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Single Parents
Pretty in Pearls
PrettyInPearls23:
So my big error here was posting the amount of CS I found out today I would be getting. I was excited that I would finally be getting what I needed to take care of Barrett. His daycare alone is over $1100/month. It's not like I'm making some kind of profit on CS. I apologized if it offended some and deleted that part of the post.
Yet we always come back to how I became a SP and since that is my own fault so it seems to some I don't deserve CS and I should struggle longer in order for my difficulties to "count"?
Why would anyone here wish for a another SP to have a more difficult time? Isn't being an SP hard enough?
I don't think a single person on this thread said you dont deserve CS. The error you made was posting the dollar amount. Sure, you went back and deleted it, but it was too late.
I've only been going through the legalities of my divorce for 5.5 months, so I know that 3 months (to you) can seem like an eternity. But keep in mind that your short battle is really the only one you have to deal with. You don't have to worry about custody or visitation for the next 18 years. You don't have to try to get a divorce from someone who is making it extremely difficult. Hell, you don't have to see/hear from B's dad ever again and I'm sure a lot of us on this board (myself included) are jealous of that.
Instead of getting defensive, maybe sit back and be grateful that your "battle" has been so short-lived and you'll be getting CS like B deserves.
I'm going to have to flame you a little bit here. You say I should be grateful that I don't have to worry about custody or visitation for the next 18 years and that I don't have to see/hear from B's dad ever again and you are jealous of this.
These
above circumstances are positive and negative for me. Negative for me
in that I have my child 24/7. You've talked plenty of times how you
enjoy your weekends when your X takes your DS so you get some "me"
time. I don't get weekends like that and there are many of us here
(myself included) who are jealous of that fact. But no one throws it in your face that you should be grateful you get a break when some of us don't.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Pretty in Pearls
::momentarily delurks::
Oh, honey. You probably should have thought of this before you played tickle the pickle with a married man. You do know where babies come from, don't you?
Your son is in a situation of YOUR making. Your son absolutely deserves the security and love of both parents...sadly, this should have started with his mother making better choices with who she slept with. You KNEW he was married and chose to bump uglies with him anyway....did you think he was going to leave his wife for you? Leave his family for you? Accept a little personal responsibility.
ETA: Your son deserves child support. The father is legally obligated to pay it and for your son's sake, I hope he does. No one is saying that because of the circumstances your son does not deserve child support.
I'll bet you'll be able to pay for a nice day care or a nanny with the exorbitant amount of c/s you're supposedly going to get from your baby daddy.
Sorry for lurking on your board, ladies... but LJF is the best trainwreck.
"I'll gladly take cold sores over eye herpes" -ElieFin
"Unicorn glitter gives me UTIs." -Leila'sMommy
Totally off topic but I thought your name said Pubestar. Oops!
Anyways, there are many women out there that would love for their X's not to be in their child's life and be able to get CS also. Would you really want him to be a role model for B? Neither of you can really teach him the morality of cheating or else you would be a hypocrite.
Sorry LJF but it was never a matter of the amount for me. I didn't even know how much it was until later on in the thread. My thing was that you made it seem like you and B someone deserved this amount of money more than the rest of us SP's. Yes, I'm definitely jealous of the amount, but you think you're somehow entitled to it.Now, there's no way it costs close to $3000 a month to raise B, so my question is, are you going to put a portion of this CS or your earnings in a savings account for him every month? Because I really hope you aren't planning on using this amount to pay B's expenses and your own bills.
"Anyways, there are many women out there that would love for their X's not to be in their child's life and be able to get CS also"
-This the exact point I'm flaming PIP about. I think that short of an abuse situation it is horribly selfish of a mother to not want their child's father a part of their child's life because they personally don't like dealing with him. It is not in the best interest of the child to not have their father in their life just because Mom doesn't like him anymore. I may dislike dealing with B's dad, but if he wanted to be a part of B's life I would never even try to block that because I don't want my child to feel the pain of abandonment from his father.
"My thing was that you made it seem like you and B deserved this amount of money more than the rest of us SP's"
- I see in no way, shape, or form how I did this. I was excited that I had legally made some headway and would finally be getting CS. I would be thrilled for any other SP who had received the same news. Everyone else here feels like things should be a competition of who gets what or who has it worse. I don't compare my situation to anyone else's. I mention things like others getting a break, etc. to show how I don't make those kind of comparisons, even though I am jealous of that fact I never say things like, "well you get a break and I don't, I have it worse than you!" I had good news and shared it because others here understand it's frustrating dealing with an emotionally and financially absent father.
"There is no way it costs close to $3000 a month to raise B"
-You don't know what it costs to raise my child. You don't live in the area that I do. I did state that daycare was over $1100/month. You don't know how much his formula is, how much I pay per month for his health insurance, the amount of diapers I go through, etc. etc. Besides that point, because of our discrepancy in income, B's dad is liable for 70% of his cost and I am 30%. So that actually makes Barrett's costs in the eyes of the court at about $2200/month.
Bullshit. Calling you out again.
In CT (yes it could be different where you are) the split comes after the child support is factored in. So let's say I was not working and living on child support and you factor my ZERO income back in plus child support, I could get a split like 30/70. Seems to me like you are planning to live off child support.
My DB ex makes more than me. But after you factor in childsupport our split is 57% me 43% him for other expenses such as daycare/medical.
I could give a flying rats rear about who much you get. It was the way you went about bragging to everyone that was wrong. Stop trying to dig yourself out of the hole and dragging other SP's down with you who have supported you in the past.
LJF, what part of this do you not understand?! Seriously.
Sorry not how it works in my state. I take the flames that I feel are deserved by me, Carrie, and I always have. I said I was sorry for stating the amount, which is the flammable offense. The rest of it has been uncalled for and unwarranted.
LJF - you should save this gif for the next time someone comes into one of your posts telling you how you got yourself into your situation, etc.
Keep bashing me, but you don't defend your selfishness at wishing your chld's father out of his life because you don't like dealing with him.
Because I don't need to defend myself. Especially not to an internet annoyance such as yourself. I know that my son's father WILL be in his life so me wishing he was uninvolved is harmless. It'll never happen but it doesn't mean a girl can't dream. I see no reason to defend that.
And that is why I say each state is different. As I stated before the person yesterday who said there are 3 factors was wrong for CT. CT does not care how much time DB spends with LO to factor into cs. Not one person asked me how often he see's him to factor into the amount I get.
And I still say that if it was a newbie and amounts were thrown around the flames would still come. It has nothing to do with how you ended up being an SP.
But I think a person who will go online and put the exact amount of what the cs will be, is the type of person who would get herself in the situation you are in. That is my opinion and its the internet.
If I'm an internet annoyance and I've always rubbed you the wrong way, then just don't respond to my posts. Especially pretending to be helpful. No reason to be two faced about it, I don't care if you don't like me. Just leave me alone then. Or don't and continue to flame me, but then I don't see any reason I need to defend myself to you, either.
Okay, you are welcome to your opinion.
Go ahead and re-read yesterday's post. You'll see R9 and Carrie at least asking why I'm ignoring their questions. When I "let something go" or don't defend myself I get accused of skirting the issue. When I address it I'm bringing it all on myself and am an AW. It's pretty much a no-win for me.
Oh my bad. I guess I didn't realize that diapers, clothes, and formula cost different prices where you're from. And also, I have family that lives right outside of St. Louis, so I may not live there but I do know what stuff costs. And I was actually considering moving there to finish school a while back, so if you're paying over $1100/month for daycare, you're getting ripped off. Every daycare I looked at was around $800.
What makes you think I don't have a job? I am employed full time.
Diapers, clothes, and formula do cost different amounts in different areas and depending on brand. For example, Barrett cannot process generic soy formula. The only formula I've found that works is Similac Soy, which is $23 a can. We can easily go through nearly 2 of these a week - you also don't know how much my child eats.
A HUGE expense is health insurance. That is a cost that varies not only from state to state, but from employer to employer.
Daycare costs vary in different areas of the city and different areas of the county. St. Louis is a big place and in some areas if you want decent, clean daycare it costs a little more.
So I still say you don't know what it costs to raise my very individual child, with my job's health insurance, in the specific area that I live in.