MIL Vent...she just doesnt get it
res932
member
I think my MIL is going to make me completely crazy before this pregnancy is over. We had problems before I got pregnant and I pretty much cut her out of my life as she was saying nasty things about me and my family. Even after I got pregnant she actually called my mom to complain about how I was handling things, telling my mom she "needed to get control of me and have a long talk about reality with me"...all because I was experiencing anxiety and mood swings during the first couple of months. Also, as soon as we found out we were pregnant we told our families, but told them not to tell anyone as it was still really early. So what does MIL do? She goes THAT DAY and posts it on her blog. When DH asked why she did it she whines "Well, my friends would really like to know and I can't not tell them something that goes on in my life." *Eye Roll*
Anyway, more recently she has been getting upset because I personally haven't sent her copies of the ultrasound pictures or called her to tell her what the gender is. I figure, it's DH's mom and when he wants to call her or send her pics is up to him. He knows how I feel about his mom but he is sort of ambivilent about it all. DH is also upset that I told my family as soon as we found out it was a boy yesterday and I had posted it on Facebook. He was concerned his mom would see (she and I aren't friends but have mutual friends) and would be upset that no one had called her.
I am already not planning on inviting MIL to the baby shower and I have serious doubts about wanting her at the hospital. I just wish she would mind her own business and not try to get into ours so much!
Re: MIL Vent...she just doesnt get it
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14
Apparently she was happily sedated during her pregnancy and forgot that mood swings and anxiety are part of that lovely gift called hormone changes. I'm actually getting the same thing from my IL's about our keeping the pregnancy quiet. But the reason we're keeping it quiet is because of my FIL's business estate that has gotten a lot of BS issues that we've had to deal with and the last thing we want is for emotional decisions to be made instead of logical ones.. I'm totally with you though in why can't people respect your decision.
As for coming to the hospital, you're pretty much stuck on that onebut that doesn't mean she gets to be in the room during L&D. At some point you're going to have to interact with this woman because she is still DH's Mom. Yes, she's annoying, but you've still got to come to some sort of peace because she's still going to be your son's GM.
My MIL can be a pain in the rear as well, but I try to be the better person. I've just accepted that we're never going to be best friends, and try to ignore stuff she does/says as much as possible - Altho it's hard sometimes, don't get me wrong! She wants my daughter to go to the chiropractor which I disagree w/, and told DH he should put his foot down and take her w/o telling me...
Anyway, she sounds like a terrible person to put up w/, but I think the best thing you can do is to be the better person, which means keeping her updated on your progress - otherwise you come off looking like a b**** as well, and it fuels her fire. GL!
Oh - careful if you do invite her to the shower... my MIL called my friend that was hosting and asked her to send 5-6 more invitations to people that live out of state and wouldn't be come to a shower anyway... and this was a shower that only included MY FRIENDS, not family, but I invited both mothers to include them. So tell your hostess beware
I don't care if she knows the sex or anything like that. I just feel that DH should be the one to tell his mom since he is her son. As for the FB thing, we used to be friends until she was becoming unreasonable over things. She commented on "everything" I posted and would call DH upset about things. The final straw was when she started being really nasty to me and my family and I just said it wasn't worth it. Also, it is my family that is hosting the shower, and if she dislikes us as much as she says she does then why even bother inviting her and have her ruin the day?
Well if you do end up becoming FB friends again, remember you can add her to a list and keep her from seeing your status updates.
Good luck with all that stuff, sounds difficult!
I have MIL issues myself so I can completely relate. She sounds difficult to deal with, and with the pregnancy hormones mixed in it's just so much harder. I used to be able to blow off some of the minor things with mine, but now that with my hormones raging everything seems like such a big deal.
I will say though I agree with PP and it seems you are just giving her more ammunition. Take the high road and don't give her more reasons to create drama. It will only make her look worse if she continues. I agree DH should be the one to tell his Mom things. My husband and I do the same thing. However, I do think you either should have pushed him harder to call his Mom or waited to post on FB until he did. I think you were in the wrong there. Regardless of your feelings towards her, I do think Moms deserve to know information personally before the whole FB community does. It's just a respect thing.
Good luck to you and try to just focus on today. Don't get yourself worked up already about showers and the hospital because it will only make things worse. I know it's tough, I do it myself and find myself angry and worked up over things well before they happen, but I'm only hurting myself (and annoying my DH) when I do things like that. He's great about supporting me but he tends to draw a line when I start making issues before they even happen. Hang in there!
Let me first say your MIL sounds like an abrasive nut who is very self centered.
Ok now I think you are being selfish. Perhaps I am sensitive to this as I have two married brothers and now a DS with another DS on the way.
She may be a nut but she carried her son (your DH) just as you are carrying your child. She had dreams, expecations, and visions for what their lives as mother and son would be like, just as I am sure you are developing your own dreams and visions. For someone to marry into her family was probably hard and caused her to be a bit off. With MILs my policy is kill them with kindness, I personally adore my MIL, but I also know that my own mother is a terrible MIL. And after talking with my SILs and trying to help them make a solid relationship with my own mother my best advice is when in doubt ignore behaviors because no one can predict what type of mother any of us will be when we have adult children. Your DH will only have his mother around for so long, and if you interfere in their relationship or make it harder for your future child to be connected to his family it will likely cause strain and you will get the blame (even though it should be shared with your MIL). Just MHO but I hope you can take something from it.
I agree with this. You are not behaving any better than she is. Your immature behavior is giving her more ammunition against you, which is making things worse exponentially. Try acting beyond reproach, and she won't have any complaints.
LURKING...
I think you are both wrong, and yes you are sensitive since you have 2 married brothers, but it is not OPs responsibility to inform her MIL of anything. She gave birth to her son, and he is a grown man now. This baby is you and your husband's, she does not automatically have a right to anything, just because she is the grandmother. If DH wants her to know what is going on, then he can let her know as it is his mother, she is not your responsibility. I dont see how you say it is immature because she is not constantly trying over and over to include her when MIL clearly has no respect for her, or even her/DH's wishes.
My own MIL is generally a pain and always has negative comments about how im handling my pregnancy (its high risk) so she either gets updates from DH, or on fb...i quit calling her as i do not need the stress