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Adoption
Question for and/or about Birthmoms
in a recent post the issue of giving gifts to birth moms was brought up. we are not yet matched, but our consultant has encouraged us to do so - both when/if we meet and at birth. would anyone be willing to chime in with thoughts on this?
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Re: Question for and/or about Birthmoms
It all depends on the laws in the state that you match in. In some states it is illegal to give any kind of gift before TPR is signed.
We asked the social worker at the agency we matched with and she gave us the go ahead for giving Luke's BMom a small gift when we were matched. We gave her a necklace with 3 peas in a pod. One for her, one for us and one for Luke. I got a matching one.
When Luke was born, we brought her flowers, some pajamas that she could wear in the hospital and some magazines to keep her busy during her recovery. We also gave her a photo album and when we were giving her time with Luke in the hospital, we ran to the walgreens across the street and printed the pictures from that day and gave them to her. She doesn't own a camera and was so happy to have the pictures.
When we met our dd's birthmom, we took along a scrapbook I had made for her and some cookies.
When she had dd, we took flowers and a small bag of things (magazines, slippers, etc.) to the hospital. I think $40 was our limit per our agency.
After tpr was signed and just before Christmas, we sent her a necklace with 3 hearts.
We have an open adoption and send gifts to dd's birthmom every now and then - holidays and birthdays. We also send her flowers (her favorite kind) on dd's birthday so that she knows we're thinking of her.
We were encouraged to bring a gift for DD's BM when we met her. DD had already been born so it was a bit different from a pre-birth match. Our SW just said something small. We only had a couple of hours to get our act together, so we brought her flowers.
The day we took DD home from the hospital, her BM gave *us* a present, which was so unexpected and so amazingly sweet.
Since then we've exchanged gifts at Christmas and we've gotten her a birthday present each year. We sent her flowers for Birthmother's Day
I think the gifts that were mentioned by previous posters like the memory jewelry and handmade memorial gifts sound beautiful. That's something special and thoughtful and doesnt feel like someone is being "bought". It seems like a genuine, true meaningful gift.
If a Bmom is in desperate financial trouble, I can understand the adoptive parents coming in and helping with medical costs, AFTER that baby has been placed.
I did not like the gift cards that were given to me for maternity clothes (even though it was generous) because it felt like the agency was trying to get me to commit because I felt an obligation towards the adoptive parents.