WWYD?
Even as I write this I know in my heart what I should do. Maybe I'm just looking for some confirmation.
Here's the skinny: My daughter is 3.5mos old. On Tuesday I babysat an 8mo boy that is the son of friends. I dont have my house completely baby-proof so there were a few times where I would say, "No," and move him away from whatever he was doing. This usually involved wires and chewing. Whenever I told him, "No," he would then smack his own hands, back and forth a few times. Because of this, I strongly suspect that someone is smacking his hands.
I've known the father of the boy since high school. We recently reconnected via Facebook (damn you social networking media) and while I find the father obnoxious I absolutely love his wife. She's a great lady but kind of old school. It's entirely possible that he and she have decided that handsmacking is okay. (I'm not offering an opinion on whether this is acceptable or not). But I dont know if that is the case. Obviously, as he is only 8mos there was no discussion of punishment (ie time-out) so I dont know what the deal is.
I'm debating whether I should let the mother know or not. The fiancee says it might be as I stated above, that they decided its an appropriate punishment but along with my suspicion that he is getting his hand smacked, I think it might be a case of the father doing this when mom's not around. Basically when the father came to pick the son up he let his son cry in the pack and play. He stated that his son was 'just having a tantrum' and 'needed to cry it out' even though I made it clear to the father that he was tired (missed a final nap), hadnt eaten hardly anything all day, and was probably in pain from teething. No mother would chalk that up to a tantrum. He was tired, in pain, and hungry. You are supposed to offer comfort! ARRRGH.
So, should I tell the mom? Or let it be?
Re: WWYD?
I'm a little disturbed about the baby smacking his own hand.... I definitely think that is going on with one of his parents at the least.
Now if you want to talk to the mom you will have to choose your words very carefully. You don't want to sound accusatory & possibly ruin a potentially good friendship.
The only way that I can think of to bring it up is by telling her how her baby left your house fussy due to the fact he didn't nap well with you and didn't eat to well. Maybe that will open up dialogue but other than that, I really don't know what you really can say.
Yep. I want to say something, because as a mom I would want the same courtesy. At the same time, it's a pretty fine line there. No one likes their parenting critiqued.
I know kids do weird stuff, especially at that age when they are just little sponges. He kept headbutting the Crawl-Along ball and got a nice red mark on his forehead for his troubles. It was just such a specific reaction to being told "No" that made me pause.
Thanks for the responses!
So your opinion is that I dont know my butt from my elbow, that I'm presumptuous, that I'm biased against fathers, and that I should just keep my big trap shut.
Ok, I'll go ahead and ignore those big red flags that popped up in my 30min long discussion with the father while his kid was crying in the pack and play even though my instincts are telling me something is fishy and the father flat out told me, "If [wife] knew I was letting [son] cry she would go nuts."
P.S. It wasn't a tantrum. Give me a little credit there, at least.
FWIW, I think the PP was being weirdly defensive of people she's never met and a situation she didn't see at all. You at least know everyone in question and from what you describe, I can totally see why you're raising red flags. IMHO not saying anything against your own instincts is a pretty icky ingrained part of our society.
8 month olds are old enough to model behavior as demonstrated on them, so if you want to mention something to the wife, do so nicely so as not to step on her toes. The suggestion that you casually say that the baby was hitting his hands and it was kind of weird is a good one.