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Single Parents
no dad babybook??
I am new to 'bump' site (was referred after asking ?? on the nest) and I am a single parent. The subject of babybook with no dad caught my eye and I have to ask... why do that? I mean, I understand if the father ups & leaves, a break-up happens, etc., but why leave the fathers name/info out? And no, I do not know the reasons behind it and I am sure I will get some hateful comments, but there is a reason I ask. What are you going to say to your child when they ask about their father?
I have to very close friends, known all my life, and both of them do not know a thing about their fathers. Growing up, they asked and never got an answer, so they somewhat disregarded until later in life. I have seen what it has done to them and they have never completely forgiven.
Now, I am NOT saying this will happen to you, and again, I do not know 'your' history, but I could never understand how & why some mothers do that.
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Re: no dad babybook??
Well I think that you have to look at each individual situation. For me, the babybooks that include things about both parents, imply that the family is still "intact" so to speak. It is more aligned with the "traditional family".
I think that the baby books with no mention of the dad are making reference to the fact that not every family consists of a mommy, daddy, and 2.5 kids.
In my situation, up until a few months ago, my ex had completely not been in our child's life. He had turned to a life of drugs and crime. So I wouldn't want to mention him in the baby book because he was essentially a donor. I still would hesitate to mention him as this wonderful father because he was very uninvolved in the entire pregnancy and the first two years of our child's life.
A lot of the baby books with Dad's info ask things like: What was Daddy's reaction? Well, I don't want to put in my son's babybook that Dad asked me to get an abortion.
My son's father has been absent since my pregnancy began, so nearly all the baby book questions like the one above are irrelevant. The blank lines asking for Daddy's reaction, involvement, input, etc. would be more hurtful for my child to look at than for there just to be no mention of him. His book as is describes the joyful reactions of his family who is involved, which is what I'd rather he focus on than the absence of Dad.
That being said, when my son has questions about his father I will answer them. It's not my choice that he is not involved and I'll try to make it as easy as possible for my son to understand. Of course he will have pain and sadness from this, but I would prefer not to make looking at his baby book be a reminder of his absent father.
I don't think that choosing to have a book that doesn't include "daddy's first thoughts about the pregnancy" and "what daddy said when I was born" has anything to do with not being honest with your child when they ask about their father.
Why would you want to make a keepsake book out of bad memories? That doesn't mean you won't talk about it, ever.
Yes, this. Obviously we will talk about things when the time is appropriate and the questions come up. Will it be a fun conversation, no, of course not. And it's also important to answer the questions in a way that is mature and respectful of the other person, moreso as the father of our children and nothing else.
This.
I was the one who asked about a baby book that does not mention dad and my reasons were as many PP have stated and that's because dad has CHOSEN not to be a part of LO's life. I'm in the process of a divorce and he has repeatedly asked me to get an abortion and that he didn't want to have baggage in his life.
I would LOVE for my little boy to have his dad in his life, however, when you get the reaction and comments that I did, then there's no way you want any of that documented in a memory book for your child. I would never want my child to know how his dad felt about him at this point and he is no longer a part of our family. I don't have an option to make things nice and cherry and document dad's reactions to LO when Dad has opted out of the relationship with his son (his only child) and his comments towards him have been nothing but negative.
yeah, i really want that written in a memory book!
It's not that there is NO daddy info in the books, its that the daddy info is on separate pages. There is still info on dad, dad's family tree, etc., its just that they are separate. In my case, J has never met his dad and I don't know if he ever will. He wants nothing to do with me or his son at this point. I like the flexibility of being able to include what I want to include since our family is J and me!