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Single Parents
susanc07
member
LJF
susanc07
member
Please stop calling your son's father "Dr. Deadbeat." Maybe "sperm donor" would work better? But, as of yet, he has not been ordered to pay c/s. Right now, I'm sure B's dad is more worried about his other family. It sucks but it's true. When he does start, he'll be paying you a very large amount of c/s (per you).
I get $60/month, which I never see. However, my ex-H is involved with the kids and helps when he can. I would never call him a deadbeat.
Your pity party allowance was reduced when you slept with a married man, and will be cut off completely when you get that 1st child support check. That one check is more than most people on here will see in a year. Not saying your son doesn't deserve to be provided for, but I doubt you'll find much sympathy here, as evidenced by the reactions to your post yesterday.
I would never begrudge someone getting c/s. That's great and, again, I'm glad for B. So, go on with the "You're bitter" and "You're jealous," blah, blah, blah. Life's not fair and I get that. It's just that that nickname annoys me to no end.
Rant over.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: LJF
Completely agree.
He has not done anything yet to be considered a child support deadbeat. He has not been ordered to pay. And he is supporting his family.
DITTO. Call him whatever you want but if he is paying you CS (whether court ordered or by choice) then he is not a deadbeat. Deadbeat dads cheat the system to not pay for there kids at all
Priss28King is wise.--"Lurky, you are so mean... but always so on point!"
I wasn't looking for sympathy, I was excitedly sharing news that I would be happy to hear that any other SP received. I consider my child's father a deadbeat because he does not provide for his child. In my opinion a parent wouldn't need a court order to be sure their child was taken care of. To me he is a deadbeat because he has emotionally and financially abadoned him and won't help until forced to. But that is just my opinion and I realize may be different than the opinions of others. So I will happily refrain from calling him Dr. Deadbeat if it offends.
lurker- butting in....
I lurk on this board from time to time and I can't help but notice how people are so quick to jump on LJF about the fact that she had an affair with a married man- um SHE WAS SINGLE from what I can tell and was not violating her vows to anyone- he is the ASS that cheated on his wife - no one made him and he got the harsh consequence of a child being born of his indiscretion.
No, I have not and would not date a married man- I respect marriage and the wife even if the husband does not and feel that this is generally a great policy as what goes around comes around- but these comments about him taking care of his "family" and not needing to pay child support until ordered to do so doesn't seem to acknowledge that he chose to put them in this situation when he decided to cheat- she could really be BSC and on his doorstep. So if he has to pay- then he has to pay-his son deserves the life of a doctor's son as that is what he is - the fact that his parents behaved badly has nothing to do with him and she should not be left high and dry to fend for her child because he is married. I feel sorry for his wife because this affects her in some ways the most and she is the presumed innocent in all of this. As for LJF"s decision to date a married man- doesn't say much about her decision making skills, but at least she isn't the liar that put her family at risk- for a whole host of problems. JMHO, but why are we always so hard on each other? It seems like you all actually feel sorry for him when he could have stopped this train way before it left the station.
lurker butting out....
AE lurker coming out to call major BS on the highlighted portion. I stopped reading after that. Both parties are equally responsible for cheating. Who gives a sh!t if she's married or not. Any woman with an ounce of integrity WOULD NOT knowingly screw a married man. The only victims in this little scenario are the children and the douchbag therapist's wife because none of them had any say in having their lives turned upside down by cheaters!!! I think it is commendable that the strong women on this board are seeing passed all of the drama LJF brought on herself and are offering support to her as a SP.
No one is saying that this douche doesn't need to pay for his child or that he is a saint in this mess. The part that gets old with LJF is that SHE knew he was married and she decided to sleep with him. Her woe is me/AW/entitlement act is old and disgusting. I know people throw out the "I feel sorry for your child" card on TB a lot. But this is one case where I really, truly do feel sorry for her child.
Priss28King is wise.--"Lurky, you are so mean... but always so on point!"
I believe she was married too, but I could be wrong.
I think most of us have put aside the fact of HOW she became a single parent and offered sound advice. And no one said B didn't deserve support.
Punctuation (the correct kind) and paragraphs are your friend. Learn them, love them, USE THEM.
Priss28King is wise.--"Lurky, you are so mean... but always so on point!"
If you are dealing with 2 married people then I agree- what I said goes both ways- I was not referring to those who offered support- but there were comments out there that brought up the situation. The main point of my post was that generally women are so hard on women. And the woman who mentioned any woman who would sleep with a married man having no integrity- while do not disagree- I will say that in this situation (assuming she is single) that he is more in the wrong- as he is the one who promised his wife that he would be faithful- but as women we often blame the woman- she is the "home wrecker". I have been cheated on- all I wanted from her- was information- my wrath was for him- as he broke this promise to me and put us at risk- the fact that she knew about me really didn't matter to me as it was up to him to remember he was married. The universe will give her hers. On a silly note, I don't buy music from a favorite artist because she actively and publicly courted a married man. I know he was more to blame - he should have stopped it, but I feel she is slimy- but they have a child together and if they weren't now together, I would not blink about him having to pay her based upon his earnings- def way more than I would ever see in my situation!
And all actions have consequences obviously- she is not getting a free pass- the other woman never does- she will get support in the form of money for her child- but to her own point, she seems hurt for her son that he will not have the support of his father- this often means a lot more than money in bringing up a child (just look at all the drugged out rich kids out there- parents have money for rehab, but didn't have time for them). And at some point, he will ask questions that she will not really want to answer.
Also, I was not saying that people were saying the baby did not deserve support- it seemed to be the amount that was the issue (and posting that was tacky tacky tacky- and she apologized so that was that). But people questioned the amount- and this was what I was referring too- the feeling of some that she was getting too much. As pp have stated the amounts are relative based upon who you are dealing with. I am an attorney who deals with support issues and the amount in question is not really that far out of line for what my professional clients end up paying in CS- its not even close to the highest amount I have had awarded- not to mention other items that they pay in addition to the cash allotment.
Also, I understand the frustration that is out there with regards to having to doing things yourself and struggling. It was not my intention to take away from that or to say that you are not in general supportive of each other. I would not have posted today at all, but I saw that they posts had somewhat continued on the subject.
Well most of us on here will have questions that will be difficult to answer even if our circumstances regarding how we got pregnant were different than LJF's. For example, last night SD had a visit with P. When he left P kept saying "Hi Daddy, Bye Daddy. See you later Daddy". It made me sad because it was like he'll think it is normal to have a daddy that can only see him for a few hours/week.
However, it was my choice to marry SD, knowing the red flags that he had thrown up. It was also my choice to get pregnant, knowing that we had a rocky marriage. I'm not saying I deserved to have him do the things he did, but I wasn't completely blindsided by it all.
Life is what we make of it and so my point was and is for no one to ever act like a victim, especially in a situation of their own creation.
So, you think it is ok for a man or a woman to sleep with a married person because they arent the ones who took a vow? Classy!
I agree with most of the pp. That shae chick is just BSC.
LJF you knew from the beginning that he didn't want to be in Barrett's life. You had 3 choices from the beginning. 1)Keep the baby 2) Abortion 3)Adoption. He didn't have any say in what happened. You chose to become a mother on your own so it's your own fault for Barrett having to grow up without him. There are other choices for a reason. So stop complaining about him not taking responsibility emotionally or physically because you knew he wouldn't. You're the one that put Barrett in this situation.
/ventI say this as someone who did the same thing. I knew when I decided to have my son that his father may or may not be in the picture. I put him in this position, knowing that one day I'd have to answer questions about it. I'm a little baffled when I think about how he never came to drs appointments, never even requested to be there when he was born, and never tried to see him/establish paternity/visitation. But I KNEW this was a possibility, so I can't really complain about it. I'm sad that my son does not have an involved father, but this is the result of my own poor decision to sleep with who I did.
I really hate when people don't take the time to realize these types of things.