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Single Parents
ShanJosh777
member
Do you look forward to time away from your child?
ShanJosh777
member
I recently started seeing a therapist. Last night we were talking about the possibility of having my parents or my in-laws keep DS for 24 hours every other weekend, or even once a month. STBXH has no visitation, at most sees him for a couple of hours a month if he happens to go to his mom's when she has DS. She asks to keep him for an afternoon a couple of times a month, and occasionally may keep him overnight, say once every other month.
Don't get me wrong, I do have a lot of support from my family and always have someone to watch DS if i have something I have to do. But I had expressed that it's like I always need an "excuse" to have someone watch him - I never have just "free" time. Which I'm sure is the case for a lot of SP's but it is just really, really hard for me lately.
Anyway, she said something to the effect of, Do you think you would be happier and enjoy your time with your son more during the week if you knew you had something to look forward to? (meaning, the 24 hour break on the weekend.)
I said yes, but I said that I don't feel like the something I'm looking forward to should be being away from my child. She seemed to think that was crazy.
Part of the guilt I guess comes from being a single, working mom. I feel like I should really cherish the weekends because I work 9 hour days all week, so how could I even think about leaving him for 24 hours for NO REASON on the weekend?
So, do you look forward to time away from your kid(s)? And, also, how often do you get it, if at all?
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Re: Do you look forward to time away from your child?
Yes. I'm looking forward to my DS going to his first week long sleep away camp w/ the boy scouts. I'm looking forward to it and I'll miss him and it will be weird not having him around but at the same time it will be nice to be half way child free.
I look forward to when both children are at different sleep overs at their friend's houses. And I have been known to coordinate it so they would both be at a friend's house while I went out to a concert or just watch movies I want to watch without needed to make sure it was appropriate to watch.
I have my kids 24/7 b/c as you know my ex and his family is not involved. And very early on in the beginning when they would go on weekend visitation I look forward to it. To have some time to be me and not dd/ds's mom.
It's okay, it's healthy. Heck the bump here has Articles devoted to giving the kids over to a babysitter to have a date night w/ your SO every week. Why not be allowed to have a date with yourself.
I totally understand the mommy guilt, but I think that it would do you some good to have somewhat of a break. I struggle with something similar because the only time I get away from DS is when someone (namely my parents) watch him and that makes me feel like I am burdening them.
I am sure both grandparents would enjoy him and you would definitely enjoy your time. Work isn't a break, even though you are away from him.
I would say that my mom takes DS overnight probably every two weeks. She volunteered to do this so I could study, uninterrupted because my test is in November. I also was away from him for a night last week. He stayed overnight with my BFF and her fiance and I went out of town to a concert. I had a GREAT time. I didn't feel guilty either because I knew she and her FI were enjoying DS. I also bought them a gift cert. to their favorite restaurant as a "thank you".
I think you need to take the time for yourself and do something that will help keep your sanity. It will be good for you and DS.
I wouldn't say I look forward to it, but I definitely enjoy my "free" time. DS is with STBXH every other weekend.
I use those weekends to catch up on housework, spend time with my BF doing adult things (like date nights!), seeing friends, or just plain relaxing with nobody but myself. I find that I'm refreshed and recharged when DS comes back to tackle another 2 weeks of single-mommyhood.
I think you should try it. I dreaded my weekends away at first, but now I really truly enjoy them.
I also feel guilty. DD is at daycare for 11 hours on the days I work, so I feel like she should be with me on my days off. My stepmom has been after me for a couple weeks to keep DD in daycare on my days off so 1) DD stays in a routine and 2) I have time to myself. I always say I'm going to take her, but then I either don't feel like getting up early and driving her to DC or a just feel like spending the day with her. I think tomorrow I am going to take her so I can just spend a day doing what I want to do
On average, my stepmom will watch DD one evening per month and one overnight every other month so I can go out with SO or just stay the night at his house. I always feel relaxed and recharged after these nights.
Yes. I look forward to time with my children and I look forward to time away from my children
If I didn't have a little bit of free time to even sleep in past 7:00 in the morning one day every two weeks - I'd probably go insane.
Yes I do. Its my time to get everyting done that I cant so, because right now it is hard for me to run a lot of errands with 2u2. Its also nice to be able to recharge and even relax for a minute.
Ummm, cutest siggy picture, ever!!!
Thanks! You have no idea what it took to get S to do her "cheese face" for this picture ha!
I used to never be able to get DD to smile for pictures. One day I asked her to show me her teeth, and she smiled! I felt like a fool for not thinking of that before!!
As for the original questions, yes, I would love to have some free time away from DD. I love her to death, but we both need time away from each other to recharge. This is actually one of the reasons that I am getting my own place. Right now, my mom is not able to enjoy her time with DD because she is always there. I can't wait until we have our own space and DD can go over there to spend quality time with her! I understand the guilt but don't let it get you down!