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3rd Trimester
strumpet
member
MIL hates name choice
strumpet
member
I also posted this in the Baby Names forum. I guess I'm kind of upset at the moment.
We are team green and have picked a boy name and a girl name. The boy name is my favorite boy name and DH's dad's name, but MIL hates the name because DH's dad is her ex-husband. She wants to nickname the boy something that I absolutely hate (using initials - I hate nicknames that are initials).
We feel terrible that this is hard on her, and DH wants to pick new names, but I've gotten very attached to the names. I'm also kicking myself for not sticking to my guns and keeping the names a secret. Now DH wants to find out baby's sex to see if this is even going to be an issue. What do I do?This discussion has been closed.
Re: MIL hates name choice
Tell your MIL to suck it. She got to name her own kids. Now it's your turn to name your kids. Also tell your DH to man up and stand up to his mom on this one, this isn't something she should be able to bully you guys about.
Good luck!
The mean part of me would want to tell her good thing its not her baby.
Seriously though, if this is the name you want to use, be firm with it. She may just have to get over some of her hard feelings.If you end up having a boy and use that name, your mother in law is going to be so in love with her grandson and his name isn't going to change that.
This is why I wanted to keep everything a secret, then DH convinced me that it wouldn't matter. If you meet someone, their name is their name, and previous associations go out the door. Unfortunately, in the meantime, this is causing a lot of tension.
Josiah James
Naomi Rose
Well, this is the time that she will just need to get over it. Like PP said, she already got to name her kids. Honestly I would make DH have a talk with her. She may take it better coming from him, especially if he remains firm.
She'll get over it. Your baby, your choice. Period.
My mother I know is probably not THRILLED that our sons middle name will be my fathers (her ex husband) and we didn't name either child after her. (Our daughter's middle name is for DH's grandpa who just passed) however she has been tight lipped about her feelings on that middle name--and expressed enthusiasm for the first names and daughters middle name.
I would tell DH you chose these names for a reason, its almost a slap in his dads face to take the name away because mom is throwing a temper tantrum and you've decided to wait to find out the sex--mom doesn't get to throw tempertantrums that alter your life...LO will get to start doing that in a few years but their grandma should be old enough to self soothe at this point.
When she attempts to address/introduce LO as the nickname I'd just politely correct her and say "You mean (insert actual name here)"
Good luck!
THIS! Good Luck!
Couldn't have said it better myself. People that voice their negative opinions on name choices to the parents really annoy me. Clearly you and DH like the names, and like tulip said -- she already got to name her own kids. It's none of her damn business what you name your kids. I'd hope it was a boy so I could name him the name just to pi$$ her off. Tell your husband to tell his mom it's not her decision.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,and He shall direct your paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6
LOL well put. Both my mom and MIL are like, "I like Melanie", I said, "that's nice, why don't you have another kid at 56 and you can name her that then." Your kid, your choice. Nuff said.
completely agree.
Exactly. x 100 million. Its YOUR baby, and YOUR name choice. And...I'd say you can even say 'no' to her nickname choice.
Clearly your MIL needs to go get some therapy to see why she hasn't gotten past her divorce. She is putting way too much into the name. Is she going to freak out if later on this LO likes the same ice cream flavor as her ex? Ridiculous.
Obviously we all pick names for certain reasons. Whether we like the sound of it or it reminds us of someone special to you. Same goes for reasons why we don't consider certain names. But that doesn't mean you guys should let an outside person influence the choices that you make.
I always found it ridiculous that some people kept the names a secret solely out of fear. We have friends like that and although after hearing the name I can kind of understand I think if you're confident enough in your choice it shouldn't matter what other people say. The names that DH and I had chosen for DD and for DS are special to us and if someone made a negative comment about it I wouldn't give a rat's asss.
She needs to get over it. She had a chance to name her own kids, and this one she does not get a vote on.
Side note: I am not with DS's father, and would absolutely hate it if DS decided to name his son after his father one day. But i did love him at one point in time, and it was my choice to be with him and even though DS wasnt planned, i still chose to have him. So i will just have to suck it up if...GOD FORBID....if he wants to name his son after his dad
If you change your boy name, you will resent MIL FOREVER for being the reason you couldn't use it.
If you keep it, your MIL may resent both of you forever for having the name be a reminder of her XH.
Honestly, I would just let her call the baby by his initials if that's what she wants to do. People are going to give your LO nicknames and there's nothing you can do to prevent it.
My son's name is Moses and I have relatives that call him Mo. Obviously not my favourite, as it conjures the Three Stooges, but it's not my place to tell them what to call him and in the end it doesn't matter.
I think you are right about this and I need to just get over the initials thing.
One reason that I really like the full name is that it makes sense in both English and Russian (baby's second language). Maybe MIL will be more comfortable with the Russian version.
Compromise. I'd keep using the name, but I'd let her use a nickname. Whatever nickname that she wants. She'll be the only one who uses it. It won't be too long before the nickname goes down the drain and she'll just call him by his first name. That part will be her decision. No feelings hurt.
My MIL used to call my DD Charlie Anna because we chose Charles for a boy and Anna for a girl and she was a girl. I haven't heard her call her that in years. I just let her call her that and it faded pretty quickly.
Married since 06/19/2004|Anna born 11/19/2006|Charles born 11/1/11
Double undergrad graduation May 2011| Me: Psychology, DH: Communication| A long journey!
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Yup. I agree. It's your child and you get to name him/her. A lot of people don't care for the name we have chosen but that's not my problem. They'll get over it once he gets here.
Logan - 11/09, Lander 08/11, Baby #3 ~It's a girl!!~ EDD: 04/10/14
Sorry I haven't posted on this board in awhile...
Its your child, stick by the name. But unfortunately, you will most likely not be able to control the nickname. Nicknames have a life of their own, they change and adapt over time. You may name your kid Ronald and he will spend his whole life being called Shorty by the majority of people that know him. Micromanaging nicknames NEVER works.
My gramma had a special nickname for me, and she is the only person to call me that name, it was a way to bond. I think denying your MIL a special nickname for her grandchild is a little selfish. She is not asking to name him, just asking to have something she can call him that will not fill her with negative emotions. If you hate the nickname passionately talk to her about alternatives.
Your DH needs to man up, I agree with PPs. Your child, your choice. She had a baby with her ex husband (your DH) and named him as she saw fit, any issues she has with your FIL are between them and NOT your problem. She needs to grow up and not be so selfish. I highly doubt he is the only man in the world with that name anyway. Furthermore if you don't like the name she wants to call him instead, tell her NO, his name will be ____ if you want to call him something else for short this is what we are calling him _______ but no initial names thanks!
My MIL keeps making comments about how hard it is to get used to our little ones name and how its "different" and honestly its not her choice so I don't care. When she asked about what we would call her,my response was "Her name" lol people are rude.
All of this, exactly.
I'm sorry you're going through this during what would otherwise be a very joyous occasion. I agree with the overwhelming majority of ladies on this board - it's yours and your husband's baby, and if your husband wants to honor his father by putting his father's name in the running, that's your choice, not mom's. Talk with your husband about determining the gender, but don't do it unless you two want to. Don't do it just to placate mom. I don't think it'll make you happy, ultimately.
Also, in regards to the nickname, it reminds me of my youth: my mother's best friend had her kids a little later than my mother did, so I was about eight when this friend had her second child. This friend was going to name her son "Warren Reynold." After he was born, she announced that she was going to call him "Rennie" because she thought it was cute, and my mother jumped right on the bandwagon. As a precocious child (and disgusted by the nickname), I insisted on calling him "Warren," and eventually, many others began to follow suit. Guess what? "Warren" stuck. Grandma might want to call baby something at the outset and end up changing her mind if everyone else calls him/her by the first name. Above all, good luck. I pray that this situation works out. It seems that you and your husband are trying really hard to accommodate her, and that's admirable, but remember to make choices that you enjoy, too.
"A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies." - Proverbs 31:10
We are somewhat in the same boat. My mil hates names that you can have a nickname with. My husband and I agreed to a name, then we told her and she put her two cents in. Then my husband wanted to change the name.
I am sticking to my guns. It is your child not hers, name it what you want.
I think this is the best way to approach the issue, IMHO. Saying that she got to name her own kids seems so childish. Of course she did- we all know that. I think that having a little compassion (knowing that it might be hard for her and her situation with her ex) could go a long way. Understanding her view point is possible without agreeing with her. I wouldn't change the name, but I would try and suggest the reasons why it is important for you to use that specific name.
I may be biased - I don't have a MIL (she died of complications of kidney failure - was sick for over 11 years) and sometimes just don't get the whole MIL issues. Right now, I wish I could share my pregnancy with her and learn more about how DH was when he was a child.
Good luck!
Your MIL already named her kids. It is your child and your right to name it whatever you feel fit. When pregnant with our first daughter, my inlaws constantly had new names to offer us even though we had our name picked out immediately having a positive test. It drove me nuts..
This is exactly what came to my mind when I read this. No harm was meant to your mother in law, so she's going to have to get over it.
And, tell her if she gets to choose a NN for him... you get to choose what he calls his grandmother. Like, "Bitter old hag."