Sibling getting a gift on other siblings bday- What is your opinion?

June2007 · August 2011

I have a gift for DD#1 slated for xmas but I really want to give it to her now. Its a play make up set, she got one that came with her toy vanity for her own birthday in June but the pieces were tiny and flimsy and DD#2 kept ending up with them in her mouth. So I took them all and threw them away. I found a new set and want to give it to her, I thought DD#2's birthday on Saturday was a good excuse but DH thinks its weird to give her a present on her sisters birthday. Thoughts?

I get that its not a huge thing, I could just give it to her today, or wait until she's earned it for good behavior (we have a sticker chart for that- she has her eye on a Rapunzel doll for that though) but I thought it would help any jealousy issues involving all the tons of presents DD#2 will get. Or is that creating selfish issues?

And yes, I realize that I am over thinking this )

[Poll]

HarrietNJMommy · August 2011

That's a big "no way" for me. It's your birthday - it's YOUR day, not your brother's or sister's........

I think it sets a bad precedent, no matter what the "gift" costs......

June2007 · August 2011

HarrietNJMommy:
That's a big "no way" for me. It's your birthday - it's YOUR day, not your brother's or sister's........
I think it sets a bad precedent, no matter what the "gift" costs......

I guess that makes sense. DD#2 did get gifts on #1's birthday (from people who hadn't seen her for a while) though and I didn't even think about it. They're too young now to really care though I suppose. My Mom reminded me of my sister getting rollerblades on my birthday so I would have someone to skate with, I remember being excited, not at all jealous that she got present on "my" day. I'm not sure what my point is here. Just wondering what others think.

HarrietNJMommy · August 2011

June2007:
HarrietNJMommy:
That's a big "no way" for me. It's your birthday - it's YOUR day, not your brother's or sister's........
I think it sets a bad precedent, no matter what the "gift" costs......
I guess that makes sense. DD#2 did get gifts on #1's birthday (from people who hadn't seen her for a while) though and I didn't even think about it. They're too young now to really care though I suppose. My Mom reminded me of my sister getting rollerblades on my birthday so I would have someone to skate with, I remember being excited, not at all jealous that she got present on "my" day. I'm not sure what my point is here. Just wondering what others think.

At this age, your kids are too young, but if you start this type of precedent, then they will always expect to get gifts on everyone's birthday.

I have 3 kids. It would be really hard for me to do this type of thing anyway......

Mrs.JLC · August 2011

If it were me I would give it to her on a day other than her sister's birthday and explain that it was a replacement for the one I had to discard. It's not her fault that the previous one needed to be discarded so I don't think you really need an excuse. That's just me though.

schnappycat · August 2011

HarrietNJMommy:
June2007:
HarrietNJMommy:
That's a big "no way" for me. It's your birthday - it's YOUR day, not your brother's or sister's........
I think it sets a bad precedent, no matter what the "gift" costs......
I guess that makes sense. DD#2 did get gifts on #1's birthday (from people who hadn't seen her for a while) though and I didn't even think about it. They're too young now to really care though I suppose. My Mom reminded me of my sister getting rollerblades on my birthday so I would have someone to skate with, I remember being excited, not at all jealous that she got present on "my" day. I'm not sure what my point is here. Just wondering what others think.
At this age, your kids are too young, but if you start this type of precedent, then they will always expect to get gifts on everyone's birthday.
I have 3 kids. It would be really hard for me to do this type of thing anyway......

I agree with all of this. I see it as a slippery slope. Next thing you'll know the kids will want a gift on their 2nd cousin's or great-uncle's birthday. I think you are best to avoid it all together.

Pesky · August 2011

HarrietNJMommy:

That's a big "no way" for me. It's your birthday - it's YOUR day, not your brother's or sister's........

I think it sets a bad precedent, no matter what the "gift" costs......

ITA. just avoid it.

smitt2619 · August 2011

I voted yes, was going to reply to say I thought it was okay considering the kids were young and just 1 might be nice, but then read the other replies and am rethinking it. It's really common for older siblings to get a small gift along with the new baby getting a gift, so that's kinda the same thing, maybe. But maybe it would be better to avoid setting a presidence and instead give it to her a different time, either as incentive or as a replacement for the other toy.

n&bcarlson · August 2011

I was often given some little gift on my brother's birthday, and he was given one on mine. Usually it was my grandma who did this for us. Both of us grew up into responsible adults, and neither of us has ever really had a problem with being selfish or feeling entitled.

jnksmom · August 2011

Mrs.JLC:
If it were me I would give it to her on a day other than her sister's birthday and explain that it was a replacement for the one I had to discard. It's not her fault that the previous one needed to be discarded so I don't think you really need an excuse. That's just me though.

I agree with this. I would not give it to her on her sister's birthday though. I agree with others that is setting a precedent to do it every year.

FIL and SMIL always send DD gifts on DS's bday and vice versa and it really bugs me. They go overboard though and both kids get about the same amount of gifts...not really special for whoever is having a birthday.

jsugrin · August 2011

I had some of the same thoughts when we had our second and decided that it was going to cost me way more down the road ( and I don't mean financially) if I tried to make things seem more "fair". Luckily my youngest is pretty mellow and was happy to let me oldest help unwrap gifts ect. I would just give her the set now and if she gets all pissy on sister's bday you can always remind her that she just got a new toy and sister didn't get anything, sometimes that's just how it works.

mabma80 · August 2011

I said no, cause they need to learn that everybody has their special day. Besides, at every birthday, they'll be expecting a gift too. Not a good thing to start that habit at a young age. Or ever for that matter.

ridesbuttons · August 2011

HarrietNJMommy:

That's a big "no way" for me. It's your birthday - it's YOUR day, not your brother's or sister's........

I think it sets a bad precedent, no matter what the "gift" costs......

100% agree.

franciscaz · August 2011

n&bcarlson:
I was often given some little gift on my brother's birthday, and he was given one on mine. Usually it was my grandma who did this for us. Both of us grew up into responsible adults, and neither of us has ever really had a problem with being selfish or feeling entitled.

I think it is silly worrying about this horrible slippery slope. We just had the twins party and many people got Harmon gifts. Same with Harm's birthday. My parents did that with us. I am pretty well adjusted I think Stick out tongue I think it is a sweet idea!!!!

HarrietNJMommy · August 2011

franciscaz:
n&bcarlson:
I was often given some little gift on my brother's birthday, and he was given one on mine. Usually it was my grandma who did this for us. Both of us grew up into responsible adults, and neither of us has ever really had a problem with being selfish or feeling entitled.

I think it is silly worrying about this horrible slippery slope. We just had the twins party and many people got Harmon gifts. Same with Harm's birthday. My parents did that with us. I am pretty well adjusted I think Stick out tongue I think it is a sweet idea!!!!

You really can't control what other people do. You can't compare this situation, since it's not the parent that's giving the gift - it's someone else. If grandma, or Aunt Sally, etc. want to do this, fine.

I think it's not a good idea to do it as a parent.

And no one said that you'll be a poorly-adjusted individual or selfish, etc. All we said is that it sets a bad precedent to start and that your child will probably expect to get a gift on other birthdays (not just siblings).........

franciscaz · August 2011

I respectfully disagree. My kids get tons of gifts every year. I don't mind if their siblings know they will get something small. Like I said my siblings and I all had that and it wasn't a big deal. I just don't think it is a big deal to give more than one child a gift on a birthday. That is my opinion!

KristinKD · August 2011

I agree that it's a precedent I'd rather not set. DD1 had no jealousy issues on DD2's birthday; she enjoyed opening the gifts (and eventually playing with them) even though she knew they weren't for her.

I generally don't like giving toy gifts "just because," although I think that since the make-up set is replacing the one you threw away, I think you'd be fine to give it to her now. I'm dealing with a similar issue in that I bought DD1 a new princess crown to replace one that broke and am still debating whether to give it to her now or hold off until her birthday or Christmas (since I also bought one for DD2). These are some real tough parenting decisions, right?! lol.

June2007 · August 2011

KristinKD:
I agree that it's a precedent I'd rather not set. DD1 had no jealousy issues on DD2's birthday; she enjoyed opening the gifts (and eventually playing with them) even though she knew they weren't for her.

I generally don't like giving toy gifts "just because," although I think that since the make-up set is replacing the one you threw away, I think you'd be fine to give it to her now. I'm dealing with a similar issue in that I bought DD1 a new princess crown to replace one that broke and am still debating whether to give it to her now or hold off until her birthday or Christmas (since I also bought one for DD2). These are some real tough parenting decisions, right?! lol.

Haha VERY tough!

I agree that I don't like to give gift for no reason, hence the reason I am searching for a reason. I guess replacing what I threw away is a good reason but she doesn't know I did that and I'd rather not tell her because I don't want to cause ill feelings towards her sister (which is why I got rid of them) so.... yeah. And like I said, she has a behavior/night time training sticker chart so she could earn the gift but she has been saying she wanted a Rapunzel doll with it since we started the chart.

Even though 75% of people disagreed with me, I might still give it to her on DD#2's birthday. I don't think, at this point, she'll remember until next year and start demanding presents for everyones party since we have had several where she doesn't get a gift. Like some people pointed out, I doubt anyone will be deeply affected either way!

I am surprised at the results though, I really thought it would be more 50/50.

704bride · August 2011

HarrietNJMommy:
That's a big "no way" for me. It's your birthday - it's YOUR day, not your brother's or sister's........
I think it sets a bad precedent, no matter what the "gift" costs......

I agree with this 100%. Everyone should get to feel that their birthday is THEIR special day and siblings need to understand that it is their sibling's day and they'll have theirs soon enough.

anna7602 · August 2011

Issues of setting precedents aside, I think the gift will mean more if you tie it something special for the child getting the gift, not her sister's birthday. If you make it a reward for something or a celebration of another occasion (like the first day of school, for example), I just think that it will mean more. JMO...

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