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Toddlers: 24 Months+
Pelusa214
member
Can we talk terrible THREES?
Pelusa214
member
Please either share my pain, or tell me what I'm doing wrong...just after turning 3, my child also turned into Satan.
She's always been high-maintenance, and always been extremely strong-willed. But she was NEVER, even on her worst day, this blatantly defiant when she was 2. Every night by the time she goes to bed, I'm at the point of tears. I had to give MYSELF a time-out tonight by locking myself in my bedroom for 2 minutes, just to keep from screaming at her at the top of my lungs. I'm trying so hard to keep from shouting and yelling, but by the end of the day she has been so bad so many times that after she's in bed I want to either ball my eyes out or punch a hole in the wall.
I won't hit my child, but time-outs are not sinking in. We've tried "consequences" (taking things away from her when she doesn't listen) and I even tried rewards for good behavior.
When we ask her or tell her to do something (or stop doing something), she will look straight at us and do whatever she feels like (or keep doing what we told her to stop). She's very fresh - like if we ask her to, say, stop banging her fork on the table while we're eating, she'll look at us and do it one more time. The fake crying is almost constant some days, and I've never seen her throw tantrums like this. Sometimes when I ask her to do something, she'll shout "NO!".
I don't get it. We don't give in to the tantrums, ever. Yet she continues to take them. She'll have a time out for something, and 2 minutes later do the same thing she had the time out for.
She can also be very, very sweet. She's very affectionate, every time we play or do something together, or even just randomly through the day, I hear "Mommy, I love you". She plays & talks nicely with her dolls, never shouts at them, and although she occasionally gives them a time-out (!), she calmly explains what they did "wrong" and always kisses them & says I love you when she lets them off the step. There are times where she's perfectly cooperative, and will do what I ask even if she clearly doesn't want to, but those times are becoming fewer and farther between.
I'm not totally clueless...I know toddlers behave this way. What is pushing me to the edge is that it is almost constant this past month. I'm pregnant, and I know some of it is probably her reaction to a new baby coming, but I feel like this is over-the-top.
Is this kind of behavior, to this degree, something you have experienced? I know people like others to think their children are well-behaved and don't always share, but I feel like my child is behaving SO much worse than she should at this age!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Can we talk terrible THREES?
Oh this age is AWFUL. We're having a heck of a time with our 3 year old too and I'm just trying to get through it. One thing that helps with the defiance is to ask him things like "What did mommy just tell you to do?" A lot of the time when I tell him to do something (or tell him to stop doing something!!!!) he's just not paying any attention to me. It doesn't register with him! By asking him to repeat it to me it really improves the chances that he's going to listen.
Another is that when I want him to listen to me I say "Eyeballs". He knows that means he has to stop what he's doing and look me in the eye. It gives me his undivided attention and once again improves the chances that he's actually going to do what I tell him.
Choices are another big deal. Kids like to have options and like to feel like they have some control.
These things give me a tiny bit of sanity throughout the day, but most of the time I'm ready to pull my hair out. My youngest is almost 2 and by the time my oldest outgrows this terrible 3 phase he'll only be a few months away. There is no end in sight!
Yeah, I was so worried about it I finally ran out and bought every toddler developmental book I could find. I had bad thoughts that she was settling into severe OCD and on some days a personality disorder (when the 3-yr-old's head spins, it really does!!!) and yet her preschool teacher always delighted in her and though she was energing from shyness, she was always considerate, pleases, thank yous, sharing and all. AAnd then she came home.
This book: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/your-three-year-old-louise-bates-ames/1100988410
was a help. Old school, but basically describes the ages of equilibrium and disequilibrium. I believe this typ of book is cheese cause no child is alike but there she was... in that book. And just like the book promised, come 3 yrss and 6 months, my angel returned. This book described my child to a tee. Good luck!
I could have written this post myself!!! Seriously. I have a 1/2 angel 1/2 satan child....it's horrible. He's even aggressive at daycare now--ugh...and with his baby brother.
I hope the pp is right and it turns around at 3.5....oh please turn around!!
My new "mom" blog: http://realityofamommy.blogspot.com
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Notes:
Thank you! I just ordered the book used on Amazon for $4. What's really been making me lose it is that I feel like other kids her age don't behave this way, and I feel like I'm doing something wrong (well, that, and being 6 months pregnant!). I teach full-time and hate every minute of it, and this year got moved to a new level & new school due to layoffs, so I was putting in 10 hours of work a day (plus a 120 mile commute per day) and 15-20 hours more on the weekends. I'm home for the summer, and she pretty much started acting like this about a month after I stopped working, so I was afraid I was screwing her up!
I feel SOOOO much better now. At least I don't have to panic that I'm making her this way...thanks for the suggestions. I will summon up all the patience I can, and hope you ladies can, too!
What we do for bad behavior is always the same. We give 1 warning and count to 3. After the warning DS goes for a time out. If he continues the behavior after his time out, he gets a spanking. I never planned to spank my child, but it works for us. I've only had to actually spank him a few times and now he listens when we count.
We also find both DH and I HAVE to be consistent with how we discipline him. Not that your not doing that, but it really does work. DS was horrible a few months ago...DH and I both agreed on certain consequences and how we would handle his behavior and he's a different child now.
Example: DS got to the point where he would NOT eat dinner at the table. He would eat in the living room, throw his food, barely eat...it was our fault we got kinda lazy and let him do his own thing. One day we went to dinner at my dad's and he SCREAMED his head off the entire time cause we tried to get him to eat at the table. We left half way through dinner. We decided we needed to change his behavior. So now the rule is you eat ALL meals and snacks at the dining table, if his feet touch the floor and he gets off his chair, we throw his food in the garbage. I threw away his food twice. He is an angel at the table now. He sits and eats. I now will give him a warning if he gets up...I was also really surprised at how quickly his behavior changed.
Good luck to you, toddlers are hard and challenging! you'll get through it. Different things work for different people/kids. Hope you find something that works for you.
Oh yeah I feel your pain, times 2. I recommend 1-2-3 Magic. I just started this last week and it has been sooo helpful. I have one that is really definant lately and I was ready to rip my hair out every day at the end of the day with her. Now I am able to keep my cool all day and things are a lot easier to deal with. The fighting and whining have gone way down, they used to do this all day long.
I have only gotten through the first part which is the discipline part (the part I really needed right away) and I am looking forward to the next part which is working on getting them to do "start" behaviors, like going to bed when I say with no fight, or cleaning up their toys in the playroom they have destroyed.