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Toddlers: 24 Months+
mavs_girl07
member
Daycare- would this bother you?
mavs_girl07
member
This is actually a concern about DS's daycare, not DD's. DS is almost 8mos old and has been staying at an in-home DCP since April. She's great. She takes great care of him, is very sweet, and DS loves her. When we signed him up, she had us sign a consent with a list of 4 people and it basically said we agreed to allow these people to watch DS if she ever needed someone to fill in for her. On this list were her sister, her husband, her mother, and her grandmother. We signed it, assuming that these people would only be used when absolutely necessary (if she was sick, had a dr's appt, etc). Fast forward to a few weeks ago when her 84 year old grandmother comes to visit from Spain. She is here for almost 2mos and helps her out with the kids during the day. She's a very sweet old woman and is sweet to the kids, so fine. Well today I show up to pick DS up, and the DCP is nowhere to be found. She left DS and the other babies (another 7mo girl and a 9mo old girl, so 3 infants total) in the care of this 84yr old woman. I was very bothered by it, and DH absolutely flipped when I told him. Three infants who are just learning to crawl and pull-up...that sounds like a lot for an elderly woman to handle, no? Is it just us, or would this bother you too?
ETA: Part of the reason I'm bothered is because of her age. She's very old and has a hard time getting around. What if something happened to one of the babies, would she know what to do or have a quick enough reaction time? What if, heaven forbid, something happened to her? The other reason I'm bothered is because this happens frequently where someone else is filling in for her, and she doesn't even tell us. I'd like to at least know if someone else is going to be taking care of my child. I get that I agreed to them watching him, but I think we should at minimum get a text or something saying "Hey I have a hair appt, so my husband will be with the kids this afternoon, FYI." Just a head's up would be nice so I know who is taking care of my baby.
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Re: Daycare- would this bother you?
It would bother me...
If you are paying someone to watch your child, that is the person who should be caring for your child and no-one else... but I'm not a very trusting person...so base that on me!!!
There is a DCP on the street behind me and she leaves the kids in the house with her 14yrold and goes to the grocery store, or leaves them and goes outside to visit with the neighbors...IMHO you should be doing your job and your job is watching those kids...
Your DCP is liable if something were to happen to your son in her care...I would DEF. address this, maybe privately at pickup time next time you see her...but in a way that doesn't sound like you are calling CPS...
That's pretty much exactly what I told DH. We pay her to watch DS, it's her job. You don't just leave your job to go get your hair done, go grocery shopping, go get your passport photo taken (all things I know she's done while someone else watched the babies),
The age factor would definitely bother me. When DD was 8 months old we passed over a childcare provider who was in her 80's for that exact reason. She was making jokes about the last time she broke her hip! There was no way I was sending her there!
Maybe you should ask your regular DCP if that will be a regular thing?
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Yeah I would def. say something, but that's me...
I guess it depends on how well you like the DCP over-all...is this just 1 of 10 things or is this just the 1 thing that bothers you about her.
If it's the 1 thing...address it, nip it in the bud now...though if you didn't see the DCP today for her to explain...maybe it was an emergency?
If it's 1 of 10 things...find a new DCP... for me this would be the straw that broke the camels back!!!
We really do like her over-all. She just seems to be very lax about who is around the kids/who takes care of the kids and that bothers me. It seems like her house is that "neighborhood" house where all the kids like to come hang out after school. So it's not uncommon for me to walk in and find 3-4 10yr olds hovering around and holding the babies. It's really just this one issue, but it bothers me a lot. DH is doing drop-off tomorrow, so he's going to talk to her about it since he's better about confrontation than I am.
My parents are in their 70s. It is only now, that DD is 3, that I feel even remotely comfortable with her spending any long periods of time with them. They just don't have the reaction time I deem necessary to keep a crawling baby or toddler from crazy danger or the physical stamina to pick up babies repeatedly. There's no way I would think an 84-year-old could handle THREE babies on her own.
Definitely talk to your DCP.
It would definitely bother me that an 84 yr old woman was in charge of that many young babies. 84 is pretty old - what if she fell and broke a hip? What if she had a "senior moment" and forgot to do (or not do) something involving the children? As a pp said, I would be concerned too about her reaction time at that age. I sound like a jerk I realize, but that just wouldn't fly with me.
I'd be pissed! I don't think it's appropriate at all for an 84 year old relative of your DCP to watch 1, let alone 3 infants. I'd maybe let DH's grandma who is 86 watch DD for 5 minutes to run to the corner store, but not to go run errands!
She sounds irresponsible. I get if your in a bind and something comes up last minute and someone else needs to watch LO for a bit, fine...but not an 84 year old elderly person. I'd definitely discuss this with her and see if you could work things out, or I'd find a new DCP.
I'd be worried that an 84 yo was watching 3 babies alone, in a foreign country to her. What if something happened and she needed to call 911?
Unless there was a dire emergency, I'm not sure why the DCP would leave the kids alone with her grandmother.
Did you talk to the DCP about it? I mean where was she ? I don't have a problem with her running out to get the mail or using the restroom or something like that and leaving the 84 grandmother there.. but I would definitely have a problem with her leaving for hours or whatever and leaving my infant in the care of her 84 yr old granmother. I totally agree with you. I would talk to her about it. DH would totally flip out on our DCP if that were the case.
We use an in home DCP for DS as well and he's been there since he was about 3 months old. He's 2.5 now. The only people who watch the kids when she isn't there are people that she has on staff. Her mother does occassionally help out but she's never there alone with the kids.. there's always another staff member there.
This would bother me. I now have a feeling that there's always more going on "behind the scenes" than what you see. If she thinks it's OK for an 84 year old to watch them, what is she doing when no one is paying attention? And I don't think it's OK to do errands when you're supposed to be watching the kids!!! This is her job!!!
The problem is, you signed a paper saying it was ok for her grandmother to watch your son. It's not her fault you didn't ask any further questions. I'm not saying the current situation is safe or ideal, but how young did you think the grandmother was going to be when you signed the paper?
Thanks everyone. DH talked to her this morning when he dropped DS off. She told him she had to take her son (10yo) to the allergist for an appointment. So it was something she knew about in advance, not an emergency in any way. DH told her we did not feel comfortable with him being left alone with her and she says she understands and won't do it again. We'll see. I understand that we signed the paper saying it was okay, as I stated in my OP. But like I said, we assumed this would be only in the event of an emergency, like if she was really sick and couldn't be with the kids. Also knowing that she lived in another country, we didn't think she would be here enough for her to even have the opportunity to be left alone with him (she didn't tell us that she comes to visit for long periods of time). So yes, I realize we have some fault in this and should've asked more questions.
DH and I are going to start looking for another in-home DCP. We just went through this search several months ago and weren't too impressed with our findings (aside from the DCP we chose), but hopefully we can find someone new. Thanks everyone for the responses.
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We really do like her over-all. She just seems to be very lax about who is around the kids/who takes care of the kids and that bothers me. It seems like her house is that "neighborhood" house where all the kids like to come hang out after school. So it's not uncommon for me to walk in and find 3-4 10yr olds hovering around and holding the babies. It's really just this one issue, but it bothers me a lot. DH is doing drop-off tomorrow, so he's going to talk to her about it since he's better about confrontation than I am.
That would be an absolute deal-breaker for me, way before the elderly grandma watching the babies, since her name is on the list of approved people that you and your husband signed. If I walked into a daycare and saw some random 10 year old holding my child....oh my god. I'd end up in jail.
This. I was shocked when I read that. It sounds like you need to be looking for a new daycare.
I'm glad you're looking for a new DCP. Several things you mentioned are just weird & not appropriate. My ILs are 70 and in ok health and since my twins started to be mobile, they were clearly uncomfortable watchign them for any length of time & there was a 1-1 ratio even...
I am confused about why DS doesnt go to the same place as DD? Do they not accept kids as young as your DS?
He started out there when I went back to work after maternity leave, but he was sick for nearly 2 months straight. It was non-stop upper respiratory infections, ear infections, fevers. The pedi recommended switching him to a smaller in-home, and we agreed it was a good idea. Once we did he immediately got better and has only been sick once since then. We will probably take him back around 18mos or so, but for now we'd like to leave him at an in-home.