Fertile PG Announcement Vent

patchen30 · August 2011

I hesitate to vent about this b/c I don't want it to seem like I'm not SO GRATEFUL to have gotten as far as we have w/ this pg. B/c I am. But, like all of you, I'm still scared and nervous every day so something like this just kind of rubs me the wrong way...

Friends of ours got pg with their 1st baby 4 years ago. The wife complained that she was "mad" that it happened so quickly (1 month) b/c she wasn't ready, and was so annoyed she couldn't ski that winter, etc. Since having the baby she's one of those parents who is uber cutesy about the whole thing which after my experience w/ IF is just something that irritates me.

Recently they started trying for #2, and, at age 37, she got KU right away again, no prob at all. She sent out a mass email about it being super super cutesy.

I think what bothers me is how she seems to have absolutely no worries, no hesitations, etc., and just expects that everything will be smooth sailing and she'll deliver a healthy baby at her due date. Part of me rolls my eyes at her naivete and part of me is jealous of it.

Anyone else feel like this? I haven't even said anything to DH b/c I don't want to complain, but I figured you ladies would understand.

Echloe · August 2011

I totally get how you feel. I don't know if it will ever ever go away. It isn't fair that some people can be so carefree and get pregnant so easily when we have to suffer through IVF and drugs and such and then worry the entire pregnancy. But I guess that is life.

agran · August 2011

I'm a lurker but had to respond to your post. I've had some of the exact feelings as you. People who are due months after me are posting on facebook and I am still too nervous to even mention the PG to those closest to me. I think having to do IVF has definitely changed my trust that everything will be okay. I used to trust I'd get pregnant and that didn't happen. So why would this baby be just fine? It's sad not to have the naivete but it's nice we have the battle scars that make us stronger and hopefully more appreciative loving parents.

pink100 · August 2011

I have lots of bite marks on my tongue thanks to people like this. Sometimes I feel (and this may be flameworthy) that fertiles don't appreciate their pregnancy as much as IFers. There, I said it.

jcath · August 2011

I understand why it bothers you and I think it's okay and normal to feel that way but on the flip side I understand that people who have never experienced IF and pregnancy loss...just don't understand it. I just think it's impossible for them to know unless they've walked our path. So I try to not to judge person too harshly while still giving myself room to be a little annoyed...and maybe a little jealous. I really can't fathom getting a positive HPT and assuming you are ending up with a baby but it's wonderful that some people can and do.

mikeandangie · August 2011

I can completely relate to that. I still worry on a daily basis, and I guess it's normal, some sort of IF PTSD. Heck, I still haven't announced my pregnancy on FB.But, like jcath said, had I not gone through IF, then failed IVFs, I would've probably stayed naive about what could go wrong and happily announced at 8 weeks pregnant.

kthappy76 · August 2011

I also find sickeningly naive people annoying. But I also figure it's just because they've been lucky enough to not have real hardship in their lives, yet. But sadly it happens to everyone eventually, either it's your fertility, baby, health, or your marriage, etc. And while I wouldn't wish ill on anyone, I'm glad I've been tested and know I can hold my *** together no matter what happens. Not everyone is so lucky, something goes wrong with their perfect life and everything falls apart.

amor_eterno · August 2011

I know exactly how you feel. I think it's just so hard to get over how IF has robbed us of our peace of mind and trust over our bodies. I agree with PP, I do feel that fertiles just don't appreciate their pregnancies as much because they simply don't know what it's like to struggle to achieve it. I do get that it's not the most PC thing to say. :-/

WhiteGarden · August 2011

kthappy76:

I also find sickeningly naive people annoying. But I also figure it's just because they've been lucky enough to not have real hardship in their lives, yet. But sadly it happens to everyone eventually, either it's your fertility, baby, health, or your marriage, etc. And while I wouldn't wish ill on anyone, I'm glad I've been tested and know I can hold my *** together no matter what happens. Not everyone is so lucky, something goes wrong with their perfect life and everything falls apart.

I feel this way, exactly. I couldn't have expressed it better.

I also have a little bit of a hard time being around pregnant women/ new mothers who have not gone through IF. I haven't really told anyone about my pregnancy yet and I think it will get harder, when I do. In my view, most non-IF women view pregnancy as mostly about decorating the nursery and buying cute baby things, and comparing notes about m/s and stretch marks. To me, those things are a part of it, but a small part. With those who've dealt with IF, there is an underlying feeling that pregnancy is a precious gift that could be taken away at any minute. It just makes me a little more serious, and a little less dramatic too, I think, than a "normal" pregnant woman.

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