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Ok Moms of two...pros/cons of having a second
I thought I was one and done. I still think (most days) that I am one and done and so does DH. But....it seems that everyone I know is having more babies and I would love to give E another brother/sister but I am really torn.
Issue 1 (and biggest issue)...we have an 800 sq. ft. apartment with 2 beds/1bath.
Issue 2 ....cost factor....how much more will it really cost
I could go on and then I change my mind and one and done sounds good but then I think of some pros...and I am back on the "I want a baby" train
Insight? Help? Words of advice? Talk me out of it? :-)
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Re: Ok Moms of two...pros/cons of having a second
I'm the type who feels like we don't necessarily NEED a 2nd child, but we've decided that we will definitely try to give Juliet a brother or sister.
We're also in a 2 bedroom apartment, and not ready to buy a house anytime soon (because we want to purchase in Clarendon, Chevy Chase, or Bethesda.) We feel completely fulfilled as a family. We realize the cost of having another child, and we really want them to live rich lives, with travel, culture, dining out, etc.
The main reason we will be going for #2 is for Juliet. We want her to grow up with a sibling. I know for me personally, having my brother and sister helped SO much when it came to helping my parents. My dad suffers from Multiple Sclerosis, and needs so much help. It was always so nice to be able to team up as a family to help when was needed. Wherever we went - whether to family or friend's homes, vacations, etc., we always had a buddy to play with, and there wasn't actually as much pressure on my parents to be our entertainment, since we had each other, which gave them more grown-up time. Every single one of my single-child friends tell me they wish they had a sibling, and they feel a much greater burden to always be there for their parents.
I know that if Juliet had a sibling right now, they would play together a lot more - it wouldn't ALL be on me to entertain her. I just feel like she would love a sibling. I know her as a daughter, but I'm just dying to see her as a big sister, too. I know she'll be great.
Also, I know this sounds kind of morbid, but if anything was to ever happen to me or DH, I'd want a bigger family to help support eachother. I guess that kind of thinking comes from my dad's health issues, but it really hits deep with me.
I know we can always move further out into a bigger home for the same amount of $ we're already paying. (I'll would be devastated to leave Clarendon, but I know it would be for the best.) The public schools and universities in the area are wonderful, so I'm not worried about private schools.
Also, it's just one of those things that I don't want to have 2nd thoughts about when I'm at an age where having another child would be riskier, in terms of health issues. I'm already in my mid-30s, so there is a bit of a biological clock ticking issue.
Those are my reasons!
DH and I are both only children, and while DH didn't long for a sibling, I always wanted a brother or a sister for all the reasons PP mentioned. There would always be someone there to play with, someone who knows you at all parts of your life, someone to go through the bad times with, etc. Actually, I dreamed of having a twin and wrote stories as a kid about having a twin sister.
Now, DH and I actually have twins, and it's so great to have two. It's a lot of work, but it's all worth it to see them together and to know they'll always have each other. And, it's incredible to see how different they are but also how like DH and I they are. Having two is just awesome. In fact, we'll probably have more b/c we think being from a big family would be so fun.
Both DH and I are both one of 2, we think 2 is THE # to have, 2 hands, 2 parents, don't need a minivan:)
and yes, if one of us is sick/dying, which will eventually happen, we want the kids to be there for each other. One of my friends was one and done but around the time her daughter was 5, her FIL got very very sick, he ended up dying from brain cancer and she and her DH decided that if something like were to happen to one of them, they did not want their DD going thru it alone, so they had another DD.
We are definitely done though, I got my tubes tied. 2 is so much work, at least one always needs/wants something, it's non-stop. And DD is at the age now where we could do so much, go places on weekends, travel easily but DS still needs at least one nap a day, so it makes it hard. Thankfully they are only 20mo apart and will be into the same things for a long time; when we vacation they'll be able to go on same rides with same height restrictions, etc. But having 2 so close is also hard b/c they both need you so much. When one is older, she's able to help out a lot more and that's a great bond, too.
I know if we didn't have a 2nd one, no matter how hard some days are, I would regret it at a later age.
Do whatever works best for your family!
We always knew we would have more than one...three was the number I always had in my head, being one of 3 kids (DH is too), but I think we're done with 2...mainly due to the cost and space issues you mention when thinking about more than 1 kid.
But I really love having 2...yes, it's more work and more chaos and more $$, but I can't even express how much I LOVE seeing my girls together and I love the fact that they will have each other now and in the future.
Whatever works for your family is what is best...but I'm happy to be the mom of 2!
as to the financial aspect, 2nd BABY is not much more expensive b/c you are reusing all the baby stuff - the pump, the bottles, the crib, the carseat, stroller, etc etc. However, 2nd CHILD is more expensive, I keep saying DS is going to eat us out of house and home! Now that he's on whole milk, and DD is on 2%, we have 3-4 gallons of milk in the fridge at one time and we buy organic so it adds up. And when they get older and we want to travel, wow I am not looking FWD to that sticker shock, let's just say we'll be looking at a lot of "kids eat and stay free" places LOL
I just had #2 and it has been a wonderful experience. DD#1 adores her sister and has been so good with her. Even though DD#2 is really young, DD#1 still tries to play with her. As DD#2 gets older, I think they will play together, entertain each other and become good friends (or at least I hope so).
For issue #1, I guess I see that as a temporary obstacle and something that you can work around. It is possible to have two kids in a 2 bedroom and while maybe it's not ideal, it's not necessarily forever. I own a 1 bedroom condo that I rent out and there is currently a family of 4 living there. I'm guessing that chances are that over time, you may be able to move to a larger space. So, if it were me, I wouldn't let that impact a major life decision if you really want a second kid.
For issue #2, if they are the same sex, you don't have to spend much on clothes and either way, you can re-use so much (like the baby carrier, crib, etc). For DD#2, the only things I've bought for her are another monitor, a double stroller, and diapers. However, with daycare expenses and things like that, those will be expenses you have to incur.
As far as work, I don't think 2 is twice as much work. For example, tonight I gave them a bath together. I would have to give DD#1 a bath regardless so adding DD#2 into the mix doesn't double the work. Same with doing the drop-off and pick-up from daycare. I'd have to do it anyway. Those are just two examples but you get the idea. It *is* more work but I don't think it's even close to double.
I guess you have to ask yourself what would happen if you are past your child bearing years and you looked back, would you regret not having a #2? Would you wish you had overlooked the 2BR apartment issue and extra expenses? It's such a personal decision but that's how I think about it. After the child bearing years have passed, there aren't really any do-overs (unless you want to adopt) so those are things that I think about in my decision making (we are now talking about whether to have #3).
Mother of three here. No cons, all pros.
Just kidding - I have three kids and both my brothers have one (and are DONE). So I've thought about this. The big con is that - at first - you never really get a break. With one kid, you can hand kid off to each other and go - go for a walk, go work out, go take a nap, go out with friends, etc. With two (and three) you're splitting the parenting duty. There isn't any break really... at first. Because you're both attending, attending, attending.
But for DH and I, we then became really adept at handling two by ourselves. Once we learned that, we could let the other go - for a walk, work out, bla bla bla. (Oh who am I kidding, we don't go for walks alone and neither of us work out - more likely it's one of us works late, or has to go out of town for work, or goes to a happy hour after work, etc.)
Still working on wrangling three by myself - we aren't quiiite there. (My kids are 4.5, 2.5 and 8 mos.) But my choir rehearsals start up this Fall every Tuesday night, so I'm hoping we get it worked out because my choir is my "me" time and I don't want to feel guilty leaving all three with DH once a week. Not that he makes me feel that way, that's just a pressure I put on myself.
Huge, HUGE pro: When the second one is old enough, they play together an occupy each other. Seriously, both my brothers see my 4.5 and 2.5 year old play together (and not counting on us to entertain them) and I see the envy in their eyes. It really is a miracle to see two siblings getting along and occupying each other enough to leave you alone to cook dinner. It's a miracle! (now, when they start fighting, that puts a wrench in things, but that's not often for us).
Aw, heck, just go for it.
TTC #1 Cycle 14 - IUI#1=BFN, IUI#2=BFP | TTC #2 Cycle 8=BFP!!
I am 1 of 4 and loved being from a big family (my cousins are all from even bigger families). My DH is an only child and he really wanted a sibling. We decided long before we were married that we would try for a big family. To us that means 3-4 children. Currently we have DD who is 2.5 and DS who is 7 months. I don't find 2 children measurably harder than 1. I think adding the second child impacted my DHs life much more than mine - he would probably answer differently.
Financially there is a lot less to biy for number 2 (so far) but let me tell you, if you work, that dual daycare bill is killer. I have no idea how Artslvr does the triple bill, I haven't sat down to do the math on that one yet.
All in all, 2 has been such a blessing. I am a much more relaxed mom with DS and I have enjoyed everything so much more. I had forgotten how much I love each stage until I've relived them with DS. I loved DD so much I had often wondered how it would be possible to love another child and the truth is your heart seems to have this limitless capability to expand. It's amazing to me.