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Single Parents
Should i leave him?
i'm due in september, my FI and i both live with my parents in their remodled basement. Its not like FI can't afford an apartment, its that he doesn't want to. I don't mind cooking and cleaning, but it would be nice to have some help once in a while.
I ask FI all the time to just help me pick up little things, or just to feed our cat before he leaves for work in the morning. No matter what i do, he won't do anything to help me out.
My parents are getting sick of him being here because he doesnt pay them to live here, and doesn't do anything to help them either.
I've been trying to talk him into getting the baby insurance, since he doesn't have much of anything else to pay for since he's living for free. and considering he works 1 FT job, and 1 PT for which he gets paid under the table. But no matter what i do, he just gets mad and won't do it anyways.
Should i just give up in trying to get him to help out? This has been going on for a year and a half if not longer. I don't want our son to see me like this because i know stressing out like this is not healthy for me or the baby.
I've done everything i can think of. i've threatened him, i've tried to be nice about it, i've argued about it, and i've shut up and just not said anything to him about it. i have no idea what to do anymore. please help
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Re: Should i leave him?
OP, then step up and be the bad person. The people who matter will support you. And, if they don't, well, you have to do what's best for you and your child. You're not doing any of you any favors by enabling him.
GL!
i also feel as though i'm stuck, because he has nowhere else to go...and he has no money saved up at all.i dont have a job, but i'm okay because i'm living with my parents, and they already offered to help me until i can work again.
Him not having a job or money isn't your problem. If you want to leave him, then leave him. Obviously whatever you are doing is not working. Who cares if he makes you out to be the bad person? He can't MAKE you be with him because he has nowhere to go and thinks you are the bad person.
ETA: Do you really want to marry a man who has no job and doesn't help you in life in any way? How do you plan to support a child in a couple of months if neither of you have jobs? You said in your OP that you don't live with your parents because you can't afford an apartment, but you said he has no money and no job and neither do you?
he has a FT job, and a PT job. im the one with no job. we both live with my parents because he doesn't want to get an apartment for whatever reason.
Try this: "This is not working out and I'd like you to leave."
If he doesn't leave you can always call the police, if it comes down to that. I'm still not clear why this is so difficult, given that you seem to want things to end.
When he comes back from work and finds all his stuff on the lawn, is usually a pretty clear message.
I'm sure if you have a real adult conversation with your parents they will happily help you pack his shizz while he's at work.
Make sure you get photo copies of his paystubs and if he leaves bank statements around get photocopies of those too so you can have that documentation when you file for CS.
You aren't ready yet, plain and simple. If you were, he'd be clearing his stuff off the lawn right now. I know when I was ready, I told my ex-husband to get the "F" out, and he left that same day. Same with the ex-BF. I put his stuff outside and called him to come pick up his crap. Both times I was pregnant, and it made no difference to me. I was ready to have a calm, peaceable life.
I'm assuming she's ~18 based solely on her name (jloffhaus93).
OP, how does this guy have a FT job, a PT job, and pay no living expenses because he's mooching off his GF's parents and still not have any money? Really think about this, is this the guy you want to be legally tied to in marriage? You know the answer to your question, you just need to find the courage within yourself to do what's best for you and your LO and tell this guy to get out. Who cares if you look like the bad guy? I'm sure all my XH's friends and family think I'm the biggest b!tch ever because they've only heard my XH's side of the story, but guess what, I don't give a flying anything what XH's friends or family think, really not my concern because I know that I did the right thing in kicking my XH out.
I agree with all of the above! hollinor---you always say just the thing I would say
To the OP---you know you need to get rid of him. You don't even want to be with him. Are you really just asking for help in how to get rid of him? My advice is 1) Talk to your parents so they know. 2) Pack all of his crap up while he's at work one day, and set it out front. Tell him he is outttt. 3) If he refuses to go or tries to start a fight, call the police. Don't let him try to manipulate you.
That's his fault. If he's been working 2 jobs with no living expenses and have nothing saved up, he's done it to himself. Stay strong and leave him. You can do it. Your child will be better off. If you file for child support, they may order him to carry the health insurance for the baby. It sounds like you have a better chance that way because he obviously isn't going to do it on his own.
AMEN!!!!!