk is better than no milk at all!

shortstuff15 · August 2011

kcvasquez:

I've spent a lot of time dwelling on this very subject and this is the conclusion I have come to: Our parents did what was best for us at that time. Did we survive? Yes, we did. However some children did not. Example: Drop side cribs. We have learned from past mistakes. Now we have the knowledge they had to raise us plus some! Back to sleep has shown through numerous studies to lower the risk of SIDS, since SIDS was so new (not new in it happening but new in research) when we were born there was not a lot of good information on how to help prevent it.

Just think of the things we do that 25 years from now our children will be told is no longer safe! Will our children survive? More than likely yes, but things are always and will always be changing. Some for the better, others we'll really question. I try to follow my parents actual parenting/discipline techniques because they raised four great children and that to me is important along with safety. I think it's a mixture of common sense and taking cues from our parents when needed but there is no way I am going to put my son in the car seat my mom brought me from home in the hospital! I wouldn't trust a doll in that thing! And you're right, 2% milk is better than no milk at all!

You said it much better then I did.... thanks for understanding what kind of tone I was going after!

kcvasquez · August 2011

After I posted I went to facebook and one of my friends had this link posted to her wall! It's just what we're talking about, except pretty funny!

https://www.blogher.com/why-our-parents-put-us-shame

TheDuckis · August 2011

My mother has a parenting book that was originally published in 1976, and I love it. It says a good alternative if you don't have a carseat is to put padding in the bottom of a dresser drawer and wedge it between the front and back seats. (note: my parents did not do this.)

It also said you could prevent ppd by fixing your makeup and putting a bow in your hair within a few hours of birth.

It was just a simpler time. I really don't think our parents did anything wrong, we just have the benefit of a lot more knowledge now.

That said, my parents still have the drop-side crib that the 5 of us slept in. Provided we can get a mattress that fits snugly and the crib is assembled properly I have no problem with using it when we visit.

Free2Sing · August 2011

No, I don't feel our parents advice is worthless. It's a balance of what we feel is new knowledge, versus common sense. Pretty much- I agree with the whole 2% milk thing-- better to drink it than to not have it at all!

Not sure which article you were reading about SIDS, but I read one the other day that made a lot of sense. Basically, it was from the point of view of someone who has investigated 1,000s of SIDS deaths (it was her job- in Michigan, I believe) and the conclusion she usually came to was that it was actually a suffocation related death. Only 2 or so out of 1,000 were unexplained. If you can find the article (maybe it was the same one you read!), it's very insightful & makes a lot of sense. It also calmed my fears about things since SIDS always felt like this enigma.

DEBBIE33CASEY · August 2011

ronnie day:

K, my two cents...

yea we might be ok since our parents did things different, however the rate of SIDS was WAY higher back then. All studies show that back sleeping is better for babies now. Period.

I mean our parents fed us solids at like 2 months and put rice cereal in our bottles at three days old. ALL of these things have been proven to be terrible for babies.

I don't think that all of our parents advice is worth nothing, but honestly, I don't listen to them over what's recommended by educated doctors.

this exactly. I value what my mom says b/c she says it out of care/concern/love but most of her "advice" has been devalued by my research or what my pedi says. So with that said I tell her I appreciate it and I listen to what she has to say. But I do my own research before acting on anything she says.

Now MIL I throw her advice completely out the window but she smoked while preg with DH, etc. so her advice is poop to me

pcrock92 · August 2011

kcvasquez:

After I posted I went to facebook and one of my friends had this link posted to her wall! It's just what we're talking about, except pretty funny!

https://www.blogher.com/why-our-parents-put-us-shame

Yes

Annya26 · August 2011

TheDuckis:
My mother has a parenting book that was originally published in 1976, and I love it. It says a good alternative if you don't have a carseat is to put padding in the bottom of a dresser drawer and wedge it between the front and back seats. (note: my parents did not do this.)
It also said you could prevent ppd by fixing your makeup and putting a bow in your hair within a few hours of birth.
It was just a simpler time. I really don't think our parents did anything wrong, we just have the benefit of a lot more knowledge now.
That said, my parents still have the drop-side crib that the 5 of us slept in. Provided we can get a mattress that fits snugly and the crib is assembled properly I have no problem with using it when we visit.

Oh my! I want that book, sounds like it would be GREAT for a laugh on a rainy day :P

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